Poetry Forum

Hello HisPeace. Though not a format to poetry I particularly find enjoyable, ‘the shopping-list’ I call pieces wrote in this style, and my apologies for lack of a more courteous description, some of your lines in ‘Today’ create some really vivid imagery in a very simple language that suits the theme...

Hello Joe. I am in total agreement with Arian about those terrific lines a single crow that flew through what height and depth the morning had. I thought they bridged the first and second stanza so fluently. Very nice Joe. ‘A mile of cloud above me pressing down on me’ left me with the question, “if...

Hello Seth. An enjoyable read. I don't agree with K-j's first suggestion of dropping line 5 in stanza 2, I think it describes perfectly how easily it becomes to sink a pint in increasing sized gulps after the epiglottis has been lubricated. I do like the second suggestion of making the first line th...

Hello Jackie. Very nice to meet you. I am pleased how you picked up on the relationship between the first and last lines that I had hoped to imply. I agree they should both stay, and very much liked Geoffs idea of italicising them, but must say I also like your idea too of the first line becoming th...

Good morning Seth. I like the idea of you actually taking the time to crouch down with an ear beside the dew to see if you could hear it plink as it fell. Besides the familiarity of birds singing and leaves rustling that we mostly tend to tune out with an un-appreciative ear, what a nice thought tha...

Hello Geoff. I am glad my explanation for choosing the title that I did, inspired by a fond memory of a song goes 'some way' to making it appear a little more considered. I personally do like the two lines of the lyrics for the opening and close, so I am happy that someone else is in agreement that ...

Thank you very much Geoff and David for your comments. I am pleased that you both enjoyed the Harpo reference as he was the initial inspiration for this piece after seeing a sketch of him by Salvador Dali. He was given his first harp as a gift from his mother, but unable to find a tutor he learned h...

Hello Mac. I actually found the initial ambiguity of the title that a couple of the others seem to be puzzling over, appealing, and only made me wish to discover what occured? whilst someone/something was 'waiting to be 'picked up'. I really enjoyed the way that in each of the three stanzas you prod...

Silently closing the bedroom door she was once the harp enticing his fingers in leggiero along the slender contours of her classic form. Each sigh the delicate plink of dew upon a thread of her web-like allure. Nowadays she seems more sleazy trombone, salaciously writhing back and forth against anot...

Thank you very much David.
That really is a very encouraging compliment.
Cheers
Robbie.

Hello Geoff. Whilst considering a title, and hoping to have some sort of reference to the 'lost item' stored on a shelf with a label/number attached, I came across the Wikipedia explanation of what a lot number is, and found myself quite amused at the thought of applying that definition to a child. ...

Hello Mac. This brought back a strong recollection for me of the Carla Lane sitcom ‘Butterflies’ starring Wendy Craig. Though relatively happily married to Ben, her dentist and lepidopterist husband, her stay at home character spends the entire series contemplating an affair with a friend. With this...

Hello David. Lot number seven and three quarters was inspired by a recent visit to a local department store. Whilst there, a young boy of around that age, was being led in tears by one of the heavily perfumed assistants from the perfumery counter to the elevator and to who knows 'where-ever' ? More ...

Hello Ray, Jackie and Mac. Thank you very much for taking a look at 'Lot number ..', and for your very kind comments. Ray. I deliberated for some time over the tense in the very lines you picked up on. After numerous re-reads I think I left myself quite befuddled. Should i consider the lines in the ...

For a short-trousered period I hankered to be placed on a shelf labelled ‘Small Boys’. I’d mosey past the perfumery counter in a practiced woebegone, aspiring to be handed in by a heavily scented lady. Once deposited, I would have searched out a fedora hat, some thick-lensed spectacles a paisley cra...

Good morning pinecone. Firstly let me say welcome to PGW, and that I hope you may find this forum as receptive and helpful an audience for your work as I have done in the relatively short time that I have been here. There is a wealth of talent, styles, and experience here, and some exceptionally ins...

Hello David. I liked your arrangement for the opening two lines in preference to Rays suggestion. For me, it suggested contemplation, as you pondered your new neighbour. I also enjoyed how in the parting of her liver coloured lips, a continent wide smile was unveiled in all its brilliance. I do agre...

Hello John. I enjoyed the macabre quirkiness of this too. For me, it had a Tim Burton black humour appeal to it, and I could imagine it as the opening scene to a story or a film in the vein of Scissorhands and Beetlejuice. I liked the way the long third line hurried the poem along to its grim conclu...

Hello Mic. I actually enjoyed the language you chose, without adornment, to describe something so simple and 'un-intersting' as writing a name in sand, seaweed and stone. To me, it seemed so apt, and I could see the narrators vexation at having their simple creation taken from them before they even ...

Hello Seth. Not a very technical appraisal I am afraid, I just wanted to say I enjoyed many elements of Reeds of the Bogland. I found the title drawing me in, merely by the use of the interesting word Bogland. I was then very pleasantly suprised as your poem unfolded to come across another similarly...

Thanks a lot Mac, I genuinely appreciate that.
A little bit nervous about having now raised my own bar,
but pleased you enjoyed it.
Cheers
Robbie.

Hello K-j. I liked the suggestion of how sleep can play such an important role within a relationship as either the antagonist or mediator, and as oranggunung has also pointed out, I too liked how the not quite so harmonious 'happy-ending', was tainted with the sadness of something lost. I also thoug...

Hello Geoff, Hello LMZ. I am really pleased that you both found this enjoyable to read. I tried to consider so many pieces of very good advice I have received personally, or read in crits on others work here on PGW when composing this, to receive such positive comments has made the 'many' drafts wor...

Thank you very much Peter for your kind comments.
They are very encouraging, and truly appreciated.
I think your suggestion for 'my' ho-hum routines works much better, and as you point out, would avoid a little confusion.
Cheers
Robbie.

Hello Tim, Hello Seth. Thank you both for taking a look and commenting. The idea for Town Clown actually came from a gentleman who passes my home most days. I always seem to notice him Tim, more than I really mean to, when I am in-between 'my own' mundane 'ho-hum routines', such as washing the car, ...