Poetry Forum

Great song,David! I'm not that well acquainted with Mr Harper,tbh - so I can just simply say it's the best one of his that I've heard. When Shane Warne and Glen McGrath retired I expect you could almost hear the sighs of relief from opposing batsmen. It will be the same for Jimmy Anderson when he ca...

Sylvia by Ralph McTell


Summer Girls by Ralph McTell (about Dylan Thomas)

You're on a roll,Jules - I love the title!

Macavity wrote: ↑

Tue Aug 20, 2019 5:14 pm

Eliminate the concept of bad hair.

That one made me smile

best

mac

Me too,although in my case Nature beat me to it..

The last line seems a bit tame although I can't say why and can offer no suggestions.

Cheers
Geoff

Hello Stuart, These are wonderful. - #1 and #2 put me in mind of the much loved Dr Seuss (although he would have changed the last line of #1,of course). You just need to illustrate them now.. :) My only suggestion would be - It went like this: to my ear is too short: maybe It went something like thi...

So it's one guy doing the whole thing? I'm impressed,and he has a great voice too!
Mac - do you know how much of it is done with an app?

Hello,Jules I really like the conceit and enjoyed the way you have expressed it. My only nitette was that L1 made me think of squirrels :? ,in that the reds are dying out at the expense of the greys. (Yeah,probably just me,I know!,but "two grays remain" can obviously be read as "only ...

Just my cup of tea,Jules - love it! It made me chuckle even more when I realised that the couple of psychological terms that I goooogled were real) Initially I though an "amusiac" was someone who delighted in telling groanworthy jokes YES - that's me,that is: :) Q: How many psychiatrists d...

The last three lines are actually - and melodramatically and pretentiously - a despairing contemplation of the state of the world. Did that come over at all? I didn't see that David, but that could just be me (and no doubt my comment will prompt someone to say otherwise :D ) best mac I didn't get t...

G'day,NQS -very nice! Lots of humour to chuckle at. I especially like Well, I wasn't there to parse that line, I was there to make some deals, So "Scrappy" is a "Paul Hogan" type of chappie,eh? (Q:Have you drunk Foorsta's all ya life,mate?" A: Not yet! ) "Breeding cycle...

Great fun,JJ - love the title! A couple of very minor nits: A slight bump on "wherever" in S2 L3 ,for me. I'm wondering whether you could replace "roam" with a 2-syllable word e.g "scamper" which would allow you to use "where"? In S3,L3" - "like hare...

Wonderful stuff,David! The mention of gongs and aunts is a nice touch: I seem to remember that,in one story, Bertie avoided a summons from the dreaded Aunt Agatha by shinning down a drainpipe.. I also like the "Plum/plummy" wordplay but I'm undecided about the capitalization. In the last s...

Hi,David I think L6 How many lexicons have vanished with these places and their stones. -is a rhetorical question,therefore needs a "?" if one is being pedantic. e.g If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die?...' - however the ques...

To me,it's a beautiful song,David, love and lament - the perfect combination. There's no need to see the native words (although a glossary might enhance the melody,..perhaps) Obviously a lot of care has gone into this labour of love. Even a steaming midden can become a thing of beauty,in the right ....

. James, I'll forgo David's comma, at least for now, as there's a(n attempt at a) joke there which it undercuts. . Hi,again,NQS - A slight return (without a Hendrix guitar solo). Now that I'm prompted to look for a joke,I can see the gallows humour but the problem is - who would dream of looking fo...

Thanks for dropping by,NQSeus, and (as I said to Mac) I'm grateful to anyone who even spares the time to plough through my ramble,let alone offer comments. And yes,it was an invitation,but (in a Michael Caine voice) - you're supposed to hand in your axe at the bloody door! :) Just kidding - you've g...

Hello,Mac I am grateful that you took the time (..and it takes a lot of it :) ) to read through this ramble,let alone make some comments. This is what gave me the initial idea: https://bigthink.com/philip-perry/this-ancient-thought-exercise-will-have-you-questioning-your-identity If the much-missed ...

Ha! It's a lonely job but someone has to do it :) Glad it raised a snigger or two. Now I'm wondering how many people I can offend by doing a borough county coastal one-liner. Jules the Circular You'll never know until you've tried! :) How about the The Transport For London (underground,DLR etc) map...

When his spear at length became a crutch,no longer did it have a point.Theseus now lacks the strength to lift his battle sword,recasting it at once into an ornament fit only to remind him,in his cups of a young man's over-confidence that saw him draw it far too much,survive by chance. His jaded shie...

Hello,Luke

I'm glad you posted a revision because I didn't understand the original

The revision is much clearer,although "shaft to the heart" has connotations of death/murder,at least to me.

Geoff

In the original draft, it said, "He is out of my league." As I was working on the poem, I suddenly realized that it should be the other way around -- more like, "I'm not in his league". But I already had my syntax set, so I made it, "I am out of his league" -- but that...

Hello,Tristan A bit late to this one! I think on balance I prefer V4 but would suggest replacing "buildings" with "eyesores" - a word that was much in use at the time to disprove of all those ugly,walkway-ridden blocks that were going up,iirc. Oh,and for the sake of accuracy (and...

Hi,Jules

You and you alone,' own the geogra-poem jaunt gig!

Muchly amused,
Geoff

Hii again NQS, I like the 'time/line' pairing . Yeah,as you were - I didn't spot the half-rhyme! wrt the "heretics" lines, Although I can see your reasoning (at a stretch :) ),I think something like "our minutes" would help to differentiate the child's impression from that of the...

David wrote: ↑

Sat Aug 03, 2019 11:07 am

(Does anyone know how to do hyperlinks here now?)

I don't think it's possible,atm,David.
Maybe Nicola can fix it?