Poetry Forum

Like other posts here - I too love the idea of a poem which makes you think and can be interpreted in number of ways.

Look forward to reading more.

NP

My goodness, thanks!

Like I say I wrote the original years ago, the emotional detachment from the event these 9 years later (and lots of other poetry writing since) has probably done it good.

Thanks chaps - you've made my day!

Hello

I'm new too (since Saturday) - welcome and enjoy!

Norwich Poet

Good decision!

Regards
NP

Hi Almost nervous to be first to post (being a newby)! Loved this - I wasn't sure what was coming a first, mainly down to my interpretation of "slab" (dad was an undertaker). However certainly got that sense of relief of "good to be home". Favourite bits "toes squeaked"...

One question - does one post a revision (with original) under a completely new thread? Or edit original post?

Thanks
NP

My goodness - such feedback! You have all been so very helpful. Please bare with! 1. I feel the need to take this one straight back to the drawing board - funnily enough 2 things happened tonight which reminded me of a couple of his quirks - so I'll dig deep for more of those. 2. I shall drop the cl...

Hi Mic Loved this, I was directed here following a similar poem I wrote about the loss of my husband. Trying to recall the quirky things he did. I love the shape and the build up until the single word at the end - increases the impact of it. Definitely think "Dad" is the best title, though...

language strays into overfamiliarity rather too often

Thanks Arian

As I have said I am a new poet, what do you mean by "language"? Appreciate the feedback. Thanks for the link to the other poem.

NorwichPoet

You're spot on David - except I can't help having an alternative vision (considering it's about my late husband), it's very funny!! I shall amend either to spectacles or on - whichever scans best

Hi David This is what I like about critique - what seems perfectly reasonable to one, can be completely misinterpreted by another! Yes, of course I mean spectacles - why didn't I see that, did make me giggle! Yes might drop lines 5 & 6 and replace with something more quirky/less eulogistic. Than...

Thanks Ant, Funnily enough, despite re-reading and editing it before I put it here, it wasn't until I posted that I realised I had used the word 'stone' in S1 and S4. Your point about "this man" then fits - though I suppose there was an internal anger that 'this man' was more, and a selfis...

Hi Richard

I am coming to this after the earlier revisions and agree that "dog" works better than "Tommy".

I still prefer the original version of barks and children's laughter rather than like the laughter.

Regards
NorwichPoet

Hi there, I love this - when looking through the titles the simple "Umbrella" made me read. I love the analogies, though agree with an earlier comment that a little too sensuous for me in places. Love the humour and can clearly see the umbrella bobbing a long the street, fab! :D Norwich Poet

Hi there, Indeed a heavy subject as others have mentioned, but brought together feelings of a personal experience I have had - post Christmas funeral, so really feel the sentiment of unopened presents. My only comment (if I dare) is some lines lack rhythm/flow, I'm not sure which as I am a new poet ...

(V2) Updated on combined advice and also some other formats I had been playing with. (V1) This was written a few years ago now, so ignore any sentimentality - please treat it as a piece of writing (you won't hurt my feelings - honest)! V2 It seemed so simple, words on stone. Polished faces of cold g...

Hello All I'm a revisiting my poetry writing from many years ago. Am interested in getting some thoughts on the work I've done so far - just to make sure I'm not embarrassing myself! I've just started a creative writing course too - hoping to take this quite seriously, if anyone think my work's any ...