Poetry Forum

Hi Dedalus YES! I really enjoyed this. I'm not so close to the Irish as I am the Scots so I cant really say how the good the "Voice" was but it sounded pretty authentic to me. Well done, and an interesting story as well, bringing some evil spirits right at the end. Nice touch. Thanks for s...

Hello dedalus I hope you feel better now you got all that off your chest. Writing is cathartic. While the cause is worthy, (I think) and the anger and frustration came through loud and clear, you might want read the piece again after you've calmed down. Seems there is a basic flaw in that the first ...

What fool has gone this way before and left a trail that other fools might choose to follow? Endless dry gulch canyons threaded vein-like through desert plain toward the Great Gariep – slumbering somewhere beyond the seventh mountain. A narrow bed of sand, and broken stone twists between frowning pa...

Ray and Peter
Thanks for picking up on that glitch. It was an omision

and leave the denizens of evil to their own.

Wally

Hello Ant Thank you for those observations. In the case of SEED O' FLAME, you were quite correct, the language did not suit the chosen voice and I corrected it. (go take look) In this case, the voice defiantly emanates from an "old soul". Who he is exactly and where or when he comes from, ...

Hello Victoria I think you have a very good idea here. There is a lot of symbolism in the terminology of cloths and associated activities. Weaving is one of the oldest trades there is. I must point out that much more than a list is required to create a poem though and in my opinion your notes are mo...

Hello KJ I really loved this beautiful sketch, surely one of the best forum pieces I've seen posted in years! Coming to mine was Cooleridge's "Kubla Khan" "Amorphophallus titanum" "the changing giant phallus' - "the corpse flower - What a powerful symbol that is and ver...

Turn your back on the sun and
your shadow shall lead you
to places of darkness.

Face the light
and leave the denizens of evil to their own.

And should your shadow choose to stay behind,
'tis better that you seek more loyal kind.

Hi David After reading your intent for this poem it makes more sense. The other’s remarks though, intimate that (like me) most missed the lesson. This is the synopsis as I now see it; “Little grandchild on my shoulders, we explore exquisite wonders of the rock-pools at low tide. Later, it occurs to ...

Hehe This is whacky! It started like a limerick I heard somewhere which went something like: There once was a rumor of animal humor, considered by some quite extreme. We all had a laugh at a crazy giraffe who sat in tub of ice scream. (But I admit I ad-libbed a bit) :lol: My I suggest dropping the c...

Hello David, Thanks for this chilled out stroll on a rocky sea shore. It transported me somewhere else and had me intent all the way until S4. Warm imagery and interesting wordplay made this a pleasure to read. Loved the opening strophe! That being said, I did find some niggling issues with this pie...

Thank you Elph

That is a great resource for a piece such as this as well as fascinating.

Cheers

Wally

Hi
(as well as copulating with much fuss and noise) It would would make for some interesting verse - but, since it is Poet's duty to push language to new heights, we can authorise it; Get goosing everyone!

Loved this tongue-in-cheek piece! Good work.

Wally

It’s an old weary argument. What constitutes a poem? Six words are enough provided they convey the message the writer intends. The problem arises with interpretation and to whom the piece is targeted. Some poetry is deliberately selective while most writers aspire to appeal to a larger sector. Few c...

Hello Elph

Pleased tae meet yer jimmy

Thank you for your valuable input, I have used your advise already. Do you perhaps have a suggestion for "that" bearing in mind the narrator would likely have been a fisherman on a small boat and not well educated.

Cheers, Wally

Hello Sandbanx Thank you for popping in and commenting. The period is set postwar, when those type of flares became standard issue.The voice is not necessarily that old as that is exactly way old Jock McDonald (my grandfather-in-law) spoke and he was a Glaswegan with a very broad accent. I will cons...

Well, not just sea related or even Scottish, Ant. It just seems to me that paint on you elbows (which is probably caused by inattention more than chance) is hardly in the same league as three men vanishing without trace from a remote island. And was it pure chance the incident happened? Perhaps pure...

Good stuff Ant!
I love this kind of myth

Like Gibson summed up;

We seemed to stand for an endless while, though still no word was said,
three men alive on Flannan Isle, who thought on three men dead.

The only nit for me was the simile use in S2 could be a bit closer to the subject.

Cheers,

Wally

Oh that onion is a painful old fruit to peal and sometimes it can be found that even the exposed core can make one cry. I loved the use of your metaphorical skins, each very interesting in character. What about the the skin of steel chain-mail that armours our heart against cupids hurtful arrows? I ...

Well, not being a 10th grader yet, this was completely lost on me. Admittedly I struggle with abstract and where I come from life is perhaps more direct. It doesn't seem to got anywhere and the title was unhelpful. A cryptic puzzle that my tired old brain was not up to solving. Sorry Sol, old age is...

Hey Ant

Thanks for the impressions, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I overlaid the northern accent once my formal version had gelled and you are quite correct, be-glimpse is totally out of character. I shall consult with my Scottish father-in-law on a more suitable term.

Cheers,

Wally

(DIALECTIC tetrameter sonnet) Icarus, mae wee seed o’ flame, imbrees thir ee’n wi’ wings afire tae breinge yon blowster an proclaim yer blossom tae it smootie pyre. A spiral vine with red-eyed rose ignites the tempest, swinging high for sixty seconds she bestows her signal on a rampant sky. May God...

Hello Ant Since this is the first post of yours I’m reading, I am not yet familiar with your style. Please forgive me if my comments are off the mark. A typo in L7 ; The “I” is actually a numeral “1” This poem doesn’t really know what it wants to be. It reads like free form but with two rhymes slipp...

Hello Vincent.

Good work here, I loved the content but your layout and line breaks did not work for me at all. (S2) No comma is needed before a but. “we” is used five times! Perhaps you should consider pruning it out in a couple of places.
Thanks for sharing.

Cheers,

Wally

Hello Everyone, I have been writing for ten years and experimented with most forms and genres of poetry and prose. Most of my work is formal and recounts stories, myths and legends from the geographical region where I have spent my life – Southern Africa. I possess no formal literary qualifications ...