Poetry Forum

I agree, I prefer revision 1. I read all three in order and it's amazing what a little reorganisation of the lines can do - I thought the poem had been rewritten for the better rather than just moved around. So all credit to Macavity. I don't like the introduction of punctuation in revision 2 - as m...

Hi all, Thanks so much for your feedback, it's exactly what I was looking for. I'm very glad to see that, broadly speaking, it doesn't seem too forced to you. Then again, I suppose that's also partly due to the fact that, as you've pointed out, not every line rhymes or scans perfectly. It's strange,...

Hi Vincent, Love the revision, it feels much more polished. The part beginning "even gravity..." and ending "..before bed" is the biggest improvement as it genuinely adds to the poem in its previous form. I find it interesting that R Stinson criticises the line "even gravity...

I like the kind of double bathos - the comparison between a modern sports stadium of cigarette ends and an ancient gladiatorial stadium of chariots on the one hand, and on the other the contrast of the euphoria of the games with the quiet aftermath of the lonely cleaner. I also like the way the poem...

Hi Ros and Nash. A rhyming sonnet with meter isn't bad for a beginning! Glad to have you here. Thanks very much -- at the moment, I find it quite difficult not to write without some sort of formal constraint. Sometimes it's metrical, sometimes it's rhyme, often it's both. I don't know if this'll cha...

Hi, I really like this - it's a touching evocation of [spoilers?] getting your first football and learning to play. There's heaps of nostalgia but it never feels suffocating, though perhaps that's because it brought back my memories of playing football as a kid. I love some of the phrases - "ex...

Hi, I've only recently begun to write poetry. So far, almost all of it is very bad, but I think I'm slowly getting a little better. I also enjoy reading poetry, and just wanted a place where I could both get feedback and feed back in turn. I looked around a bit and this place was by far the most att...

I'm a little afraid that any further posting I make might seem a little forced, now. Seeing that there seemed to be a bigger proportion of threads with several replies than there were poems with no replies, and given that this was a board for posting a poem, I'd assumed that the best way to begin wa...

I'm sorry, I had no idea.

And I tried to write those fourteen lines Of self-contained self-expressive wit; Each ticking just a few short metric times Yet holding all the universe within it. And I couldn't find the words that changed A sense, a thought, another point of view; I couldn't find, within my anxious range, The note...