Poetry Forum

Thanks Richard, yes I prefer the way you have layed it out - thank you so much!

Take the Corporate Going Forward Circle Feedback Knowing Right In Stakeholders’ Silo Functions Blue Sky Thinking Line of Site. The voice kept speaking without saying anything but keeping on. Throughout the speech our souls lay beaten all humanity was gone. The message, if there ever was one, listene...

Excellent presented series of questions to the boys - ‘hear and later say’ works well as does ‘mice and men aside’ shell shock of sorts and tea very English and eccentric. Great work.

liked this, didn't mind the !'s

I found this evoked a disquiet as it unfolds and the final line brings sadness – was that your intention? Soldier boys works well in supporting the concluding line. Overall I enjoyed the imagery and like your posts

Outstanding! I did not read this at first, the title did not catch my eye. The edit works even better for me. Nice one.

RJH

Hi

I like this. 'Old cardboredtodeath box' is great. Reminds me of a flea market I went often to as a child. This is quite a sad poem.

RJH

We were close once, you and I Brothers in each other's arms Breakfasting for five long years Proud to say you were my mate. Then something happened You were living a lie Another life, no one knew. And the crimes you committed I can’t forgive. Only the Victims should have that right. I am left with m...

I thought ‘Blair’ straightaway after reading this, even before reading the comments, though perhaps it’s just my political bias coming out. Agreed it could fit Saddam or Stalin or so many others, but I concede comparing them to Blair seems wrong, however much I dislike him and his war criminality. I...

ha ha really enjoyed this true story and the choice he made for you certainly was the right one, cheers!

RJH

Thanks for the feed back, I agree with the points raised – it is not poetic enough by along chalk – but as an attempt to capture an idea - it was more an exercise in rhyme than in poetic expression. The young and gullible I also agree was not good enough. From start to finish I wrote this in half an...

(Revised following comments) The Atheists’ Verse Omniscient he knows all things What’s gone, what is and what’s in store. And at the same time this old God’s Omnipotent - all powerful! But these two states cannot exist The future he has set in stone He cannot change what is to come Omnipotence canno...

Richard, I like the visceral feel to this and the imagery. I agree with you that spitting venom with a sick is grammatically correct to me in describing how the next line was delivered by the speaker. Though may I suggest dropping ‘old’ in this line. I think it will scan better and is unnecessary - ...

Liked this very much, 'silences millions' stood out for me, gentle, considered feel to this

thanks richard

good idea shall consider another edit. i prefer v2 less obvious

cheers
RJH

just someone who liked cross dressing and has left, shame for us because the work place is duller now

So farewell fair Julie
Your presents always brightened our day
Your kind face
Your winning smile
That fine stubble
Your lovely big hands
And of course
Who could forget
Your shiny, bald
Head.

Beautiful, has am ephemeral quality

I like the subject and your execution – would like more emotion about the world viewed from space and our vulnerability thin blue line and all that

Hi mac, I was told this story yesterday - it is true - a contractor working for me from Belarus found a gun in a bag in the woods in Love Dean. On phoning the police they did NOT believe him saying it was probably not real. Eventually they did send someone, after he protested. Then they came and saw...

Whilst walking over Love Dean Wood A gentle man from Belarus Had chanced upon a travel bag And he was curious Oh what a shock, when opened up For inside lay a black hand-gun. Went reeling back upon his heels A deadly silenced one The operator took the call In broken-English to explain The circumstan...

nice one Mac - good way of getting out of that particular domestic chore - in the future

Hi mac, I really liked many aspects of this - especially the idea of an angel viewing a world of sin through a stained glass window; also ‘dreaming of garden days without original sin’ is particularly effective. ‘the spinning out of night’ I felt jarred a little and could be more lyrical but it coul...

Title>hands>photograph>chair>and a sense of finality and closure to conclude. I think you have a strong spine to the poem, though some of the detail is familiar (eg liver-spotted). I liked that juxtaposition of first/final; I could see the chair, pleased you didn't add another adjective there; 'kha...

KevJ wrote:There is a great sense of Melancholy In this one that I like. Is the first borne son visiting someone who has died or about to?

Thanks Kev glad you liked it - I started with the conceit that she had died, but it could be read that she is about to.

All the best

RJH