Poetry Forum

Additionally: symbols can be subjective. Symbolism, as in attributing deeper meaning to objects, doesn't follow a strict code of practice. What represents what is down to the artist, and the reader/experiencer. If the experiencer refuses to dig then hey ho.

Does blindness affect one's ability to dig? I suppose so. One takes what one wants to, or not. Did Nelson moan about his eye? Probably

"and we trust unto each other." Do we? I don't think so. Society doesn't work without trust, LOL. Anyway, thoughts are subjective, and relevant in that. As for the poem: Each phrase, each notion, looks and sound good. But the whole, as a story is baffling. I agree, it is abstract, but wit...

Hi Jonny, thanks for the read. There is a deeper undercurrent running through this, though may be a bit abstract. "play station" refers to society's tendency to seek and surround itself with play. And, I know the coin would indeed plop when it hit the liquid but would it not sink to the bo...

The cup rocked, but the air inside was still invisible. I knew it was there because someone told me, and we trust unto each other. The ultimate cooperation moving towards standardisation. Either that or the play station. Life tick-tocks me, flips me like a penny, a new one with infinite sides; makes...

Please god don’t let this ever stop, Don’t take away this feeling, this life, Now I can sense my dreams, They float as part of a future near, And possible, I wish for this, And before hope they will away the end, Now as a man who has it all, Why is it so easy to lose, can I lose? A dream cascade rea...

I die with hope in my heart, A knowing, a seeing of something known to many, To all will we look, Watching the kindness unfold fills my hope, and my despair asks for balance, But it is possible, We know it, A limited love is building our future, We need it so? Will we need it forth? Can I not be a b...

Ha ha ha very good!

I am on the Great Ouse right next to Denver Sluice.
It is very traquil, though the swans do pester me a little!

Jason

Original version: Gone forever the broken, flinted, dusty road, into a new world I passed, dodging the claws of bracken’s brethren, moving silently through the mist, My breath caught sight of itself, hissing its whispers, with the elegant pines, that dizzied me, as they turned, I twirled. Flashing b...

AH!
Nothing like a pessimist to keep us on our toes!

Cheers Jason

And more importantly in reference to what you were saying Barrie.
The Chinese government out of respect wont unearth the tomb which no doubt is full of treasure it is massive!

Respect is due methinks?

Jason

What about "The First Emperor's Tomb" still underground in China? It is massive and according to legend full of liquid mercury (backed up by the soil core-samples they have taken from the mound). Also the "Terracotta Army" thousands of individual full-size terracotta figures carv...

I am with SS but if you read the last line as a one-liner it can add a new dimension?

Jason

Full of great imagery, but it felt a little disjointed. Yes the short verse's by there very nature create this feel but it just didnt aid my read. Couldnt get into it but the outside being pulled in by the light wind did work for me. Maybe a different layout could settle this one down a bit? Cheers ...

I like this as it stands. Its just mind-flow and interesting to read.
Shows an aspect of life.

Jason

I liked the way you mixed Mythological characters into this one. It had an everday feel but magical.
I especially liked your out-lines...

Jason

I agree with Barrie here. "Pseudo" does stick out a little, sort of causes the mind to falter slightly.
The rework of the punctuation for the last verse is definately better.
And as to the metaphor you could have laid another couple of clues but I dont think it is essential.

Nice one Jason

Hey Binz, so you wanted more of the journey included? I will take a look and see what I can do. As to the rhymes, why avoid rhyme if it is there and means something? Saul I will attempt to explain why this poem was constructed the way it was. All of the lines in this poem even the seemingly contradi...

Whats wrong with getting pissed on St. Georges Day? Pubs are publicising it more and more, and yes of course we are gonna win the world cup...
Believe... you must believe

Jason

Cross-dressing... not in Norfolk!

I knew this one would cause a stir...

Jason

Lids heavy, eyes closing, My vision rosing over, Visions of a psychedelic nature, Featured in a world of action, Create in the brain for inaction, Take hold as a dream rests the brain, The eyes rest themselves by their own activity. Falling inward on ones self, Or soul departing body in a projection...

I was going to pick out my favourite parts but there were to many so...
The first line to hit me hard was this:

"crawled leaves dressed me"

Then it just carried on in the same vein/vane,
very neat

Jason

HA ha ha!

I liked this.
It was short and sweet and just the kind of style/subject matter I adore!

Cheers Jason