Poetry Forum

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a little more in the way of a response to the responses, David. These people - including me, I see - have all put a fair bit of time and effort into their comments on your poem. They deserve better and closer attention than you've given them here. Cheers Da...

Cheers TS, you were "bang on" about the title, have amended to reflect that. It gels more now with what I was trying to project.

Interesting.

Interesting is good, what I was aiming for.

Really enjoyed it RC, especially the ending.

Showbiz hacks report that he had met her on the family farm when they were teenagers, that at that time she weighed a whopping 500 pounds, but had lost weight for the ceremony like a prize-fighter loses weight to make a fight. "Sweated like a fat pig," is how haters online put it. Some ask...

Luce.
FB.
Mac.
Seth.
David.

Thanks all for your views, Will glean something from the whole. D

Brandon met L33 head on, emptying his Lewis gun, fifty explosive incendiary bullets, into the Zeppelin's stern section, it bucked and thrashed in mid-air like a harpooned whale. He banked around and hit the leathery hide again, but his gun jammed forcing him to call off the engagement. L33 escaped, ...

The "keys" could be memories unlocking. The whole piece could be memories coming back while "N" sits
beneath an (apple tree?) Interesting to reflect on why "N" is back where the tree grows.

My only reservation is that if I did that I'd lose the idea that the beach was hunted out of fossils, and that once when the N was a child there were many full annomites to be found.

Yes your right, your intention regarding what you wanted to imply to the reader did come across to me.

D.

Worked for me. the last 2 lines brought that bit of extra depth. The last 5 lines also worked on their own.

D.

https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=M%2bVH48Dv&id=ED239981BE07D7228C3C6C5A9C5582B355B38641&thid=OIP.M-VH48DvDeeUUhB9fa3CpgHaEt&q=reeds+in+bloom&simid=608050840102440273&selectedIndex=50&ajaxhist=0 https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid...

Cheers FB, have incorporated 2 of those thoughts, I want the "window."
D.

You had no-one to hold your hand and comfort you, or a doctor to diagnose and write a prescription for whatever it was that ailed; no, you were alone with your last breath, and I can tell from the way you lie that you keeled over onto your side and curled up to die. You could hear the lake lapping, ...

Seth asked:

What are people reading that they are finding engaging?

Just finished, for the second time!! Blood Meridian. If you have not read it (knowing you like prose and poetry) then I would recommend it. Hell of a thing.

PS. I'm up for joining in.

A tufted duck, eyes like buttons of gold, jumps and dives. The lake shivers. I'm wearing gloves, the ones you knitted in no time. We're tired. Liked this Mac, the gloves are a great touch. like the v' in "dives" and "shivers." My short-cut was a thinning path, giddy inclines, han...

Now starts the deceit, when the sharpness of vowels and consonants shapes the blades that betrayals are made of. Our cuts are deep and so we grasp the strands in the words that makes us whole that allows us to face each other in the stark light of morning, across the kitchen table. You say you’re s...

I keep the same beauties in my favourites Antcliff.

A sloe hedged path of grass and moss leads to a channeled stream embossed upon the creeping muddy drift where their awaits our little skiff. VERB embossed (past tense) · embossed (past participle) carve, mould, or stamp a design on (a surface or object) so that it stands out in relief: "an emb...

DS. Whilst I appreciate helpful comments from fellow aspiring poets, I think, judging from your comments, that you need help understanding and interpreting my poem and I'm happy to assist you as follows ; You say ; Hung there are six I see are dead their lovely plumage sodden red, they fell like hai...

Thank you for your view Fortytwo.

Well met sir, in this silent wood where I seek verse and you seek blood, I knew you were not far from here your gun spoke loud, its message clear. I judged your day was a success I found a pheasant in distress, the shot you fired had pierced its eye surprising that it did not die. Hung there are six...

Size seven shoes
on size nine
feet

FB.
Mac.
Ray.
Luce.

Thanks all for your views.

Used "banks" for "wheels" after Luce's prompt.

My mouth is filled with water, Thick, black water. The kind that you can’t cough up or swallow. The taste of your words glaze my tongue Making my breath bitter and hot. I can’t speak, I can’t speak without it spilling from my mouth Like a waterfall gushing from my palette, Sour and angry. My throat ...

Thanks for your thoughts Ray, happy you got something from this draft.

Who loves those days when the sun is hazed and the sea unruffled with its mirrored glaze shows every ripple and fish that moves in the current's stream swept surface ooze. Have amended the above verse slightly so that it reads more smoothly. I also think that the word "ooze" does not make ...