Poetry Forum

(First Draft) I imagine you receiving the call. Standard run of the mill type of job. Old man. 80. found unresponsive, Face down in the “quiet room” Calm and considered you attempt To decipher the hysterical rambling Of a half drunk son bent double over His already dead dad. I imagine Despite the na...

The sea sings differently: As if it knows These feet are not here to tease. Deeper as it clings cold To the knees The harmonies clang Like dented cymbals. When it reaches my breast As if to test my ambition The coldness warms, Wrapping a whole history Around me, And I embrace it. Happy to be lost to...

Good, to see a lot of you are still here. I would love to tag along. Still living in Ireland, but would be a great reason to return to my homeland. Meeting you guys might inspire me to write again. Still haven't penned a poem in over 3 years, its hard and frustrating, but I am patient. I return here...

Thanks to ya all for your feedback. Much to ponder here. Been some time since I felt compelled to actually write anything, so I am happy just to have something written down. I will need to sit and think about the "to telly" comments, my work has mostly always been via the narrative sense b...

Thanks for the feedback Mac You are quite possibly right about the "telly" bits. I havent wrote anything for about three years so this is probably a consequence of that. "Layered" Will go. Ending on a "the" is poor! the use of touch is also a little to much and will als...

Hi. Nice work. For me the strength of the poem is in the second stanza. Especially the last two lines. There is a great description in the first stanza regarding the breathing/crisp packet. Not entirely convinced with the first line, while I like the description of the forty fag a day face, I am not...

Much to admire here. You prosper when the sun retires to his hush-hush sanctum. Lovely opening- fantastic second line Near flurries of midges and swooping bats I chart your seas. These tranquil hours leave me naked under hollow eyes, lying on lawns with violets. I think the part above is the weakest...

Revision 2 Wasn't that once us? larking silly limbed from leather sofa to kitchen sink. Your laugh, the real one, unrestrained, with girlish tones would colour any of those white-painted rooms we fooled around in. And that smile, so honest and unrehearsed. We were both blank canvas's being painted ...

Many thanks for the suggestions. Have made a few amendments. Agree with the sun softened shed roof, have now removed roof. Have also removed the streaming light-year nonsense- would have laughed at myself for writing that two years ago! The end is also now different. Not quite sure it is what I want...

The rain does not mutter, makes no apologies for its relentlessness. It is absolute. Celebrating drabness in every garden and gutter. May, the month of my birth, only celebrated by pursuing the memory. There is sepia in the air. So I go to the place where everything is so nearly tangible to find my ...

How lucky the pigeons who chimney hop the roofs of Derry.
Quite the romance on a dreery rain-bead morning.

Wasnt that once us? larking from leather sofa to kitchen
sink. We once was. Wasnt we?

Of course this is merely a shadowy attempt to gain some form of cyber-sympathy, so during the bleak unerverring hours of night when the merest twitch of a wind blown twig taps the blackboard window, sends me into a nervous stomach churning wreck. If I had a large enough spoon I would coax it down my...

Call it a muse, call it a desperate vain desire to make sense of this world. It matters not. It has gone.

Hope you are all well.

Maybe one day I can return with words

Regards

Vincent

She rid herself of me two minutes before West Ham There on the trembling floor of the train. Shat me out she'd say to her nightly Crowd of hopeless men. Quite the comic, She’d call me in, parade me amongst the bottles And tin can ash trays, tell them all how me father Was a Millwall fanatic, imagine...

Cheers Nash, have checked out your links.... look interesting. Will give it a go.

Cheers Seth

Regards

Vincent

Thaks folks. Macavity, you're right about laying it on to thick here, I knew it as I wrote it but found no better way at the time. Something to work on in the edit. Ray, again, that part does read contrived and is something I will be working on- thanks. Will add the a before parentless completely mi...

Hi David Yep, liked this. I do however, and this is purely for my own reading reasons, think that you could do without the "like a" commando, and merely have She slips from beneath the garden shed- a commando; propels herself with cunning elbows and belly deep slinking into moonlight that ...

Hi Mic. There is much to admire here and parts of this poem work really well. I cant add much more to the previous comments as my thoughts mimic much of thiers. There are lines which stand out and others that seem lame in comparission, i think this is partly due to the strengh of some of the images/...

Hi There. There is nothing wrong with writing about words/muse/inspiration. But as its been done to death, I would think its important for the writer to tackle it from a different angle. Unfortunately, at present this is your bog standard approach. Please dont think I am being harsh, as thats not my...

Hi.

As mentioned the opening three lines are a good start but then nothing really happens thereafter, maybe thats the desired affect, i.e boredom etc.

I like the line break on ciggarettes.

cant really add anything else at present.

Sorry.

Best regards

Vincent

I know the craic is to make some critques on here before posting and I will..... I promise, I am just a little nervy at present as I have only just dipped back into poetry, and to critque another persons work seems more daunting than posting a poem. I do however know from experience that critquing w...

Hello again. Vincent here. Had to open a new account as could not get back into my old one. Am back to ignite a flame. cannot, have not wrote any poetry for over a year, and find reading it a real challenge at present, hope to source some inspiration from some posts here. Hope you are all well. Best...