Poetry Forum

Kris

What a great piece this is! Love the enigma-noir about it.

Tony

Hi ray

There's something sensuous about snaky sibilants, but seriously, nice piece.
Nice last line.

Tony

Thanks Caleb Glad it made you think for a bit. Piggy stick by the way, was a high strength cider they used to sell in a nightclub I once frequented lol Sorry for the arcane reference Nice to see you again Ray! My dying father in laws porch collected leaves because a strange whirlwind effect. I think...

Thanks mac, nice edit.

John lol

white lightning, White Frost, Diamond White, Frosty Jack.

Tony

Great honest piece.

From the impulse to the writing...draws me to the impulse.

Tony

That's exactly it. Not lost, but found in translation


Tony

revision 1 The tramps are sitting beside the Cathedral drinking White Lightning and Piggy Stick and having the best fun they can. Outside of your empty Fathers house- there’s a kind of whirlwind that collects leaves between the porch and the garage. Now the tramps are sitting beside the Cathedral ju...

That's funny John. "Barbarian cowpork" has a certain ring to it. Glad you liked it Caleb.

Tony

Thanks Mac, Caleb , glad you liked it.
Good job you weren't a teenager today John, you might have been jumping rooftops with a self-stick and phone in hand

Tony

You scroll down the online menu of your favourite Curry House, Onion Bahji, Vegetable Pakora, Prawn Parathta. Suddenly you see the strange subtitle- ghost meat, above the minced chicken kebabs, Shiish kebabs, a misnomer, mis-translation, but somehow correct; the evisceration of flesh, meat that's be...

Thanks Mac for the suggestion but sometimes lines just come to you. Once i get thinking about "inner perception" that's when it stops.

Not sure if it's modern poetry, Caleb, but glad you found something in it you liked( too hot lol)


Tony

Thanks John

The insane things you get up to when you were a kid? Or was it just me?

I used to bend my head
towards on-coming trains
pressing
my ear on the steel tracks
listening
with glee and fear
the metallic
hiss from miles away

putting a ten pence piece on the rail

the coins that were flattened
seemed like the coins of kindness.

Hi Caleb As Mac suggested, you don't need the first verse. But it's a bit forced overall too. You could trim it down here is my version I could only think of the homeless woman I walked past forty years ago at midnight in New York City, on my way to the subway from a second-shift job. She slept in t...

Thanks John

Take a walk on the outer walls
of that old city.
It’s Winter, getting dark,and the faces
of commuters are harried as gargoyles;

the ache of the day is still in us,
and you are still missing your pills.

By that logic a monkey on a typewriter will write the complete works of Shakespeare if given enough time.
Tony

Thanks John for the critique, maybe an apology is in order. If you are going to say something, just say why you said it. Surely it's more constructive for your own clarification as well, of your likes and dislikes that can build into your own poetry. Does anyone actually learn anything on this forum...

John I don't mind people saying that my poetry is shit, as long as they say why...which you didn't. This is a poetry forum after all. In all my time on here I have never left a remark like that and never said why I didn't like the piece. Thanks mac, for your insights. I've not processed them yet but...

Hi caleb

Reminds me of a self-pitying Bukowski poem
without the irony, but that's a good thing in my book.
At least you are aware

Tony

I like "the brains lumber room"

Tony

John Thanks for the reply and all that, but please don't hide behind a response in lieu of a so called critique. There are so, so many bad, trite, boring poems of yours that I have lost count of, that I could have aimed at with a one-liner. This a poetry forum. We all write shite poetry. Me, you eve...

me too thank fuck

Tony

A door opens and no one closes it.
The sky has the lock in its one good hand.
The evening has passed its sell by date.

Newspapers whisper of happiness.
A light will always flicker on and off,
like a lighthouse, dreaming.

Even stone, you’ve forgiven.

Love it

Tony