Poetry Forum

postpones the Autumn,
prorogues the Coronation
until we say 'yes'

the transfer window,
locked against the loosened leaves,
lets the late sun in

I loved the imagery with one qualification which I might mention at the end. Once I got the gist of the poem and dispelled an unfortunate image from my mind, the morning routine of likely futile hope and expectation was great with beautiful imagery Please forgive my foul imagination which was of Leo...

Lovely autumnal wonders that lead
up to those decussating trails.
Any other year, any other season,
could be an advert for Halifax
I suppose.
Will we be having a countdown?
I hope so Seth

Certainly the second verse is great and I agree about the magnificence of 'my nose will plough the secret earth of you' which did not feel comical just so full of physical sexual expression to me. The first stanza is I suppose is so much weaker but a decent, lesser introduction to the magnificent fi...

What a great poem to celebrate this season of shows. Our local leek club show is this Saturday followed by a huge number of others around the county. There are many gladdies. I had a response already prepared but steamboats beat me to it and I wanted to suggest how pleasant to find a humble friend a...

Hi Seth, David

Made an attempt to take your points on board and I like it better for your suggestions. Thank you very much.

dafra

Thanks for reading Seth. Maybe you're right but.. I'm sure by now that you will see the shallowness of the language of my poems. They don't have many layers of meaning. This one essentially was about that second hand recorder I bought just to listen to those old tapes. I chose the rhythm to reflect ...

Really interesting story. Hurry along with part two.

Thanks d

Hi cynwulf I'm sorry vacuumed jarred for you but it was the right word. I was thinking of the cabin pressure being instantly sucked (or Hoovered if you wish) out of the fractured cabin. I actually had the image of a Wilson cloud chamber in mind. It also has the advantage of a slight alliteration wit...

David I've taken on board a little and I've altered some of the lines which I had shoehorned in by avoiding articles just to preserve the tetrameter. I considered putting in a section of pentameter to vary the timing but it started to get even clumsier with lost words. I remember my original reasoni...

his master’s silence.
shellac shards signing the snow
cuneiforms his pain

Thanks David

I wasn't trying to be poetic, just preserving the tetrameter. Sort of dashed it off and any rhymes were accidental.

Please suggest methods of varying the meter to make it less boring.

dafra

REVISION 2 (10/9/14) Two weeks ago, in Memory Lane, A shop for used and second hand, I chanced upon a Pifco reel-to-reel. Five years that Mum had passed away, The box of tapes had lain unused Without the means to play them through. The labels, curled, had quit their posts, Described our Yuletide par...

Sorry elf, I thought the Icarus metaphor weak. He drowned whilst escaping. I suppose not following the sage advice of your father and drowning in alcohol on a stag weekend and the fall has some resonance. Reminded me of the film 'In Bruges' where there definitely was a flight and fall

Yes, would be similar to moonlight which at brightest casts shadows and does show up motes. Maybe "The Moon dust falls through received Earthlight"

Thanks Seth, I sometimes go overboard with alliteration.
dafra

Hi mac

My title was ironic. The life time was about 45 seconds (according to Newton and ignoring friction).
Blessedly the young couple would have been almost instantly unconscious as their ride commenced.
Just my take on MH17.

dafra

Coexist in peace
all religions of the world
demonstrate your love

The idea is a great antidote or challenge to Jihadism but some of the rhymes make me shudder and the meter was so uneven it spoilt the message for me.

But I loved the idea.

I enjoyed this view through the window from the old house. I did however find it hard to reconcile that abbysal field with the view you describe. I couldn't think of a reason for vertical depth. Our swallows drink on the wing gliding quickly just above open areas of water, trailing their beak. Langu...

Ride of a Lifetime

At twenty past that fatal hour
The lovers, hand on hand, were mute.
Unconscious in the vacuumed air
At over thirty thousand feet.
So sitting side by side in space
Began their ride to ground's embrace.

dafra

Why split the difference between poetry and prose? I find that I respond to heightened language, language that has a multitude of meanings, no-matter the form. I've given up on my expectations of what poetry should be to me and just accept what is served up here in the name of poetry. Thus when I re...

Wheat used to be sown in small fields. Wildlife hedges have been grubbed out to give huge, more economical areas, prairified.

Hi Sue
That's a big number.

Feel a little strange welcoming you when I'm just a newbie myself.

dafra