Poetry Forum

Thank you nar & elotrooso for the close readings. @ nar Will replace the "its" with "it is". Agree that "spells" breaks the rhyme but needed to come up with a word that rhymes will "cell". @ elotrooso Your close reading has been especially insightful. I wa...

Thank you Macavity, David, byneothr & Cynwulf . This is my first attempt at writing a rhymed sonnet and I’m sure all your comments are equally valid. @ Macavity : Is it sometimes okay to leave a reference such as “he” unspecified ? @ David & byneothr : Agree with you. At one level the poem c...

The earth is made of beautiful things linked cell by living cell, held in place by little things like moms, dogmas and faery spells. Of all which moves the earth, love is chief. Like manna-dew or rain it’s light bestowed from above in promethean and sacred ways. To be sure there abounds human sorro...

hi Mic,
Liked the poem

How about "slender arms" instead of "arms" ? (its sorta rhymes with lavender too)
and remonstrate (or gesticulate or motion) instead of demonstrate ?

"making me smile so" ... instead of "making me laugh so" ?
B

I think ure referring to a Prairie Schooner
http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/top ... e-schooner

Since so much depends on the means of transportation (in this case)
IMO I think using Band Wagon incorrectly seems to subtract than add

IMO the first two lines could be simplified, perhaps as
It’s said – getting drunk
is borrowing happiness from tomorrow

also why not drop “front room” ?

hi Moth, I liked the way the poems seems to allude to something without quite revealing it (its either that or I'm being dense). I'm thinking it’s something to do with fertility with references to Bloom, "pregnant as it gets" and the unopened bud. I seem to loose the poem from here,"a...

Thank you David & Moth. You comments are much appreciated. @ David I wrote partook since S1 is in past tense. I've often struggled with maintaining consistent tense. Does it still need to be partake of? (given that the stanza is in past tense) I agree, the second “I've” should be dropped in S2. ...

East Sea I’ve returned from a journey, what an amusing dream it has been, say yes to everything whispered the naked heart. There were lakes, mountains and trees, two brown ponies, big and shaggy and colorful kites on the windy beach. I partook in the loaves of earth, drank the red wine of the sun. ...

The images of "Steam", "silence" evoke fragility, "round" on the other hand seems tad heavy. wouldn't rim suggest circular ? (I agree not as a rule but more often than not) I liked the second stanza especially the long sentence across lines. Meaning dissipates without y...

Thank you Jackie. I'm building up my courage

Hi Kev,
Earthlight makes sense now. After rereading the poem Earthlight snapped into place (and felt better than sunlight).

Capitalizing Earthlight tripped me, also the lack of a “,” after Earthlight.
Either I’m splitting hairs or I’m not getting my indentation correct.

Beo

Hi Kev, I like the revised version. It appears tighter. I've often struggled with opening lines, Is, "The Moon dust falls in the bright Earthlight Buzz plants a boot print in the glassy lunar soil," to be read as complete logical unit ? I'm a little confused with Earthlight in here . I'm s...

It is remarkable that you maintained a rhyme scheme for twelve stanzas. I like the ambiguity of the first three lines that draws you into the rest of the poem (is it a lady? is it a bird ? is it an insect ? etc etc.. until one reaches the fourth line. In some instances though, the rhymes appeared &q...

Thank you David & Antcliff.
No relation to Cynwulf but nudged in the direction (in opting for Beowulf)

Hello Mike, I am new to this forum. Am slowly easing myself in and hence the post on a thread which isn’t "red hot" at the moment. I like your conceptualization. On the other hand, the "rage" appears pronounced. Like winding sentences up "A silver piece it was ...", &qu...

Hi,
I am glad to be on the forum.
Posting my poems online and receiving feedback is new to me.
I hope to contribute and benefit from this.
Thank you
Beo