Poetry Forum

If I made music My anger would be the drums My sobs the vocals. If I wrote a book I would tell you about me With ink from my wounds. If I filmed movies They would be the memories Of my long gone dreams, The same dreams that I Will forget in a few years When I'm forgotten too... But, I'm no musician,...

It rhymes better now, LD, but it's still quite a bumpy read. I like the idea of falling sleep at the keyboard, and how you demonstrate that, but there are still a number of phrases - thoroughly write, forcibly write poems, I go to sleep and fall behind - that don't sound like anything that someone ...

Hey Steven,
On the fifth stanza the lines "a boulder sits.... rebar to my core" we're a bit confusing to me. Either way, you did a really nice job conveying the emotions you must have felt when you saw all of this and the hope that the refilling of the gorge gave you. Have a nice Christmas!

Hello Cynwulf, I really like the poem, though I can point out that it would be nice if you could add a transition between the first and the second stanzas. You could even just put the first stanza after the second, which would make the poem clearer. Besides that everything is pretty good, I specific...

The One Who Screams in the Desert Hear the voices of the ocean And my whispers in the forest, Yet there's no more than plain silence In the middle of the desert. Keep running down this city's roads Overwhelmed by human presence; Funny how these fools and foes Hide their true distinctive essence. Who...

I think I'd like more rhymes - nonsensical or not. Or am I just missing them? Cheers David I agree David, and I have posted the new version along with the original one. I would be thankful if you would be so kind as to review the new one and tell me any flaws that are still present. Thank you so mu...

This is so freaking good! One of the main details I liked was that you were able to rhyme without forcing it, if you know what I mean. Also, I love the telling of such tough story with a bit of a lighter twist, kind of gives it a bit of a certain irony that goes along well with the warning you commu...

Just as stated above, the last three lines before the "no" threw me off a bit. Everything else was very creatively, from the way you make the title, "no," and "he was right" outstand really adds in to the poem by making it flow very well while still communicating the me...

I want everyone to read my stuff, and enjoy it. But if the shape of it disturbs you, I don't want to hold you. Go read something with a better shape. Do you believe that the shape of a poem signifies its merit? If not, let's talk about the merit of the poem. Thanks for the question. Sorry if you go...

Oh guys thank you for replying! Macavity, I did change my username because I did not like 'Froot' :? , but yeah I kind of thought for a moment that the title might give a different expectation. After all, this is my first posted poem, I did not put a lot of effort into the title. Jackie, Yup, the ti...

Improved structure organization, title, and rhyming: Numb Heart By Lackadaisical What are these empty lines that I thoroughly write? Do I darken my paper with interesting lies? No, I numb it with countless nonsensical rhymes. This is because the lack of sleep takes My numb heart from the blue ocean'...

Greetings, I am new to the forum as you can blatantly see, so please be patient with my novice poems and critiques. I do write a good poem every once in a while, but for the most part they will be definitely below average. My knowledge on poetry is rather limited, so do bear with my basic critiques ...

I absolutely love it. Its simplicity is its strength. The sight portrayed really fills up the mind with thoughts of ambiguity which really adds to the theme. The more I read it the less I am able to perceive the flaws (if there's any). The last sonnet is the strongest part of the poem.

Strong opening line... It got my attention. However, I do feel like the odd placement of the poem's lines in form of a parragraph makes it a little hard to keep up with the poem and concentrate on the depth of it. Also, the point of view seemed a bit unstable to me, as if it went from apologizing fo...