Poetry Forum

Today it tastes sad, lonely inside. But tomorrow will taste bad, fighting for life. I try to move on, finding a way. But the taste just wont go, the taste stays all day. Lonely, sad, that feeling inside - the taste just wont pass, the taste just wont die. These lines resonated with me quite strongl...

I like the mystery story here (what changed?). I also took it as implying illness.

I wonder if the end could be strengthened by saying where the picture is now:
"The picture you bought still rests where you left it."
Letting the reader infer the neglect?

Peter, thanks for reading this and commenting. Pleased you liked it, it's a very special atmosphere predawn, hard to put into words. Thanks also for your suggestion, I have an aversion to adverbs-almost a phobia; this piece is salvaged from yet another failed attempt at writing an englyn and the ha...

This is very evocative, a beautiful description of the pre-dawn sky.
I particularly liked 'night's last lantern' for Venus.

I wasn't too sure about 'hazed' in:

cynwulf wrote: ashen ocean hazed fades
into crowding clouds,

Perhaps 'fades hazily'?

JJ, David, thank you for your further comments. I shall take them into account for a new version.

You know, it crossed my mind that Jane might be JA. But I think you're right, you need to make your title work harder. Or to put more that's identifiably Janeist into the poem itself. I think a new title's definitely in order! I still find it hard to distil what you're actually saying. Can you summ...

At first I thought you were writing about a person, then I decided to take the title at face value. I like the title and I like the poem in general. I'm glad you liked it. A couple of points about rhyme: Again you sit beside a chair and look ...'look' and 'back' are good slant rhymes. Would a table...

I like the metre, Peter. (See? Always rhymin'.) Thanks! Unlike David S, clearly, I have no idea what an octal frame might be. And who is Jane? I'm missing something crucial there. I must be particularly thick this evening. It was meant to refer to the shape, being octagonal, but it seems I made a m...

Peter, I really enjoyed this, ... Particularly liked "the toil upon the octal frame." And its "mute state." Thank you David. the only line that gave me trouble was, line 1 verse 2, I couldn't quite fit the meaning of it in. I perhaps abbreviated too much - in long form "we,...

Again you sit beside a chair and look Upon the well-known street, both same and changed. Your darkened hue suggests the time elapsed. What ventures took you from this place and back? We passing strain to see what marks remain, Or if some magic lingers from that hand, Which centuries past in daily to...

I enjoyed this too. The imagery is interesting, and the last verse, alluding to the museum, was surprising and rounds off the poem well. I prefer consistent structure, so I would like to see those remaining stanzas with rhymes in lines 1 and 3, like most of them are. I did find the jump to 'hauberk'...

I enjoyed this. Interesting theme, with fun links to other plants, leading to a memorable conclusion. Nothing to change to my mind, although I initially found the line breaks jarring, and needed a few reads until I got the right pace.

I liked the imagery of this - I have been drawn back to reread a few times now. However, I feel that it gets a bit laboured in the second stanza. Could the lines be shortened a bit? eg: "clears the haze for a short time" could be "briefly clears the haze", and "stagnation ma...

An attractive poem, Katherine. i like the rhythm and rhyme, and the clearly expressed sentiment. With parents long gone, i experience just the same - that familiar voice still rings out from time to time.

I've been reading this forum for a little while now, and recently registered and posted a couple of comments. Thought I would add a little about myself. I've only recently begun to read poetry regularly, after a serious bout of illness, which will be with me lifelong. I quite liked Keats before, and...

The whole an interesting conceit. Well, I'm learning. I hadn't realised 'conceit' was a technical term, and was puzzled by this comment, until I came across the word by chance in the book I'm reading by Drury. The poem's an interesting idea. I think it would work without the last line: I quite like...

This is an enjoyable poem. I like the strong rhythm and the rhyme, and the theme appeals to me too. Just one part jarred with me, but I'm a beginner at poetry so this may just be me. The following lines in the fourth stanza didn't seem to be in the same rhythm as the rest of the poem, and I stumble ...