Poetry Forum

I think it's great, and the randomness of the treecutter is a great interjection to the normality of theducks, although having many ducks isn't really normal at all, which makes the treecutter fit right into the scene.... not that normal is a thing.... I know that I'm not analysing this piece, vut t...

As far as I'm concerned poetry is what you make it, there aren't rules, only guidelines. There's alot of concepts within poetry that count to form, but it's your idea and your expression and as long as it's genuine I don't think you can really go wrong. You've never any guarantee people will be able...

Thanks for all the comments. I think I'll have a look at the structure and see if I can keep the power all the way through. I'm glad it's been effective - I might work on the existing imagery, and see if I can answer the question aet at the beginning. To be honeat I didn't even think before about wh...

David - yes, the formatting is up for debate, it's only written like this because that's how I usuallly write but yes, this piece is too disjointed the way it is. I think making it easier to read is a definite change. Ros - yep and yep, it was a kind of cleansing write first off, notes, if you will,...

It's just typography, no real intention, just the way it was written. The piece was written one night after coming out of a quite serious depression, and finding that I was in myself for the first time, and that I hardly knew who I was or where I could go, and that for the first time I could choose ...

....the Am before alien should be An.... the formatting of the written version is in four columns of 10-14 lines. I tend to feel that some words need a line of their own but I'm not sure it works too well with parts of this.

I am here In this Wilderness, A Transient Virgin, Full Of the Unknown. Am Alien Within Myself And an Experience Waiting To happen... In The Corner Of A Self Unexplored - A Desert Of Pure Possibility. I Do Not Even Know I Am Here Until I Find A Reflection, An Implication Of Expression, A Sign That I ...

Yep I agree, I think the rhyme limits the potential expression in this, and the title is a bit.... meh. I think there's certain nominal words used that could be developed into something more fantastical to fit with the tone.... some of the lines are quite cumbersome, but I think that's an effect of ...

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And I much prefer the blatency and punch of the second version :)

in your Dadda English, in the weh weh blur of half notes, that is Some day I will leave without it making a splash in the newspapers Loved these lines !! I like the tone of the poem and what I think it's saying - I think it could read a bit smoother, its um um upturned song, their own felt rims of e...

....surely if you're posting asking for critique then you have an obligation to listen to how people read your poetry? If you're writing just for yourself then don't post and inquire how it reads. I agree that the ohrases used are cliché. Personally, a good poem is one which portrays something we al...

....by fresh I mean sunny and simple, I think it's quite easy to misinterpret the poem because of the wording and imagery.

I agree with peter about the superficiality, but it's a subject with definite archetypal imagery, universal atmd almost without exception. I can imagine its hard to have a unique view on heavenly matters. ....but this confuses me.... Then when, in blazoned reds and golds, my god takes rest down thos...

I think 'rice' sounding like it's been stuck in for the rhyme is great, it adds to the nonsense of the piece. I'm not sure about the diamonds and cheese line, and should the fridge be freezer :$?

I think you're being too hard on artefacts what would you suggest?

....I don't understand why the use of artefacts would imply irony?

Hi, Thanks muchly for the comments, it's untitled cause I've not gotten there yet, I'm struggling to find something simple. ... and the 'al' is a typo :) I thought about stretching the imagery but I'm not sure I could rewrite with the same tone, it was written at quite an emotional time and I don't ...

What is left Now Of I? A wild eyed banshee, Screaming And Spitting The selfish syllable 'I' Through yellow Splintered Teeth And rancid bleeding gums All static - Al noise - All Hatred? This is NOT I (this was never I)... I am her ladyship In a silk dress And I confer with wisdom In a high and cloudl...

This is really sweet!!! I wasn't too sure of it at the beginning as i'm not a major fan of rhyming.... I think it's clever and subtle, the rhymes give it a nice swing instead of a steady pace. I think it could benefit from a few more powerful, striking words - maybe some dramatic punctuation or clev...

Hi, first critique on here

I prefer your original - it reads like shifty haikus, and with a little edit/typography i think you could easily make it a sequence of haikus that could be read in any order - it would give an unusual edge and play to a simple idea.

Hullo, I've been writing for 15 years, excercise my style everday.... Sometimes I feel accomplished, sometimes I finish a piece with no idea what my original intention was.... I've writted on various forums, and came across this one and thought I'd come and judge you all :D:D i'm excited to see what...