Poetry Forum

You're kidding no one except yourself what you couldn't stomach was the fact that in quality quantity and readership my work was dominaing this clumn and you and your talentless cronies had to find a solution. You want to keep this forum dominated by wrk which os nothing more than simple narrative p...

This poem has been moved to Beginners from Experienced not because it warrants it but because my poems where dominating the Experienced section both in quantity, quality and readership. This is not an open fair forum, it is controlled by the few for the few

In what way is this anything other than plain narrative. What precisely makes it poetry ? And you have the gall to define my work which is superior to this nonesense in every way. This is narrative plain and simple and has nothing that sets it apart. Don't worry I'm going this is NOT a poetry forum ...

I suspect that your comment was designed "to take me down a peg" but as you well know not only am I not a beginner but my work is of a quality that few can match on this forum. If you don't know that it would be no surprise as many who set themselves up as expert here haven't a clue.As for...

:roll: Thankyou for adding a footnote of humour through your critiue, particulaly the reference to specifying the exact recipe which I now realise I should have devote a seperate verse to. Conflicting views on "posture of success" but if it satisfies both parties happy to toss a coin on it...

We had a car, not many did, purchased and fueled by bread and jam for tea for years, a fact I hid from envious friends who’d mock the sham of my dad’s posture of success if known the car meant eating less. So while, no doubt, they envied me I envied chicken Sunday lunch and hearing their mum’s recip...

For years I lived on a corner where cars repeatedly sounded their horns. The constant repetition means that to this day whenever I hear a car horn I jump. Now whenever I read 'Titanium spork' I will respond in the same way. Full marks for quantitative audacity but please 'rap' it up sooner next time.

I like your theme but here's another way much of what you wrote could be formatted. It's just an example of an alternative approach of succinct rhyme.. He sits upon the village bench handing out smiles to passers by then rests his smile upon the ground when no-one’s there to catch an eye Age watered...

:roll: I have found some critique a useful spur to revision and some offensive in its ignorance of what is being criticised. I am reminded of a traveller late in the last century who while visiting a small fishing village discovered an old fisherwoman fixing live eals to a nail on a post and strippi...

Revised version is unity not harmony and it makes sense to me. It's simple enough if your capable of understanding it and also what it implies that it was the end of that sense of tunity/empathy that started the slow, not instant, decline of the relationship with misunderstanding and failure to comm...

Re-posted original. Now happy with poem as it stands. Thanks for your suggestions.

Also just changed the title.

Thanks Crayon, you made me look harder ans revise. Took some of your pounts and some changes of my own. Hope you think its improved.

David thank you for such a thorough review. As is evident the birth analogy is the foundation of the poem. The second verse maintains and builds on that and in my opinion is the better verse if I had to choose. The thinking in "still newborn" is a play on "stillborn" but done so ...

I did post two reviews today before posting my poem so where does the problem arise ?

The soft white belly of the clouds above the triangle of sea reminds the old analogy, with silent valley birthed at morn unliving as a still newborn beneath the skies pale misted shroud. Now mornings amniotic light bleeds ruddy streaks to stain the sky, firing the day’s new life to cry its wake in o...

Well this resonates, indeed who hasn't lived it, except a hermit. Much enjoyed

Much enjoyed. I think the poem fully validates the effort you have put in.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Thanks for pointers. For me the whole "poem" was a little experiment as it isn't my thing with intermittent rhyme etc. Awakened now replaces woke. Thanks.

Thank you for such thorough comments. Letting me know your preferred format was why I put the two versions on so thanks. I think there's a common misconception that to rhyme will always limit expression and obviously it reduces choice of word but for me that is the challenge of poetry. My personal o...

I won't pretend to know what the gatepost represents though I know what it does'nt....a gatepost. Frankly with s little said the gatepost could be just about anything. Trying too hard to seem clever

Large dose of cynicism and irony. Medicine did me good and I didn't have to hold my nose when I took it. Thanks.

A convention of the night..
sleep
but no-one told the day
and it wont go away
and let me rest.
At the very best
my thoughts retreat
for a mere peep
at unconsciousness.
Then awakened,
stress and fret,
until
daylight lets itself in again
less I lie and forget.

[center]I miss you still, all’s hurt and weep shrouding the orb and stars, while nourishment’s a pot of poisoned love that in my desperation I consume cold on the ash of angers fiery words. I sift and rake love’s cinders so to find some fragments to construct a fragile chain to fasten me to you and ...