Poetry Forum

https://soundcloud.com/rc-james-user841120068/notes-from-the-apocalypse-iii

riverrun - I like your take on the tension in that line between subjective and objective portrayal - good to remember - Thanks - RC

TLF - Thanks for the suggestions - I like "stormed." I hadn't thought of this as a song but, am learning that many pieces, some with alterations, can be put to song . Thanks again - RC

Int'resting lack of response

Int'resting

She stormed my dream windows, amped up my pulse, her sauciness offset by shy eyelid flutter. Slow river-flow in her voice, not a hallucination, she held breathless answers to street ruckus in her hush. She walked with wispy nonchalance, snuck quick looks over walls not as barriers, but vantages to a...

Antcliff - Not sure where the descriptions of light and movement were heading - but it all made sense knowing it was a hospital room - RC

Not - well done - the inversion of the visitor - biker - and the victim is striking - RC

https://soundcloud.com/rc-james-user841120068/jack-a-diamonds-is-a-hard-card-ta-play Saturday nite the gamblers say you could hear the guitar a mile away, no lie. Men who picked 250 pounds of cotton everyday picked up the cards dealt them in a ramshackle house down a dirt road with Texas winter comi...

jj and Not - Thank you both for the suggestions - working on a revision - RC

jj - If a non-English speaker heared this read aloud they might have a very different idea of what the subject or mood of it is, because the sounds the tones and the combined metric and rhythmic devices really are almost playful, at the least sonically pleasing. Enjoyed it very much - RC

Somewhere there is a simple life by Anna Akhmatova Somewhere there is a simple life and a world, Transparent, warm and joyful. . . There at evening a neighbor talks with a girl Across the fence, and only the bees can hear This most tender murmuring of all. But we live ceremoniously and with difficul...

We memorized poems to pass them on, past the strident winds out of the Kremlin. When I walk the avenue lined with our history, I trust you to guard the ashes I can't claim. My friends now in corners unknown, memories enfold us in the raw weather of our release. Dank cells offer only blank prospects...

There were many many Latinos in the war - the men of color included them along with
African-Americans and Native Americans. RC

(Vietnamese Hmong speak a tonal language; their music imitates speech) In these blue-green mountains ancient harmonies abide; the bright lilting trill of a flute reveals the owner's name; the song grace-glides in thought. The ratcheting screech of the Taho a small green bird, announces dawn. A wate...

When whirling pirouettes of loving, lovely gypsy girls fill these chasms, jagged as they are with tangled whispers I remember from your nectar moistened lips, not any god named can declare such sovereignty. When fellowship flows over, above the confidence of kings, careless with heart-gone words, an...

Not a wasted word throughout - love that image of butterfly as schoolgirl - well done - RC

Sorry jj - I had added a kicker on the end and forgot to paste it in - 12 more years - the ultimate nightmare - RC

You're right - no argument from me. The only purpose in wriiting it, is, really, to show anybody who follows him what a splattered crumb he is, but they would never read it. There's some satisfaction in finishing the project, but there are so many different projects that would satisfy more. "Pr...

I had another go at it - incorporating more of the crowd in call and response sections. Probably OTT but it started out there. - RC

Not - lotsa good points - but after the initial surge one gets wrapped up in revulsion and loses interest in trying to improve on perfect idiocy - you run out of jokes and energy trying to unravel yourself from the dread. What is partly so off-putting is that his criminal behavior is becoming normal...

Thanks to both of you - I'll work on it for that Trump word salad effect - RC

What a crowd! What a crowd! - I can see it, you can see it but the fake news back there will say it's just a handful, Tremendous lies –they’re all liars – Believe me – MSM, CNN, UN..umm...N, FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS! The HUGEST! This is a record crowd! I can't even see the Uhh, wha...

An exercise in phonics and a stolen dialect: https://soundcloud.com/rc-james-user841120068/z0001186 Jhonny Flaymz wuz tha mos’ baddass rocah in da sevun sounze districk dountoun dadda. Cum bak to da flatt wun nycht hardon mynd trubbled extreeme ubout Jadah Queen, hiz wunce apon uh mattress 2 tymer c...

David and TLF - Thanks for the suggestions from both of you - I purposely omitted
details as to the identity and situation of the woman, allowing the reader to fill those in.
I got rid of the 3rd stanza and changed logic wrenching to logic defying. Probably more to come as I refine the piece - RC