Poetry Forum

Hello, Namyh.

Another bouncy toe tapper.

Why have you finished with a five line stanza instead of a four?

If distance was an emotion then the universe would be universal and you would always be there. Sorry, JJ, I don't get it. The second line. Isn't the universe already universal? The last line. A person or thing is already always there in your mind's eye. In this regard no distance can separate you fr...

I like lighthouses full stop so this poem was always going to get a thumbs up from me. For someone just starting out this is an excellent poem. It reads easily from line to line which in itself can be tricky and there are some good lines that provoke thought from the reader. I'm still not sure I qui...

Yes, as stated, it is flat, as flat as a wet hair do. My first line here tells you it's flat. My second line shows you. In the right context the second line is more emotional as it cunjures up an image. Yes, showing is more powerful than telling. But then again it all depends on what you like to rea...

Hello, Namyh. I enjoyed reading this. Seems to me to be a harmless motivational poem. It had the rhythm of a jingle. I was reminded of Rex Harrison singing (kind of) in My Fair Lady as I read from line to line. I particularly liked the line 'and no wind to make a flag of words unfurl'. Nice. You had...

Hi Boat, Who says that i'm trying to convey emotion in this poem? Sometimes you feel numb/ emotionless, at least i conveyed that. Your comments about the details of whatever smell there was are confusing, or do you work for the council? Or were you there at the back of the funeral i went to?? Criti...

I found this poem really enjoyable and I found the ending so amusing.

Don't drop those 'ooo's', luv 'em.

Hello one and all. I'm not sure what to make of this poem. I don't feel a trace of emotion in it anywhere and for a death and a funeral I'd expect some. I'm not sure what the smell is people are getting a flavour of from the front pew? The body would be tended by the morticians and embalmed before g...

Hello, Tony. An easy enjoyable read for me. Lovely feel to the poem. I had no problem with 'to seek once more that salty taste' having read what went before. I suppose it depends on how one's thoughts are running. Nice poem that with a little tinkering here and there (as mentioned in previous commen...

Hello, Tristan. Like this one. I don't think you need at least the last three lines of the first stanza. I've gotten the idea by now that you are talking about the marks you have made on your screen without you descibing how they all look to me. Doesn't advance the poem in my opinion. The ending. I ...

Then I think a thumbs up to you too, David, for understanding this one where I was lost.

Seems obvious now.

Hello, JJ. Certainly is my thing. Was out for a walk last week and stumbled upon a pathway of brambles and blackberries. I picked as we walked and the Mrs ate as she pushed the pram. I was reminded of Peter Rabbit as I read it. Shame you couldn't have fitted him in there somewhere. Love the theme an...

Like a mushroom farm,
just keep piling on the shit.
Sit and watch 'em bloom.

You might be right there, Bodkin, if so I might have to revise some of my thoughts.

We'll find out soon hopefully.

Lovely, moving account of a widow grieving. As usual some very nice lines and phrasing. I'm going to offer this one up for poem of the month (nominate features). You work hard and take advice. I hope you get the other nominations necessary to get your due. I echo these sentiments. I found this a tr...

Hello, Tristan.

I'd have to agree with Luce on all her comments.

Like the birds you've skimmed the surface, unlike your birds the poem has not, for me, taken flight.

Regards.

Pat.

P.S. I'm not trying to sound harsh but rather succinct.

I'd like to nominate Trobbo's poem, Questions for the Dead, for a place in posterity, wink.

Heart warming and heart felt.


viewtopic.php?f=20&t=22116

Regards.

Pat.

Hello, Trobbo. I think most points have been covered already. Lovely, moving account of a widow grieving. As usual some very nice lines and phrasing. I'm going to offer this one up for poem of the month (nominate features). You work hard and take advice. I hope you get the other nominations necessar...

Standing picking his nose, Elbow veins looked perturbed, The dust hermit looking at a Hieronymus Bosh painting, His face, his body, Looked like he had been eating from a Dentist-spittoon. Harnessed in a primitive jock strap He studied the painting, the Freudian symbolism, Writing it down. Hello, MO...

Hello, Halfwrittenpoem. I'm not sure if this is a poem or a speech? The first six lines I don't get. The rest seems to be a rant about how unfair the world is for women at the hands of men. Not that original. Your closing question doesn't make sense to me. Usually the bigger, stronger sex dominates,...

I'm gonna have to start remembering to read the title then link it to the poem in future...It sometimes is useful for understanding the poem. I get it now. I take back my 'huh?'. I wonder how many readers would get the poem's meaning without the help that the title brings (I'm referring to any poem ...

Huh?

The Nest – Revision II The ducklings waited silently for her behind the cypress tree. as she looked around carefully for falcons lurking in the trees. She tended to them night and day by shielding them from belting rain and snakes who saw her young as prey. by May she'd weakened from the strain. One...

Hello all. I've been on holiday so just catching up here and there. Firstly I'm a 'newbie' and so have first hand experience of being 'new', wink. On a personal level I like the idea of having Beginners and Experienced forums. Someone stated above the reasons for the divide and I think they are good...

Hello, Cyd.

Nice poem, easy to read.

Not sure about the trees close to the surface of the sea though. Wood perhaps but not trees as I'm envisioning it.

Regards.

Pat.