Poetry Forum

I think Russell and Whitehead spent 400 pages proving that one plus one is two.

Ah, then I think Morpheus's next poem should be a long one explaining that very thing!

Hi John, I'm glad something I said was useful. The revision is stronger. I like the following language: "In the day’s vast / wash of minutes and hours" ... so I wonder whether you could use it, in some way, somewhere else? Ah, now I understand the stone. I was caught up in a different tale...

There's always silly people about, Morpheus. If they had thought, even for five seconds, then it might've dawned on them that the angle of the poem is seen through a male narrator who is comparing the competition between male engineers and male poets for the hand of a lady. The poem is not saying th...

I'm not too sure, Kris. Back then, I remember making a wav file and then sending it either to you or Nicola who then added it to some kind of ipod player that used to be in the first comment of this page: https://proleartthreat.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=2348 I think some poets used soundc...

Hi Morpheus, I like the revision. I see you've removed the female/male from the poem. I wasn't keen on S2 with the two 'forms'. I think your revision is better in some ways, but compared to the other stanzas it now lacks specifics. "No twosome couples up to rhyming couplets or serenades their l...

I'm glad you chose this one, Kris. The playful tone works well on and off the page. I've always enjoyed your audios - it's that accent of yours! Actually, I miss the old audios that used to be on the forum. The ones that everyone made long ago. I guess they were lost during the move? Very much enjoy...

Hi John, Before coming to your epic, I just wanted to say that I straight away read Ray's comment as a joke, but I see why you took it differently if you took the comments about the forum changes personally. It seems that the conversation about Beginners has been going on for a long time, and long b...

Hi Ray, Sorry I couldn't get here sooner to comment, but I have read your poem several times. A poem like this needs a bit of time, I think. It's hard hitting - all the way through. The first two stanzas are tighter than the last. I hardly want to touch the poem but there's two small things to menti...

Thank you, T. It's nice to have another vote for the crumbling visuals. I've been thinking about this and might try something where the poem starts off with neat and tidy five-line stanzas and then falls apart. At the moment, it's a bit crumbly right from the beginning. There's work to do on it, but...

Look what happens when I go off to work just for one day - the thread becomes a strange land where cake is now cod and there's a sudden difficulty in locating the English Channel. I blame the French. Are we talking fish cakes? At the risk of annoying some (or everyone), there was a useful study this...

Hi Morpheus, I understand, and I also see why Beginners was chosen - it's not used as often as the main forum. If you navigate by latest content then I suppose it already feels like one forum to you. I tend to start on the main board and work out from there unless I'm coming directly from a notifica...

Hello David, "Go on. Leave them with their end uncertain (but almost certain)." haha well, I suppose I could. But is it dark enough? Mind you, I think things are going to change a little bit because of something Morpheus just said. I need to make it feel more like the N is relaying the sto...

I'm also jealous that you got a Caleb award. I've toiled for many moths on here with little prospect of a plaque in Caleb Corner. To quote Cope, I have "no hope, even, of a modest bust." in Murdock Abbey. It's nice to see you get some recognition. haha! It didn't come easy, Morpheus. I ha...

Ah I don't know him very well, though I'm sure I should. I'll think about what you've said.

Actually, what I might do is freshen up the language around that area to see if I can improve it.

Lia

I can relate to the destructive constructive when I look in the mirror and see behind the retina of each opposing eye :lol: That's a bit of poetry in itself, Phil. And I can't help agreeing. There's something quite interesting when the two meet. Thank you very much for your comments. They want to e...

"I mean the moon and stars are redundant in terms of navigation."

Ah, sorry Ray. Yes of course.

Lia

Oh no. It didn't irritate me. It made me laugh, Caleb. Thank you for your thoughts on spacing. I think I'll have to be quite selective in where I send the poem. There are a few mags interested in visual poems... more so in the US than here, maybe. I agree with you about not making the poem look too ...

Hi Caleb, So "four years over date" isn't clear enough? You want the words "beyond the expiry" in there? And you want that too, Lia? Well, you could say 'four years past its date' which would give a similar ominous 'death' tone as expiry. I didn't know that about tartar/tartare. ...

Thank you for the link, John. I know a few of Baudelaire's poems, but not very many and not this one. I like the comparison - the eternal battle between the two and the idea of the sea as an infinite unfolding blade. Some great language from Baudelaire! Thank you.

Lia

I like the poem very much but I can't be doing with all the white space. Caleb thinks he sees a pattern in it but it looks pretty arbitrary to me - and irritating. Ah. That's frustrating, Ray. Maybe I could make it better by breaking the last line. Something like; and clatter ... sighing .... as it...

I'm glad you like it, John. And that brittle hip line. It is a bit like the lemming idea, isn't it? A strange and curious thing... a dark romance, perhaps, and I think that's what the sea might be for some of us.

Many thanks,

Lia

This is a day to be remembered -- you've finally posted a poem that I understood on first reading! I want to send you a metal or award or something like that. Well, I must say that I'm pleased as punch to receive a Caleb Award! I doubt I'll win another one very soon so I will certainly treasure thi...

That made me smile, Caleb. I've done this before with horseradish. I very much like the last line of 'time/die' in the first version - 'and waiting to die' has just the right amount of dark humour. I will say though, that I prefer the line-breaks of the revision. I like Ray's suggestion of 'expiry d...

https://i.imgur.com/Q54FJF6.png Moving House I met them in a busy corner of the high street, buying suitcases. They were going coastal, they said, as though it were an ocean place in the mind scattered with seabirds, waves a thundering madness behind each retina. They were going, and they weren't c...

Ah yes, now you have two!

"I've been writing this poem for years, trying to make sense of it."

Some get me like that, too. Yours was well worth the perseverance.

Lia