Poetry Forum

Morpheus wrote: ↑

Tue Sep 12, 2023 5:45 pm

these AI template poems remotely readable. It's not really been worth it so far and then there's ethical questions to contend with on completion.

Something you might have mentioned upfront. I'd not have bothered had I known.

Hi Morph. Don't think this one's working. The meter's ... irregular, and it seems to end at line four (anybody who knows the play won't find much of interest in the rest, those that don't know the play won't, I don't think, be better informed. Also, not seeing Bottom as a pantomime dame.) I return y...

Our house is basically set up like a Victorian panopticon with the lidless eye of Santa in the centre. It's a common trope to keep the children under control. Sure, and if you were writing about you this would be relevant, but the piece is presented as written by Snow Drop (who could just as easily...

Hi morph. L3-4 (S1) seem unnecessarily creepy (and, in case you're wondering it's the 'I've watched' that does it. Far too avaricious.) L2 (S2) is very weak, and clearly just there for the rhyme. What does 'give it a whirl' mean in this context? And why would Lucy have this expectation anyway? Hi Lu...

Hi Morph, I'm with ray on the sugar content. Far too high. You could cut either S2 or S1 (having all three verses really doesn't work that well.) What is 'birchwood tree' supposed to mean? There are birch woods and birch trees, but birchwood trees? Shouldn't the title be A Poem for Lucy's Tooth ? De...

Hi Lia. Still not keen on the capitals. Not least because the cause me to read Brown (L12) as a noun rather than a verb (unhelpful when you have brown as an adjective earlier (L4.)) An apple with a white worm when, behind it A brown tunnel burrows back to the pip? Surely 'where' can replace the clun...

Hi David,
just a couple of comma suggestions:
one after 'Norfolk' (I like the idea that N has resolved more than once.)
and the other after 'Walsingham'.
Like Lia's idea about moving 'flat' to L3.
(Thanks for the Henry VIII explanation, that was puzzling me.)

Regards, Not

.

Hi Lia. I'm relying on line-breaks for the punctuation Not exclusively, and so not consistently. 'collapsing' I'm going to try 'unpicking'. One thought How the tree ravels with it into a knot Untangling self from sky, back to the pip I'm in two minds. If an 'and' can be got rid of then it's useful t...

Hi Lia. Not keen on the title, or that every line begins with a capital (it made it harder to follow that it needed to be, for me.) And the lack of punctuation didn't help. S1 - are you missing a comma after 'behind it' (it takes a while to figure out the 'it' of 'behind it' refers to the worm not t...

Hi ray, thanks for the explanation(s). too obvious. I thought about chime, but that doesn't really work. Maybe just 'sit or stand with the choir'? it just means the memory has stayed alive. Wouldn't that be smouldering , then? it's not deliberate. Now you tell me. there for the rhythm, really. Proba...

Hi ray, starts with the title and keeps going. Good stuff. The slow reveal is nicely paced and did make me stop (as it should.) Minor niggles only. This stuff is too dark by half, they remark ... they bow en route to the rostrum to recite - 'side on the choir's / behalf' seemed a bit torturous, to m...

Hi John. I just happen to believe you are thoroughly wrong. Wouldn't be the first time. I mentioned playing with my neighbour, earlier. We continued to play for another year or two after that first victory of mine and she never won a game. On reflection it might have been better to have stopped play...

Hi John It’s really about being competitive. I understood that, I just don't see that that is explored here. Take the opening couplet (which I really like) The day my father beat my grandfather at chess was the last time they played the game. At no point do we discover who decided that this was the ...

Hi Kris, enjoyed, but then, given the word, who wouldn't? I hadn't heard of it before, so thanks for the introduction, but its similarity to petrichor (and vellum) suggested something along bookish lines. I wasn't entirely sold on the opening line, felt a little flat/lacking in romance, for me. I al...

Hi John. perhaps to your satisfaction? Gotta admire an optimist :) Absolute Defeat ....... Not keen on the title (don't think I understand it) as the subject seems to be losing gracefully (or possibly learning to.) The day my father beat my grandfather ............ great opening (but 'father' become...

Hi John, just to follow on from Morph and the punctuation he picked out. I agree, this reads as if it is your grandpa (as opposed to your grandfather) who is wearing your tiger pyjamas (which, I suspect, wasn't the case.) at chess was the last time they played. It is Baffled by this. The line ends a...

Hi John, I'm rather in the 'dead haddock' camp on this one, possibly, as with mac, not being religious. There's something almost glib about the piece (not necessarily a problem, but, for me at least, a puzzle.) And the new title doesn't improve on the old (which wasn't that great, to be fair :) ) Is...

Hi Kris,
just to say thank you (for all your thankless work.)

I'd certainly be happy to donate towards the hosting.

Regards, Not

jisbell00 wrote: ↑

Sat Aug 05, 2023 4:46 pm

put them elsewhere.

That would get my vote.
Now all you have to do is find the tale to which they are (so clearly!) the preamble.

Regards, Not

.

Hi John. Yeah, I like your word appear as well. They are an apparition. Is there a comma missing after it? Appear, like Zeus or Aphrodite, make ... I’ve put these quatrains at iii, midway and before they. They're not working for me (in this piece) they don't feel part of the whole, somehow. I liked ...

Hi John. There’s also nexus, but I don’t have another word for exchange. Exchange works. Others will have to bend around it. You make a point about shanties. I like your alternative, which evokes the Greeks who marched with Xenophon – Thalassa, Thalassa! Still, shanties drew you in and I think or at...

Hi John, I like the additions to i (see, so much easier to reference!) - not sure that 'people come and go' is that interesting, but the 'but trade is eternal' is very nice. The faces may change, but trade is eternal ... / The currencies change, but trade is eternal ... ? I’ve seemed to turn down so...

Hi John, seems almost there, to me. I like the new ordering (that is what I was suggesting) and the shorter S5-6. Would you consider numbering the sections (just to avoid any future confusion?) Regarding the fisherman/men. You say 'he seemed' but the verse begins 'we' - if it were They cast their ne...

Hi John, Given your last line, I still think that starting at s2 makes more sense (beginning and ending with 'make me') And having iii and iv so close together makes it hard to separate them (still.) i. Make me an offer and we will do business, here beneath heaven in the sight of the gods. Taste, co...

Hi John. I know what you mean about sea shanties, but I think the title encourages folks to look for rhythm in my pieces, which I welcome. I still think it sets up an expectation that isn't met. Ultimately they're just not very (work-) song-like. I see why you might like to switch S1 and S2, but I l...