Poetry Forum

Thanks guys. quick re-write My eyes molten lead My heart shackled in chains of tears Passing days,the only key to free me My protector, my listener Why so sudden? Ripped away from me You crash into heaven leaving me chained Glass shards of feeling on the floor Stepped on and crushed How dare they?! ...

Hello there. Can i have my PM's enabled please? I have recived a POM and would like to reply but they have not been enabled yet.

Many thanks

Eyes like molten lead
My heart a sinking vessel
on the ocean of tears
My protector, my listener
Why so sudden?

Ripped away from me
Wind carries your scent to heaven
Glass shards of feeling on the floor
Stepped on and crushed
How dare they?!



Just a few words chucked together at the moment

Craig I think if you're going to go to the trouble of making a love poem that rhymes, you might as well go the whole hog and make it a sonnet. It only needs two lines trimming. Go on - you know it makes sense :) . Take no notice of me - I'm just a sonnet freak. If you have a look at some of the tip...

Spencer. It felt like i was walking along southsea beach on a summers day listening to the sounds and watching people. I also like the rythmic respirations line..because it set quite a specific image for me.

Hi Vesuvius. Now i am not in any way qualified to offer in depth crit but what i will say is i enjoyed your poem. A tale of a journey that took us round europe. Nice. What i will say is can you use metaphors or similies to make the trip come 'alive' more. We want to taste the cooking, walk the cobbl...

Hi Jester. I loved it! I really liked the impact like two cannon balles imagery. Smash! I really liked the poem. Do you alwasy write in rhyme or do you ever write without it?

C

Nice use of words. being ineperienced i wonder if its simply because of that fact that i am not really getting much from this poem. I'm not even sure i get the meaning of the whole thing and what it is trying to depict

Sorry

Names Craig and ive only just started writing poetry. Am 33 yrs old and from the UK.

Very ineperienced so looking to improve.

Thanks for this spencer. I'm going to post the rhyming version anyway to see what people think.. here it is -------------------------------------- Every morning when I awake I see your eyes and my heart you take The light of day unveils your face Our gaze locked togeather in a warm embrace Your skin...

Morning love song For my wife Early sun opens my eyes Dawns torch shines on your beauty Your eyes envelope my pounding heart as it Dances to the beat of our love Flowers burst into bloom around me Your skin is silk upon my fingertips Your smile the lantern within me, Giving meaning to the days puzzl...

I really liked it! I was left wanting more as such though. its as if it was missing something at the end.

Robert hae you written this on the back of a recent trip to the restaurant with someone?

Short and to the point!