Poetry Forum

Sometimes writing a poem on a whim or in three minutes is a good thing. This does not need extensive analysis..it's short and has solid verse. Good job, Ryder.

heidi

Hey Ben..

I really liked it. Paring poetry down can create artful prose. your consciousness runs inward and you focus on your worries. I especially liked these verses. Very true.

good job.

heidi

Thanks Ben... I do like it without the first line. Sometimes you just need to see it! I agree that the opening line is somewhat superfulous. I would not change the line,"turns to the night". It is the day transforming from day to night...not a reference to a person. Kind of setting a mood....

hi dave... I appreciate your constructive criticism and comments. In answer to your questions....the "oddly placed commas" are intended for pauses and to separate a descriptive series. I am quite loose with my punctuation but cannot totally disregard it. As far as the introduction. It real...

cheshire cat smiling
no worry in this glass world
time does not exist

Hi Og... I liked your sense of rhyme, it worked. Rhyme for rhyme's sake does not work and you did not employ that at all. The use of repeating words/sentence was successful also. Repetition can be a useful tool for a writer. The poem was literal, and a narrative. Each stanza painting word pictures a...

Hi Brendan, A lengthy poem that indeed held my attention as well. Very good perspective on the youth, diillusionment and anger of war. For me, I think of the present disastrous war in Iraq. Democracy is a tough job. Spreading freedom is not that easy. This is very true. George W, "my president&...

Dedalus, No, I mean Kafka. However, I do stand to be corrected as Kafka was from Prague. He was fluent in Czech, but considered German to be his first language. All of his published works were written in German. Though, he did write letters in Czech. He also studied the French language. Going back a...

I disagree with you Thoke. Poetry can be vague, and abstract. Maybe I don't want to know it's about rock climbing. I'm glad that inspired Jimi to write it...but I don't necessarily need to know what it's literally about, in order to appreciate the words. Stripped down and simple are good, I stand by...

Also, what about writers who do not write in their native language? A prime example would be Kafka, who is Polish, but did not write in that language.

More to think about...

I agree that some of the culture and ethnicity can be lost in translation. However, a good translator will take this into consideration. If trained and schooled in languages you also learn and study other cultures. Many of the best translators study year upon year and are very skilled at what they d...

Hear it, the music
Beer, wine or whiskey in here
All beauty,no fear

The mystery of it all In the heat of one long August call of a sultry day turns to the night candle light leads to the dance floor of heat, sweat, and much more sweet strong shadows life is not so large as those breathless tears full, almost a drop like the circling beads on the bottle that is half-...

Hi Boxpoet... I appreciate your sense of rhyme. Rhyme for rhyme's sake...I get it. However, I agree with Dave that this does not always work. "Art for art's sake " is one thing, but rhyming just to rhyme can be almost ridiclous. Your poem brought images of several American horror films to ...

Hey Jimi..

As always, I stand by simple, short poetry. This is abstract, has subtle rhyme, and short. I appreciate short, simple and concise. "distills the essence of scents and ascents" is a perfect example of subtle rhyme. This is stripped down and I like it. good job.

heidi

What fun...wild boy, you are, no?

Hey Geoff...

At the risk of using the word, "cute" it was!! I had the same initial reaction of Julia...thought you did a little time in the "big house". Very clever.

heidi

I'm going to agree with Dave. Definitely appreciate trite little "diddies". The idea is there and sometimes that is all that you need.

heidi

Hi Dedalus.... I do not know the poetry of the far east very well. This is absolutely fascinating though...I agree. I will tell you that i have studied Latin American and Spanish poetry however. And, translation is everything!! It is so very important. Your version is truly beautiful, especially in ...

Hi Kidult... Appreciate such a personal statement. The poem itself has some good verse. For example, " The skies have dissolved along with these dreams, The birds have all gone insane." Birds a s a symbol never wears itself out. Pablo Neruda would watch birds for hours on the beach. Not to...

Hi Dag... Good job with the rhymes. I enjoyed the central theme...since I,myself am sort of a "Peter Pan". Using a literary/fairy tale character was symbolic and can imply a variety of things, metaphorically speaking. Each stanza was short and concise...good organized poem. Nice work. heidi

HI Bobby,

I appreciate the modern rap quality that you give. Definitely agree with the others that it should be accompanied with some sort of beatbox behind it. I also like the politcal comment/comparison on communism to capitalism. Thanks...good effort here and nice rhythm.

heidi