Poetry Forum

Hi All - Thanks again for the input. Madawc - No need to apologize, thus the reason I have chosen to post here. Sincere observations are of more interest to me as I try to polish my prose and each individual observation has it's merit. Kerri - Thank you for our observation, I had considered restruct...

Tis foggy morn deemed so forlorn, From distance sounds an augur horn Upon the water gray and green Sit tattered vessels o’ myth n’ dream Aqua chariots of blue and white Sway to and fro in dimming light Haggard be, not one shown bright Seek caring reprieve from this their plight Here La Boehme sings ...

Yes, clearly it has some wordy moments since I was really experimenting with painting the dream I had with more picturesque sentences. The idea was about the seething anger and violence that existed in my early life and how it adversely affected my first marriage. As a result I am estranged from my ...

Since I am a celestial enthusiast this poem gives me pause to reminisce of my own adventurs in stargazing. I gather the reference to the Big Top means that you find entertainment in your nighttime observations rather than seeing it as a confusing mass of events, peppered by moments of startling feat...

I see that you are passionate about your beliefs and believe that you are passionate about your poem, however I would answer your stipulation about puncuation with this simple thought. Even the most profound of spiritual writings are puncuated, thus giving the devotee the basis for their expression ...

Wel Done Rome - It takes me back to those treasured moments of my own, where I would lay awake observing the other. It brings to mine a piece I wrote 30 years ago that dwelled on the intense thoughts that raced through my mind during that interlude. Moments like that get lost in the day to day senso...

Pain without affliction? Horror without monsters? Awake to the night terror of lost love and kin Hell comes in sporadic bursts of insanity Pain in the eyes of children I cast upon Who wonder why love has gone from the arms and eyes of daddy Striking at the nearest heart Tender moments lost in rage C...

I like the quickness of the rhyme, no slurring about.It's a moment, caught when one steps to the porch on a summer night and sees the moths scurring bout the candles meant to ward off the mosquitos.

Very well played and lyrical. Might come up with a tune for this one

Well done

Dag

I like those flavors, makes me look forward to winter where I am at, only I have a cast-iron stove to chase the chill. I play at observor alot so the reflections caste by your words play well in my head. I can almost picture the moment in it's purest, but defined by my own experiences it gives a fee...

Kris - work on the tense, hard as it may be, it does give the flow to the piece.

I would also ask that you critique this yourself, if at all possible, so that you can see it outside of the moment when you wrote it.

Dag

Keith - From an emotional perspective, if you are going to be raw and gritty, then lay the whole thing out as raw and gritty. Don't try to smear the rough edges down, "keep it real", if that term applies in this circumstance. I have vision of desert country road rendevous and dust covered ...

Babbit - I did enjoy the cryptic aspect of fractured moments drawn in what seemed to be a mind atempting to remember a drunken moment or one that was recovering from one. But then after the second reading I recognized a person attempting to reconcile love lost and admiration grown stale. I enjoyed t...

Having given up on writing so many years ago and finally renewing my passion for it, you observations and critiques has brought to me the affirmation that I indeed enjoy this method of expression and will contnue to endeavor to bring such thoughts to others of like mind. I spent some time rearrangin...

Tis foggy morn deemed so forlorn, From distance sounds a augur horn Upon the water gray and green Sit tattered vessels o’ myth n’ dream Aqua chariots of blue and white Sway to and fro in dimming light Haggard be, not one shown bright Seek caring reprieve from this their plight Here La Boehme sings p...

Peter Pan Died Last Night Whimsical creatures of flickering light Came streaming through my window last night Looking for a boy of cheerful delight Found only man of distressing spite Peter Pan died last night In screaming anguish in his bed he lay Unable to remember what it was like to play His onc...