Poetry Forum

I liked this, but it did take me a couple of reads to suss it out. I love the original use of language, and the use of the rather archaic "Bereft" , "elysian" and "is with grasses worn out" (instead of "with worn-out grass", eg). My only criticism (and it's mo...

Hi Dave Thanks for your comments. I don't want to stop your raving, I like the paradox idea! I see what you are saying about the last stanza - yes, I suppose it does read like that. But in this particular relationship, I was the actually the physically stronger one, and therefore felt protective. Th...

Hi Thanks for taking the time to critique this poem, I really appreciate it. Dave - It's welcome back, but as I only joined in November, I haven't been gone for long - I had a family bereavement, hence the lack of posts. Anyway, my poem. No need to feel cheated re: "First, I throw you to the fl...

Thanks, Minstrel - I really appreciate the encouragement!
Lu

Should you come to me In the shadows of the night, With the wind still restless in your hair, And the moons' soft silver light Shaking each intention free From logic, reason and care, Then come to me - Before the stars lose their bearing In the dark dome above, Before the ocean stops turning from ti...

I long to feel you lying here beside me, Yet just to sleep, no other aim in sight; I only wish to watch you while you're sleeping, My patient soul a silent vigil keeping Against the nameless shadows of the night. I yearn to touch your hair without your knowing, To lift a wayward strand from off your...

I wrote this poem when I was a victim of domestic violence - I am no longer in this situation. You, the lion hot with rage and fierce pursuit - proud, determined, strong. I, the prey with no means to my exit see you, hide, 'till you are gone. Because I'm hidden deep, you cannot find me. So I, the ti...

First, I throw you to the floor where you crouch, a hazard to my morning liberty. Then, lengthy preparations complete, I commence to debilitate, toss you into the gaping orfice, watch you writhe and wrestle within the mechanical clutches of your captor. I relax, happy in the knowledge that you will ...

More of the same from me really - I love the intimacy of this poem, I can almost feel the heat from the bodies, so much heat that it scares, yet pulls you further in and you are powerless to resist. You capture the feeling of watching a lover sleep, which almost borders on voyeurism (we've all done ...

Took me a couple of reads, but I think I get it now (please forgive me, my astronomical knowledge is severely lacking!). I like "made no commotion; simply edged away" - it portrays Scorpios restrained disdain at Dianas' inept and clumsy movements. "The animals were better" comple...

Oops, sorry Geoff - I didn't realise we had to do the crits before we could post, I just read it as we were required to do two for every one poem we posted (which I fully intend to do, asap!). Barrie & Ryder - yes, it is about arthritis, which I first got when I was 28, and this was written afte...

Gatecrasher I never invited you in. Yet you came, biological bindweed sucking at the sap of my mobility. A seeping fungus, you invade each crevice, gnawing, ever-hungry. (Before I could even spell your name - when you were still synonymous with old age, damp houses – I could run barefoot across a p...

Hello! I was very impressed with this forum, and spent ages surfing all the categories, before I thought, "Why don't I just join?" - so here I am! I have been writing poetry since I was 12, avidly (and with the usual angst!) as a teen, then with a few lapses when my children were young/my ...