Poetry Forum

Fortytwo, thank you for your very helpful feedback! I would like to keep the water visual but I agree with a lot of your other suggestions and I have tried to implement them or use them to make a similar change. I feel like I'm learning so much already and it is a lot fun thank you! Luce, thank you ...

Thank you David for your feedback! I've changed the syntax to reaffirm that it is the water filling their mouth, not the breath, changed out the word gushing and removed one of the repeats so it doesn't get too tiring. Thank you Tristan! I have fixed that up, thanks for letting me know. I wanted to ...

Thank you very much Tristan! I'm really glad you like it. I love to use repetition a lot to help drive a narrative so i'm glad it works well. I've applied your feedback and i like it a lot more than before. Sometimes i add to many pronouns or conjunctions so its been hard to cut it all out for poetr...

Hello, New here! I'm new to poetry writing, so i'm hoping i can learn a thing or two from this really inspiring community. I write a lot but more in a way to spit out my thoughts. Maybe i can find a more creative way of doing it to share with others. Thick Water Ver03 My mouth is filled with water, ...