Poetry Forum

I think it's a poem that congregates all your usual styles: The minutiae of life, the self-pitying, the longing, but with an added urgency, whether that be because of the stricter rhyme scheme, I'm not sure? But for me it's a much more accessible and enjoyable read than your usual poems. Also admir...

Since I'm in a dry period now, and there doesn't seem to be much activity on the board, I thought I would post the final version of this poem in case anyone is interested. I have been working on it all along. It took me a long time to get it all into rhyme. The word "discord" was, at one t...

I asked about John only because yours was the first thread I was posting in after a break.

Given that you are a writer, I think that you should know that you misused "infer". You meant "imply". I'm guessing you know that but momentarily got them confused.

Thank you for your thoughts, Ray. To the extent that young people commit suicide more often than older people (which I think is true), I think it's fair to say that younger people "grieve hard". The comment about "fungible parts" is meant humorously (using an economic term in a p...

Is this meant to be a poem, Travis? If so, I think it's a little too cute.

Equal Measures (two versions) Grabbing life means different things to the young and old; as a youth it meant playing hard, studying hard, grieving hard, and working hard to advance the quality of my life. Today it means shuffling about my yard with a plastic grabber in my hand to retrieve my fungib...

There is always a raw quality to your poetry, which I admire. You manage to do that while remaining at least lyrical. (I've been using the word "lyrical" to mean basically "light and pretty". Is that right? The poem is concise in places, while in others it sounds a little awkward...

To me, this poem sounds extraordinarily prosaic. I know that I write prosaic poetry myself, but I try to put at least a little lyricism in my poems, and I'm just not seeing any lyricism in this poem.

Thank you, Ray. I understand the poem better now. At first blush, it seemed to me that you were making a point about the greater latitude that men have to play the characters they want to play, but that message is muddied when you say you have seen a girl play Hamlet. (Seriously?) So now I'm thinkin...

Who is Amy?

Thank you, all!

Congratulations, Phil. It's not a bad poem. I understand it!

Just thought I'd let you know:

https://mobiusmagazine.com/archives/35.2.html

When I asked about the point of grammar, I was not offering a criticism of the poem. I was generally curious about the grammatical point that line raised. Now that I understand the poem a bit better, I definitely like it. I do want to say, though, that the intensely personal poems often make good ca...

Yes, congratulations to John. Very interesting poem! A dose of reality certainly. I like the point that you make at the end, that nature overtakes everything after man's periodic orgasmic destructive conflicts. Nature never stops.

If David and Fliss ever return here, congratulations to you too.

Thank you, John! And thank you again for looking at this!

Now that I know who Penguin is, I hope you'll include that explanation as a footnote when you submit the poem for publication. I'm looking at the poem again. "Every day there’s birthday candles for someone I’ll never know" Just a question of grammar: Shouldn't that read ... Every day there...

So "nostos" means "homecoming" in Greek? I know that some of the books of the Bible are written in Greek, but using a Greek word seems odd. However, naming the poem "Nostos" will certainly make me look more erudite than I am. Google Translate isn't giving me "homec...

Congratulations, Phil.

Thanks for looking in, John. I thought this poem would be up your alley since God is in it. "You've got 'about' becoming 'of' in your clauses, you might want to stick to one preposition." Originally I had this: bleating about splendid lands, about better meals to be had, ... but then I rem...

No need to look at Homecoming if you don't want to.

I think you should participate freely here, though keep your new-poem posts to a level where the few members who are participating can keep up. If you are not feeling wanted here any more, that's not coming from me.

I like the poem, John. I think is works very well. One thing, though. It says that the baby is playing peak-a-boo, but isn't it the mother who is playing peak-a-boo? Isn't it the mother's hands that are opening and closing? ========== Sorry to bring up one of my own poems, but I thought you might li...

Maybe this is just my usual denseness, but I'm not grasping the poem -- though I do like the language.

Who is the Penguin?

Thank you, guys, for voting that I not trash it.

I write so few poems that I really can't afford to trash any poem that I can fix, so I am going to try to fix the poem. Your criticisms are spot on.

I think you made some good observations, Ray. Thank you.

Now that I read it again. I think it should go in the bin.