Poetry Forum

Hi Mac -- Well not so much pre-ordained as now frozen in amber in my memory. Past, tick-tick -- not her memories any longer. On the other hand, she and I strongly disagreed about fate so maybe you are right. Vale of tears -- well I wouldn't have put it that way but as I read it back again it's unden...

on the seventh day of the seventh summer the seventh child sat by the window sill and watched her father waste away he smiled at her and called her slip-along-easy she smiled back her shadowy smile and cried later so overcome at seven at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day he slipped along and die...

Leaf ー Your's and all comments are useful and I welcome them! By the way, I love words like discombobulated. English can twist itself into knots. Being monolingual, I am proud of that, but suspect that it is just a feature of human language.

Peter L

Jules: I remember as a child listening to "jaykayellemmennohpee" as a single funny word. Like "supercalafragilistic". I imagine a conversation between two kids: "jaykayellemmennohpee" said Johnny. "I! jaykayellemmennohpee" said Sally, correcting. "QR, QR&...

Charles -- Some thoughts: 1. I like the point in the original that the narrator is in the world, pressed shirt and smiles, and employed. Achievements made. Leaving the delusions of grandeur from ones condition behind-- The mundane becoming preferable to the "poetic"ー Leaving the bizare, en...

Hi Charles - I am impressed by this piece. 1. I like the allusions a lot. I knew the Allen Ginsberg right away, him being one of my favorites. The Emily Dickenson I didn't know ー shame on me. Sylvia Plath's makes my jaw drop ー I always find her shocking. Lovely that you kept her parenthetical form &...

Hello Leaf -- Welcome to the forum. You have the distinction of being the first person I've said that to, being a newbie myself. This is the first poem I've posted here. :D Thanks for your comments. 1. I have loved the musical and the medical meaning of fugue; oddly related. I had it in mind when wr...

Thanks for your comments Jules -- 1. I am encouraged that you picked up on this all being an internal monologue. I wasn't sure that it came off. I am looking to show the gulf between what a doctor sees and what they say. [By the way, trying to use non-gendered language, and finding it difficult.] 2....

Riverrun - A few thoughts. This piece is very complex to my eye. I’m afraid I haven’t scratched the surface after about 10 readings. I see remarkable language in it — marvelous and unique phrases: “to burn the body mass”,“our almost feats”, “our reverse angels”, “unintentional ocean shores”, and man...

Thank you all for your insightful input. Specifics: NotQuiteSure 1. - I appreciate the issue about repetition. I am working on a version that minimizes this. When reading poetry, and even more so when I listen to it I am drawn in and almost hypnotized by repetition. Allen Ginsberg in "Howl"...

Thank you all for your insightful comments. I’m having a busy week — i’ll post a more complete reply on the weekend.

Peter L

Version 2 fugue i can’t get you out of your fugue state time will not permit please leave a message i know you know what’s wrong with you you can leave the details on my confidential line i will do my best to return your call to meet your expectations reasonable or otherwise when i return after the ...

Hello JJ and all -- Maybe I'm way off base, but I read it as being dark and sardonic, not light. I envisioned the narrator as being in the midst of an actual divorce, looking for freedom from a sea of vapid cushions and a life that had become lifeless: I titptoe to the bathroom, eyes squinted, picki...

Hello to all of you - My name is Peter. I'm excited to be here. I've had a look around and find the poetry and criticism a great combination. I am not interested in the "I loved it" kind of sites. I would like to learn to write better and have some notion how my stuff is taken by others. I...