Poetry Forum

At the risk of using the word cute, that is how I would describe this. You must have a secret crush!

Observing the design
of your mind is
like laying in ancient ruins
Foreign and sad
full of history
not completely understood
however, knowing
it is quite easy
to fall to pieces

hi ryder.... I like when art is stripped down. Simplicity can be so pleasing. The first stanza was the stronger of the two due to the fact that hatches, latches, matches, etc all have stronger sound. Phoenetically speaking the "ch" sound vibrates and resonates more. Simple poetry that is w...

hey my fire....

Musical poetry with simple and clever rhythms. Good little diddy.

heidi

Hi Yesterday... I enjoyed the poem. Your writing here is short and compact. I do enjoy short poems as well. An image of the writer producing his words in the first stanza, w/: Words form before expected/And hairs of brightness brush/Thin letters on the page. Introspection is apparent in the beginnin...

Hi Dave...

Thank you for your insight. Hopefully my post to Yesterday answers your question. I'm glad that you liked the poem. As far as my punctuation is concerned I am quite loose with it. However if you have specific suggestions let me know. Thanks for your time and cheers to you!

heidi

disregard this...sorry

Hi Yesterday... I appreciate your critique. In answer to you writing about the "thorn of crown" reference. It was just a reversal or playing with words from the phrase: "crown of thorns". The image of the rosary is a reference to my mother. She is quite the diehard/almost fanatic...

Humorous and playful. I bet you could write great children's stories. The rhythm is great and good description.

Find Peace Sister gone, Brother flown no talk, no listen Last night, I dreamt that you and I were laughing like little children. Sleeping to the bone. Temporary death, circling breath thorn of crown on that Christmas rosary Find grace, find small The drugs are safe in the corner closet down the hall...

I like that there is not a blatant meaning. Writing can be beautiful when it is abstract.

Hi Amadeus,

I'd love to hear this poem aloud...especially in Welsh. Nice diction and imagery. The old sonnet style seems to lend itself to your words.

heidi

Your description is thorough. Also, I could "see" and "feel" the image of the dog. The inspiration for your words is apparent. Good job.