Poetry Forum

Starting from the outside, I don't think I've ever seen a more elegant cover for an anthology. Sam Webster's Falling Leaves seems the perfect choice to complement not only the title but the inner workings of the poems and poets as they strive to connect with the reader and page to page. The color ch...

So...how did it end? Did you ever come up with a version that is satisfactory? Great to read this old thread. I was looking for something under my name and then came across this gem. Dave, hope you're well and still at it.

E

This is so very lovely Ant. And surely joy deserves a castle as much as doom or gloom Truly it does. I have a huge stack of videos from a series dedicated to castles. So many had dark histories but a few where filed with tales of noble nights and romance. Your poem inspires me to see the film. For s...

Elph it's great to hear from you! I'm very pleased it has a British feel to your ear. The more I visit England, the more I love it and if any of it is rubbing off in my poetry, that's a good thing. I find that there is still much more attention to language -- to sound and rhythm than in a lot of con...

I enjoyed the read a lot. I'm confused, though. The title refers to an afternoon, yet the sun has just risen and you're drinking gin. Wha kind of an example is that for Young Jack? Ha ha well you know how those early weekend holida summer days can go. "Inspiration" begins early :) The sun...

E, Just a thought or two. (Like Ben, I may change my mind later..) "Plastic" implies "toy" so "toy" is redundant unless you want to retain the rhyme. Personally, I would lose "plastic", keep "toy". Agreed! The stanza breaks seem arbitrary. Which? I ...

I'll return for a proper reading later but first fleeting thoughts. 'your' in L3 excludes the reader, I know this is for a friend and in the personal context 'your' is fine, would the poem lose/gain anything by dropping 'your' just there. Enjoyed the crows as noisy platters. S2L6 'mad dryer sock' d...

Thanks to all of you who helped me to shape this. I'm very pleased that it found a home on a spiritual site whose editor is both Christian and Buddhist and who found the idea of waiting a companion to Advent and the reference to Buddha resonant with his own sensibilities. It belongs with the photogr...

An Afternoon in Tunbridge Wells Captain Jack Sparrow points his sword toward the stars. His eyes smudged dark as twin cannons with eyeliner. I note the edge of the blade. It's sharp for a toy, but this boy has no interest in harm. He wants to hang from the oak branches in your garden. To scavenge t...

The saxophones have stolen from the silver tin and run riot on her pliant little body. A forefinger and thumb are stretching young skin; she grows wet in the depths of her study (all this is just marvelous!!) where she’s learning lap dancing and to TEFL, to throw a dart in a far part of the globe. ...

Mic this is a very strong poem IMM which with a bit more effort can be made even stronger. I have a few thoughts for you in line. [quote="Mic"]I begin with the nipple (I might remove the "I" from the poem. Since you hint at it being an artist's depiction, this would take it sligh...

Somehow I am always in the middle of controversy here LOL. This gave me a good laugh and I saw it as a light punt at humor and the good naturedness of the author. Bring on the lyrical, the sublime, the mooneyed and the mooned ;-0 We're in for a jolly good ride.

Cheers

hi I was referring to the reference in the text itself. Generally I am not fond of references to literary figures in poems - unless poem is about them - belongs in index I say. To press the point (ever so gently) does it matter for the poem that the figure mentioned is Rilke? If not, why introduce ...

Hello Ant, I shall certainly stick with it. In fact, it already has a home. I was wishing to sculpt it to a finishing point and I had been away so long from PG and thought I'd drop her in to see what I could do. I'm a great fan of lyrical poetry and though I've been going slightly more narrative, th...

Antcliff wrote:Hi
For me the poem is weakened slightly by the reference to Rilke. It is a stray literary reference that is slightly distracting.

I'm thinking about this and I may need to change it to something else because of the epigraph or else do away with the epigraph. Hmm. I'll sleep on it!

Your title caught me as I just spent a week in Lyme. I've yet to write about it but your description offers a magical sense of things. I took the River Walk with a friend and spent hours in those mists. I can't add to Brendan's good advice but I can encourage you to revise this. It's truly the trick...

"Do you exist, then?

Why,
asked God,
do you need proof?"

Did you ever find out?

Miss you Barrie.

E

Another poem about the moon - great. Sorry Lois, but this reads to me like pretentious hackneyed spiritual nonsense. I'm obviously not the audience for this kind of thing, but it would be wrong of me not to air my opinion on such vapid unoriginality. B. Thanks Brian. Your opinion is certainly noted...

Hi E, Should it me "missing reflection _in_ water"? It's not the water that is reflected... Also, do you need some punctuation after "water", I think you are terminating your list of who you asked at that point? It took a couple of reads, but once I got it I enjoyed it. Ian Good...

Hi, E I don't have a problem with Rilke because he wouldn't have a problem with this poem IMHO. I would hope not Geoff! All the personification brought to mind St Francis's Brother Sun, Sister Moon . I was wondering whether "a man who has seen the edge of the universe" is Buddha? The poem...

BenJohnson wrote:You are two days out Lois I went on Friday

Ah! I must get the full report then

hi I was referring to the reference in the text itself. Generally I am not fond of references to literary figures in poems - unless poem is about them - belongs in index I say. To press the point (ever so gently) does it matter for the poem that the figure mentioned is Rilke? If not, why introduce ...

Easter Sunday is the day I associate with you, because that day I wandered through Wandsworth, where nary a dream comes true, and wept a bucketful - a pond's worth - until I staggered over the Albert Bridge, frostily twinkling, and entered Chelsea, the previous unprofitable year cold around my leg ...

Enjoyable to read Lois, I'm pretty sure I've seen this somewhere else recently. Not unless you read it at The Art House and I'm sure you didn't. I'm having a little hiccup at this point but for a few stars who dared to tell you were the same moon who made a mirror With the current punctuation I'm r...

Antcliff wrote:Hi
For me the poem is weakened slightly by the reference to Rilke. It is a stray literary reference that is slightly distracting.

HI Ant,

Thanks very much for reading. Are you referring to the epigraph beneath the title or the reference to Rilke within the poem?

E