Poetry Forum

. Palms damp like the surface of contemptuous stones on the steaming, still riverbank; Fingers—knuckles— like aching hills of a burned homeland, often bloody and almost sharp; Nails clipped short, cracked and unclean; Thick wrists. Your two hands— My life’s first scale, weighing the fear against the...

This left a rather.. gory impression, although I'm not positive that you intended it. I also felt that the first stanza was the weakest, especially since the imagery of the second stanza is so strong ( "Rodents seek vulture fix" is awesome--really delivers animalistic fixation with "v...

beautifulloser-- ... I actually don't mind the wordiness. I think the diction adds a kick to the general rhythm of the poem. I especially like the third stanza--"searing sheets of serotonin,/ as our lives and galvanised/ speech caress the spirit." Nice. And to each his/her own. I liked the...

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In Retrospect


A shallow rift,
unbroken feet,
a duller sound, and water.

Allow me this.

For I am overjoyed,
bled and crouched, fetal,
having rode the crest
of a wave
into a mouth
of weakened glass.





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Dave-- Everything after the 11th line (starting from I look to the faces affronting me, ) is rather good, catchy and rhythmic, although in some areas I feel that you've added unecessary lines (for example, I think that The stage whispers advice “Don’t try to be clever… “Just the way you practiced it...

Songbird-- This is so strong in certain parts, but I feel as if S1 and S3 drag the poem down. Editing would be to your advantage, and what previous posters have said concerning the weaknesses of the first stanza are true. As for the third stanza, especially when reading it out loud, it tampers with ...

. This piece felt incredibly personal to read, especially the first stanza-- vacancy in the living space reveals part of the wall I hadn't seen since painting it, reveals a part of me I hadn't known since we finished it --it's very intimate, the words seem woven in memory-- I liked it a lot. The onl...

. I realllllly enjoyed this piece-- it did so much in regard to articulating emotions accurately and translating into words the depth of your experiences. My favorite bits were: you could count the notches on my spine, my belly, fecund, my hands seemed lit from within. We discoursed like Adam and Ev...

. I really enjoyed this-- I agree with previous responses in that it definitely kept me interested throughout the entire piece. However, I disagree with what Amadeus and Lake said about adding quotation marks; to me, the change of pronouns didn't hinder the flow of the piece at all-- it was obvious ...

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Shoot beans.

I completely forgot about that; thank you for reminding me!

*rushes off to critique.*





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. An Introduction [tab][/tab]It seems that writers like to write about writers. I’m not sure as to why that is. Perhaps the reason is embedded in the human propensity towards selfishness; we desire to tell of ourselves, to make others feel what we feel—maybe every writer is just talking about himsel...

. Thank you to both Barrie and Kim for the suggestions-- I appreciate the reviews and I've changed the poem a bit since I agreed with everything that was said... I did have some trouble with modifying the word "that" in the last line of the poem, as Kim suggested, and I wasn't up to changi...

. Worth unravels; merit of a different age bleeds across the years and paints my lips, garishly and with open shame. Light becomes nothing more than the force that casts the shadow of the cathedral spire. And we pray, knees against stone inside the apse, looking down, rejecting even the muted sunlig...

. Price What did you say? "I'd like you to kiss my marrow; lick it and love it in that lavish way you do." So I did. Eventually I came up to breathe with lips stained wet with the sheen or redbrick colored rust. Young blood-- metallic, orgasmic, and agonizing. I drank it up, reducing mysel...

D.-- I enjoyed the fact that the snapshots you used for your images weren't typical of Greece-- it implied a more personal connection with the place that goes beyond the simple fact that it's an interesting, nostalgic region. I don't necessarily think of Greece when thinking about cheetos, but it wo...

. I loved it-- especially the ending. I personally have trouble with the last stanzas of my poems; they always seem so disengaged from the rest of the poem. Yours, however, was so smooth and natural. I also loved the second stanza, but, as it has been mentioned above, the "callow, tallow" ...

. She looked as though her face had been broken before, the color and feel of her skin reminiscent of some kind of glue, her features pasted together with the residue of tears, her jaw loose in the wake of that useless ambition. Her image was so immersed in that lull that hums after bad, frightening...

Thank you everyone for your responses: David.-- Thank you for the compliments, expecially the bit about "great restraint." I appreciate it. Barrie.-- The chlorine was a reference to a swimming pool :] Dave.-- I don't mind negative at all, and I do realize that the subject material of most ...

the scent of him and chlorine, gathered in the lines of my palms, stains my skin; and i cannot bear our smell of old, wrong love, the great fragility of the aroma, like that of hurting gardens and broken rooms-- the walls within which you numbed my tongue with your taste and taught me of your hurt.

m.—

I love the way you used repetition, in fact, I love the entire poem—other than the “cove rocky,” which has apparently been aforementioned, I had no problems with the piece.
In particular, the phrases “flesh of the sea” and “a side road scoops out the hill” were amazing.

Great job.

—r.

b.-- *Shivers.* ooh, I liked this. I especially appreciate your word choice in regard to adjectives-- words like "gravesucked" (which I will forever remember) and "lipless" added that extra punch, not only making the piece more original, but also allowing for a more haunted atmos...

with a complete disregard for the sky in my mouth, you kiss and bite my bottom lip with the sincerity of the hungry— I can not feel the cold of your teeth: the aching of transience has torn that much asunder—the self is too much; our skin too rough, and the only pinpricks of light I found were of we...

d.-- I loved this. My favorite part of the poem is the last word; the closing of this piece is so wonderfully strong, and it only strengthens the images that are built up prior to the last line. The only negative I noticed was the description of hair at the end of the first stanza-- when I first rea...

d.-- the first two stanzas presented great images to me-- i especially love the bit about the fly gorging his "silly hunger" on you. the only problem i have with this piece is the ending--the idea of cleansing is introduced so abruptly and the intricate details of the previous stanzas seem...

this is a really short read, but i've always been interested in what people might think of something i wrote while i was high or intoxicated. so, here's me on coke: words collapse on your lips, mid-kiss; I am intoxicated with the fall, and you realize that you can not be a poem. your eyes are too da...