Poetry Forum

You old old farts!

Haha! You remember I'm from Sheffield an am female, that's a start.

Aye, a'l sup wi'thee if tha payin'.

Well, I'm fairly new to this website despite the start date. I only really got involved a few months ago. I agree that it has seemed very quiet recently. It is hard to write critiques, and I don't think I've ever written a long in-depth one myself. I think this is due to feeling slightly inadequate ...

Yes David, ironically enough for someone criticising prose you did a good job of expressing yourself badly. :lol: Don't worry, I agreed with what you were saying I just felt a bit patronised. You're welcome to comment on my posts it's useful even when the person dislikes your work. Sorry if I got a ...

Spencer, I hate to be the spectre at the feast but there's no point in not saying this: I think it's really hard to write good prose, and this is not good prose. That may just be subjective, but I think it's over-written. There's too much of you in it, commenting, moralising, pontificating. If you ...

Haha! Well I'll definitely post on here and let you all know when it's up and running. I assure you there are no annoying songs on my myspace page, nor are there pictures of myself posing at all different angles in the mirror.

The mundane 9-5 has finally taken it's toll and I've decided to focus on something more creative. So I'm setting up my own E-zine. So far there is only a myspace which is http://www.myspace.com/holeintheroad but my whizz of a web developer boyfriend will be making me a shiny new website. So if any o...

I liked the hairy legs, but it's good without it too.

All your poems/prose have a natural ease and surreal humour to them, I always look forward to your posts Thoke.

Anyway, let's not hijack the post - I'd like to see it expanded upon. There would seem to be a lot of thought and reflection that never came out, leaving the piece a little too brief. There's a lot of interesting stuff still waiting to be revealed, methinks. Well I did post the longer version a whi...

Haha nice names. But I decided on 'Hole in the Road' (I'm going with a Sheffield theme).

The myspace page is now up and running, but the website isn't yet.

http://www.myspace.com/holeintheroad

add me if anyone is on here!

Cheers love. Darn it there I go again! Yeh I wrote it about a year ago whilst still at uni and I don't think I'd had the full on yorkshire accent experience at this point. I did get my native Sheffield boyfriend to read it over and he said it was fine. I see your point though, I might take it out. P...

Hi, I wasn't too sure about which section of the forum to post this in but I'm thinking about setting up my own E-zine with (hopefully)submissions of poetry, prose, art and photography. Do any of you guys use a litzne or ezine? I'd like to have a look around and see how others have approached it. It...

I never noticed it before but sitting on a train is a little like being stuck on a conveyer belt. The train chundles past the scenery without caring to slow down for you to see it clearly. One big green and grey blur; cities, fields, trees. They all merge together like the painting of a two year old...

Thanks for reading Cameron. Yeh it is veryl slow and introspective, I think that it's meant to be but I've probably neglected to keep the interest of the reader as I'm writing. Still it was interesting to hear what someone else thought of the story.

There is coldness set in the stolid, far-away expression which adds to my apprehension. But you look deeper and melancholy green eyes reveal a softer side than you get with the average ice-maiden. Curiosity is taking over and I have to hedge my bets. I feel my back stiffen as I walk, my steps falter...

Haha! I've written the rest. I know it's slow but I think it's a builder rather than full of twists and turns. Perhaps that's not the correct way to write a short story but it's what came out of my pen at that moment. I'll post the rest but it's a bit long. I just didn't want to post it all and then...

Hello Seda!

Nah, just go for it. Even just to praise something it's worthwhile. Some people give a really detailed break down and do know the mechanics and so on but some of us just give the odd opinion.

Not that I'm saying this so you'll review mine.....

“Can I get you anything?” The voice floated softly into my consciousness, gently nudging the lazy cognitions of my mind back into action. I raised my sleepy eye-lids to the direction of the soft susserations, to see pretty brown eyes and benign white teeth smiling down. I returned her smile, a littl...

All is calm and peaceful, I wait, he lingers, I walk from room to room, Unsettled i get out the duster, I begin to clean with speed, Aware he waits to come, Ever reaching grasp of unseen powerful fingers, My mind begins to race, Nervous apprehension, I stomp with speed and dust my way, Slam without...

Thanks Geoff, I changed the unimpressed brow in the end. I submitted it to a competition and the version I used was: The Bridle I run my fingers down bumps, bends and buckles. It twists and turns joining metal and leather into one. The coiled up contraption is heavy to lift. I can still hear her boo...

Haha, I like it. Short and witty. But I do think the line

he may look, my goodness, very smug

breaks up the flow unecessarily.

Haha! I love your writing, it's so funny and enjoyable to read.

Yeh the first line is rubbish, I changed it a while ago I think.

It's also about West Street, I thought you might be interested as I remember you mentioning the City Hall in one of your posts.

Thanks.

Cheers minstrel. I've actually just been touching it up a little. Here is a revised version: I run my fingers down bumps, bends and buckles. It twists and turns joining metal and leather into one. The coiled up contraption is heavy to lift. I can still hear her boots clomp along the concrete. The wa...