Poetry Forum

A couple of nits with this one, David. I wonder if 'cerulean blue' is a bit of a cliche? I mean, it sounds lovely, surely it's been used a lot. If not a cliche, then perhaps it's over-egging the pudding a bit? I could be wrong about all of this, just something about it not sitting quite right, Also,...

ton321 wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 23, 2023 4:54 am

It is
what it
it is
but it sure
aiyn't poetry

I found
my cock
the other day
does that make it found

cock-art

Hmmmm...

A succinct nugget of existentialism! Had to google Lucky Santangelo... that's a surprising reference (I bet she's never been referenced in a poem before), works well.

I like it. I particularly like: weaving a  sound with the needles of  beaks. S2 is a little clunky to my ear and could do with some work.. Personally, I'd get shot of L1 and L4. 'Prehistory' seems a bit superfluous when you have L2 doing that same job but more poetically. Same with L4, L3 does the j...

I always enjoy found poetry, it's a fascinating thing. That last line though, what a gift!

Is the title a little nod to 'Gone Fishing'? I do hope so. My first thought too. Instantly brought a little bit of joy and set me up for the poem. Again, David, just lovely. Can't find fault with it. L3/4 made me chuckle, referencing things which others either don't get or don't find amusing will a...

Hello John, not sure what to make of this one. Is an aubade not a poem about lovers parting, bemoaning the encroaching morning? Could be wrong, but I'm not getting that sense from this. I haven't googled a translation for S2 L3 yet, perhaps there's a key there. There seems to be a profundity to S3 w...

The title grabbed me right away.

Interesting rhyme scheme, ABABCBC, not sure I remember coming across it before. Is it me or is there something quite discomforting about it (in a good way)? I seem to be expecting an 8th line with a B rhyme but it brings us up short. I like it.

You know (I hope) that I've always liked your work, David. It's elegant and charming, and these new ones are no different. Beautiful!

Having said that, it might just be me, but does the rhythm go slightly astray in L4?

Looking forward to reading the rest in the series.

Thanks, David. I've no idea what happened to Oskar, he was fun! Good poet too, I've still got his CD. On with the show. How about this? For anyone who hasn't seen Detectorists, this won't mean much. But just hearing the first few bars of this song fills my heart with gold: https://youtu.be/-ViJp1Y95...

Great stuff, John.

How about a bit of Spike? I remember my dad crying with laughter at the Q series. This particular bit is a favourite of Mrs Nash too (and Spike Milligan does look a lot like her late Nan in this clip)

Wow! What an incredible mash-up. Really shines a new light on Astaire's moves.

That's a good edit on S2, John. Didn't like the "run into" edit, but this new edit is less prescriptive (if that's the right word) than the original.

This is just perfect, David. To me, it's reading as I would expect one to feel during such an experience, that charming, elegant exterior (which the poem has) being stripped away and leaving that frightened child inside us all, thinking about its own mortality. Luckily, I haven't had this sort of ex...

I started this thread 13 years ago, I wonder if anyone will still be up for it. A lot has changed in the world since then and, I think, the internet has become an angrier place. Anyway, here's the original remit: ----- Well, we're getting close to the most miserable time of the year so who's up for ...

Aah, David, you old charmer! You make me sound like some sort of Sergio Leone-esque, wandering poet-with-no-name (...which you damn well know really appeals to my under-inflated ego). If I could come anywhere near to that figure then it would probably be more The Littlest Hobo than Eastwood! I'd lik...

Let's have another from Huddie:

Hello John, Beautifully written, as I'm coming to expect from you. Your skill with metre is enviable. I like the diminishing stanza lengths, it makes the reader feel like the poem is closing in on them (at least, it does me). The number of lines could fit into a 6,5,4,3,2,1 stanza pattern which woul...

For me, the poem doesn't really start until L6. Do we need the scene setting, I'm not sure it adds anything to the main part of the poem? "I chose my seat left of centre" sounds like it should be relevant, but is it?

I'm finding these pieces hugely intriguing, John. Just to say where I am as a reader, I know a bit about Norse mythology but next to nothing about the Abrahamic religions. So, having said that, S1 is a bit lost on me as I don't know Abishag and David (shepherd boy or not), from the reading I would h...

That was fun! Worth it for the 'figures/delivered' rhyme alone. Are we missing a beat in the 'fisticuffs' line? And do we have a beat too many on the 'Ghostwrit' line (maybe lose 'had')? I was struggling with the 'purchased/virgins' rhyme but... do I remember that you're from Brum? If that's right t...

I agree with Ray, This does go a bit off-piste after L5. I think the title is sending us in the wrong direction.

All the best,
nash

I've read very little Berryman, I should get on to it. On the subject of Clare, there was a (very) experimental documentary about him which was made recently. Not to everyone's taste but I thought it was great. It's been a long time since I've tried to embed a video here, let's see if this work:s: h...

Thanks for the explanation, John. I read yours and Mac's comments after writing mine (I tend not to read other comments before leaving something myself so as not to cloud my initial thoughts). That brings a new perspective to the piece. It's a fascinating and, obviously, harrowing experience. As you...

Thanks very much, Mac. That's really kind! Thanks, John!