Poetry Forum

Thank you both! Great suggestions

Yellow stands for the sun,
daffodils, egg yolks,  
and the dress she wore hiding in ditches.

The muddy stains wouldn’t wash off.
I get rashes after eating eggs,
bouts of sneezing around daffodils.

I wear blue dresses —
like the summer sky she watched
while lying in the ditch.

I really liked the bit about porridge. Very vivid. Probably the best image in the poem.

I would get rid of “of course” in the beginning. It sounds unnecessary. Getting rid of it would make the beginning a little bit more “on point”.

I actually really liked the last verse. It did take me by surprise, but it was a good surprise. Similarly to one of the other readers, I’m not a great fan of “thing”. I’d try to make it a bit more specific. I think it would help improve the imagery of the poem. It would also make it less cliched. Ma...

I was delivered by a midwife with a cut on her finger. She left me sadness to look after stuck to her hands dried from excessive use of soap countless attempts to clean it off. I remember her white uniform, baggy eyes and forehead wrinkles clearer than my mother’s first smile. And the finger cut dee...

As others mentioned, the poems seems very neat and well-thought. Having said that, I would not have guessed what the poem is about if it wasn't for the title and the second stanza. The second stanza definitely made it for me. I wasn't a great fan of the body being imprisoned by walls just because th...

There were some parts of this poem I was a bit confused by, e.g. the bridge. Not really sure what you meant by that? Seems very personal and situation-specific. I loved "surreptitious lips blessing white linen dust writhes and twists teased by a pillar of fire" along with the last stanza a...

Lying under my wool blanket, I listen to news from the east and every time I hear about victims another bomb explodes inside me. When they sing of the heroes, I see them in pits. When they sing of freedom, I see them locked in coffins. Drinking warm coffee with frothed milk, I see children lying und...

Interesting poem. Even though in general I like directness, putting a gun to her head sounded a bit too much for me, especially in poetry. But then again, it's just my own personal issue.

I loved "she found her voice...". These lines really spoke to me. Thank you.

I can definitely see that you were trying out stream-of-consciousness writing. And I believe it didn't go bad for you at all! First of all, I love Samuel Beckett, but I didn't get Samuel Beckett's vibes from this for some reason. More James Joyce, if anything. I appreciate the honesty. I like direct...

I'm impressed. I'm generally not a fan of this kind of poetry. I tend to read heavier, more psychological and rough pieces. But this definitely spoke to me. "A pile of last year's leaves" works great as the last line. The imagery is very cute and warm. It simply made me feel good inside wh...

Thank you both. I'll try to slice it a bit... Bacon sandwiches reminded her of the vastness of space They smelled of lost chances and time passing. The splattering oil reminded her of the days when it was difficult to wake up and the sun's rays hurt her eyes. The crispiness reminded her of failure. ...

Bacon sandwiches reminded her of the vastness of space There was a lot to explore between ham and neck. They smelled of lost chances and time passing, So she stuck with peanut butter and jelly The splattering oil hitting her eyes reminded her of the days when it was difficult to wake up because the ...

Not really my style of poetry, but I still enjoyed it. The flow was nice. The imagery was spot-on.

Just like others, I particularly enjoyed line 2 and line 4.
Funny poem I can't write like this, so I admire your skills.

At first, I thought it was going to be a purely Christian poem. Then, it became more and more interesting. I liked the use of repetition. It was also interesting to read this poem coupled with your view shared in the comments. Keep writing!

My school was named after Nicolaus Copernicus, and the teachers asked us to sing songs about him halting the Sun and moving the Earth. But I could not imagine anybody with arms that long and realized I know nothing about the world. Jesus was a God and Jesus said that “there will be signs in the sun,...

Not sure if I liked this poem. I don't think I even found it funny.

But I liked the last line! Also, I'm not sure it's entirely a myth. There is certainly more than one grain of truth in it.

I really liked the last stanza. I also thought that this is a poem about the development of a child. Not sure if this child is neglected though.
And no, naming the dishes does not help us proceed with more caution.

Hello, thank you for the comment! I really appreciate it.

Univocal means something that has only one meaning, for example, "photosynthesis." So the point of the poem was that "I" does not have only one voice and constantly changes, looking for itself.

Regards!

Is “I” a univocal term? No matter when or how I say it, it means oversleeping and unpaired socks. Except being the 9th letter of the English alphabet, “I” enjoys making love, singing loudly, and remembering random quotes. “I” cannot write poetry sober, drinks too much, and gets angry. “I” has a crac...

I'm not a huge fan of this kind of poetry, but it flowed nicely.

The title really helped me understand the main idea.

I really like the last line. Made the whole poem super entertaining. I also liked the title

I love raw, prose-like poetry like yours. I hate lofty langage. Your poem really hit me hard. Thank you.

Hey Chris, I get your points. The poem was intended to be a sort of satire about how the author is seemingly angry with the world, but also simultaneously becomes a part of it. The enumeration of different issues such as yoga, avocado, etc was supposed to mimic social media bombarding us with unsoli...