Poetry Forum

I like this Ioan...will come back with comments

I like this....

I enjoyed the turnaround and word play....

Not much else to say really....dont know if it can be improved...if it hit me in the face I still wouldnt know

This about bumping into an old flame, Brendan...?...or God forbid...an ex-wife

I like the flow...dont really know what to say about these shorties...only that they seem to be all the rage nowadays ..

You not using punctuation deliberately?

Cheers....

Thanks Barrie..

Grimly placing the hood over the broken head, amid delicate claims of pure innocence. The hangman gave sanctum with an act of bad manners, deciding the fortune of the world and enslaving mankind in sacred games and mindless deeds, to be executed dilligently and carefully to protect justice. Much be...

Great Barrie....agree entirely.... :roll: :mrgreen: I thought the only look up word was solecism .... :mrgreen: .................................................................................... David, its not specifically about Saddam's exeution, but probably, encompasses it... :twisted: What I a...

Is this the secret of breaking bad karma, Barrie?

Now where's that silk cord

PS: I like the gentleness of the poem....and the seemingly sooooooooo laid back approach....

Thanks David, you have already given me the idea to join the 2 verses....

Sacred Games (Revised Version 1) Grimly placing the hood over the broken head, amid delicate claims of pure innocence. The hangman gave sanctum with an act of bad manners, deciding the fortune of the world and enslaving mankind in sacred games and mindless deeds, to be executed dilligently and care...

Jack, Its villanelle week….. :lol: I liked the concept of this…but see problems in flow…..with some lines not flowing on to the next (is this called enjambment?)… :?: Punctuation would help...... The other problem for me, is reference to its all the time…..we can work out the its is the monster…..bu...

My life,
like footprints
in snow
after a thaw.

I get 2 images here…

1) History – kaput - gone….
2) A battered and bruised physical body – an out of shape kinda body…one that has aged and is mushy ….

Worble the worm turned round with squirm when he bumped into Vern with a fright He'd related of moles digging great holes and running through tunnels at night, Worms who fell in became rather thin after Moley gave them bite (a bite? :?: ) And that wasn't all, another strange call birds that mimicked...

Hi Jacq.....enjoy....

You do David...too well

Ioan,

Very amusing – I like it...I am unsure o fone or 2 lines (read aloud)....but it may just be my Swansea dialect getting in the way.....

Will come back on this….I like it though…its fun…

Ha Ha...

Nice one...that'll teach you not to go to a cottage for a pee...but a real toilet instead ....

Ioan,

Thanks....I like some of your suggestions......however, I think our posts have crossed...and I did a revision before you posted ....but its work in progress.....

Thanks again.....

Revised ….

twoleftfeet wrote:Beelzebub is the keeper,
distributor of plaque

-It's obviously about Gordon Brown's inability to provide enough NHS dentists!

GGGGGGGGGGGGG

That change......Barrie...not sure of your original reason for suggesting it... But I liked it because it works well with what I am attempting to say...... From dock to Marina signifies a kind of pretentious shift....from the real world to a showy world...changing the whole face of the community.......

Merlin - I don't think you'll find a word with less syllables than changed . I see what you mean though - :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: Glad you knew what I meant B...[ i]and[/i] in instead - The dock she met a violent death, She’s gone I haven’t seen her, They say she’s now a pretty girl and her s...

Thanks for the feedback.... :idea: David, :twisted: righteous anger :mrgreen: Like it...Yeah....last verse......I have some plans.... Elphin, Bloody great :mrgreen: Yeah..punc....and agree the last bit needs to be kinda officialy brought into the poem... :lol: Barrie, Great idea, I like it....the co...

Blocks and Fancy Houses (Revised version 1) The blocks and fancy houses put people out of touch, the people who were born here say the houses cost too much. The people are all talking how rich they’re gonna be, Its really bloody great it is, living by the sea. Dai end-house is rubbing his hands duc...

A park in Autumn is the place to be when serenity is what you seek. Reclined on a bench of wooden slats, feeling the breeze caress your cheek. Watch the children run and play do you see the kite up in the sky? Bobbing and weaving in celestial dance with lazy clouds just strolling by. Lost in a mome...

Pseud... In my humble opinion you have done a fantastic job....on very, very depraved subject matter...FULL MARKS FOR EFFORT.....and nearly full marks for result... I tend to agree with emuse about the word masturbate (and thats from someone who uses words considered worse :mrgreen: )...but it proba...

I really like this. I especially like the rhythm of it. Some poems sound so good in the head, but some I feel are meant to be read aloud. I think this is one to be read aloud. Expecially like the three words after each part. Im still tryingt o get my head around what your actually saying here, so I...