Poetry Forum

I liked this , I do however think the spelling errors are not deliberate errors - they are errors ... just a glance back at previous posts and poems clarifies that

Orang - thanks so much for your crit; it was very helpful. I see your point clearly about the free form and how it affects the 2nd and 3rd part of the poem... Will try a complete re-write of the rhymed verses... Dante - thanks too, I agree with your point about trying to make the last few verses st...

Nice one Arun - I can't get into this type of poetry at all - but do enjoy reading pieces...

No crits....

Nice one...

This is well put together, it flows like a dream.........nice one...

Although must echo Dave's comments about the unoriginality....It's a difficult subject to be original about for sure as it's been done to death...but maybe trying some different words may help!

Nice one

Thanks everyone for looking in... 8) Barrie - Yeah - well worn theme...tried to be as original as poss...thanks for your suggestion, agree to drop the article... 8) Ray - Pleased you had a laugh - I don't know why but I often start poems seriously and end up turning them into a humourous write...the...

Toilet Plunger Yesterday he added sunshine to his 4 bits of wood, tarpaulin and toilet plunger. Not that he has a toilet he uses it to beat his wife 6 fucks – 6 kids. How unlucky can a man be! Works all night pushing a cart like a barefoot stalker moving through dark streets of roaches, filth, pong...

Nice painting

This is a nice write - a fun enjoyable read... I like the rhyme too, and the way it is structured...

No nits - it is what it is!

Nice one

Very powerful, if it’s a true personal experience – I feel the pain…
There are a some problems with the flow as some of the lines jarred a bit..

But with a bit of tidying up could be much better…

Nice one…

Beer Goggles You were The plainest Jane At seven. By nine you were quite frankly divine. At ten I was moved by lust to have you that night was a must. I patiently waited till twelve was struck to move and chance my lusty luck. Induced by hops and yeast, I viewed you as my delicate feast. Unzip Unfo...

Very enjoyable and loads of fun you naughty girl

Nice one Barrie….

Not sure about the last line though, like Orang, I was expecting a rhyme – which I feel would work better…

Shopping Hour

Pants
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Not really…I liked it

Yeah...Like this too....Dante.

Don't know whether it's my kinda warped thinking but besides the simple interpretation of tapping a piano key ... I see a lot of desire and lust in this

Nice one...

Mes

This is great, loved it....

Will have to come back to it for some comments but thought I would say I enjoyed the read before that...

nice one...

Well deserved HM, Pits.....great stuff...

Nice one

Loved this , short - sweet and brill...

One thing though (I probs got it all wrong)... should the first line be ¨My thoughts¨?

Nice one...

well done Raisin.....

You been speaking to my probation officer? Are you my probation officer?

I never looked i on this first time round..... my loss....

Congratulations el wow....very well deserved...

Nice one....very nice one.

This is good BL...Like it a lot....no crits from me....Sir

Pleased to see you back, I thought you were dead

Well! This is a sterling effort Ray - very very good in my humble...

And I think it is broke ....so let's fix it. ..and by that I mean what the hell are you doing posting in beginners? Seems like a shedload of experience and skill in that piece...

Nice one...

David - thanks for your comments....yeah, Jejune is a thesaurus jobby, enclave wasn't though...

Will rewrite this I think

Mick - thanks for looking in....

Dante - I agree,that verse is very weak. In fact I am considering binning it completely,upon reflection, don't think it's needed...

Scurry Home Judas Peter turns in his grave as the jejune church fails to enclave and scurry home Judas. Mathaus and Pedro have deedpolled to Troy and Zac, and theres no turning back, so scurry home Judas. Half open pits resemble music halls and everyone sits on white plastic council estate barbecue...

Mick - Nice one, very enjoyable read.....fun and well structured...

One point regarding unslightly knees, I think you may mean unsightly?

Nice one...