Poetry Forum

Hi Caleb, Really enjoyed this - thought about it a lot since reading it. I thought the shattering of the central repetition daze using the last part was clever and dramatic. (just a little, not enough to make Him blind). Seemed slightly clunky to me. "Not much, not enough to make Him blind"...

Hi Not,

Thanks a lot for the thorough read, I'll take a good look at what you said and make some changes.
I do usually avoid hanging camelids, though.

Lee.

Hi Caleb, The first thing that I notice in a poem is the clarity or lack thereof. I’ve got a new e-mail buddy. They’re my biggest inspiration, You jump from writing about an e-mail buddy (an individual) to writing about "they", but without explaining who "they" are. After jumping...

Hi Phil (and all),

Thanks for the criticism and the warm welcome. I definitely agree with you about the ending.

Glad you enjoed it,
Lee.

Version II I’m gonna smash this pub quiz. Been reading up on Anglo-Norman history, actually. I’m thinking about doing a degree. I’ve got a new e-mail buddy. They’re my biggest inspiration, Unbelievable dedication to the manufacturing industry. That’s who I want to be. I love their hair colour. And ...

First line of the second verse really resonated with me. Nice job.

Thanks.

Succinct and profound. For me, you've stylishly summarised the problem with what everyone is looking for.

Thanks.