Poetry Forum

First, I would like to announce that I was recently published for the first time in Issue #41 of Three Line Poetry. Second, I would like to let everyone know that I have started a new online journal specializing in publishing poetry, art, and photography. It is called Lantern Creek. I am currently t...

I'm not suggesting that you will worry about it, regardless if this gets published or not. Just pointing out something that I consider a logical flaw.

You stated this is based on an actual interaction with Dorothy. Regarding the declaration made by Dorothy containing the word "free," you also stated, "I don't have a clue which one <meaning> she meant." If that's the case, your final stanza does not work. You've written that sta...

Hi, Yes, in retrospect the problem I was pointing out isn't a big one... just a possible way of taking the title that doesn't gel as well with the main themes. I do like this, but I also still hold by my original critique, that if the the first three strophes were made as concrete as the last... Re...

Not sure "buoyancy" is a balloon term, either. Things in water have buoyancy, at least in my mind. Scientifically "buoyancy" is fine for a balloon. Hot air balloonists probably call it "lift" instead, but for a party balloon I think you are OK... However reading it aga...

Just because I immediately figured out what you were trying to say doesn't automatically mean the sentence is correctly written. If I wrote the sentence: "I am very happie that you liked teh poem" you might immediately understand that I meant to type "happy" and "the" b...

You have presented a vivid picture of an interesting scene. The imagery is good and the alliteration and consonance is carried out very well for the most part. I do think, however, lines 2 and 3 go a little overboard with "f" sounds. You have four instances of "f" sounds in just ...

Thanks, Arian. Glad you liked it.

Hey 68, this is a nice visual. The only thing nit I will mention is the slight context issue with the final stanza. To me, the way it is written seems to say you are both resisting the temptation to join AND the temptation to watch from behind. There's several ways to resolve this hiccup, one being:...

I agree that writing it out like that pushes it toward a comical context. However, I am seriously considering: The blowups began sometime between first steps and second grade as their son's milestones go; Making "blowups" a noun and the subject of the sentence helps nail down the right mea...

The issue I had with this was the fact that the "big black boots" description led me to immediately think of Nazi boots instead of a superhero. This character stamping his foot only added to this idea because I don't consider this type of body language very "superhero-like." This...

No, you can't blow up. Lol. Well, you can... Blow up verb 1. To become very angry <she blew up at everybody after a very long and very bad day> Now, it obviously carries the baggage of numerous other meanings, but the phrase (especially here in the American south) is used a lot when referring to pe...

Nice, but its very much a commentary before the end. The end is great, a concrete image one can really see, where the rest is more of an intellectual discussion. A few suggestions for the sorts of things I try in these situations: - switching it into the first person. Then discussion becomes speech...

Grabbed my attention. I think that unravel could be exchanged for something relating to balloons, not sure what but the balloon metaphor works so well that unravels stands out as odd. I don't think you need the Caring only for their kid,- line at all. The image of two separate balloons tied to the ...

Buoyancy They began to unravel sometime between first steps and second grade as their son's milestones go; now her rising aloofness fills him with resentment, and his home-late hot air frays any affinity they once shared. Caring only for their kid, each clings to the perception of a happy marriage....

I think this is very good. This has a wonderful, tender, playful vibe to it, and the imagery did an excellent job of pulling me into the narrative. I do have a couple of minor recommendations: The in L4 didn't really bring any extra value to the line and was a little distracting. I would just have &...

I like it as well, though, I do have some of the same issues mentioned by other members. I can't really say I understand exactly what's going on in this poem, and the details plus confusion regarding the dating are big reasons why. This is one I'm going to be contemplating on for a while.

I like it. However, I do have a suggestion for you to consider. How about something like this for the ending:

Soon they came no more,
and then the boy was no more.

Thanks to all for the feedback.
Firebird, you're not the first to suggest this would serve better as a piece of flash fiction or short story. However, this piece is styled after several other works that I like and I wanted to write something in a similar voice.

As someone who is living in an area under extreme drought conditions, and has been for most of the year, this poem really speaks to me. While reading this I stopped and glanced out the window at my pond which is so low right now my ducks have been getting picked off one by one by predators. The only...

I think this is decent, but it didn't succeed in providing within me an emotional response of any kind. Other than some solid assonance and alliteration in the third stanza, I don't really see other poetic devices being used to a degree that would elevate this piece above prose. Maybe I'm just not c...

He detonates just before dinner. The sounds are predictable: first slurred threats, then her screams. You bolt from the table, say something should be done. I grab a bat from the bedroom closet, declaring I'm heading next door; dial the landlord instead. When the cops arrive and carry him to the car...

I have recently created my own online journal that will feature poetry, art, and photography. It is called Lantern Creek Press, and I'm in the process of trying to get the word out to anyone who may be interested in submitting their work for the inaugural issue. Anyone who is interested, please chec...

Thanks to everyone for the excellent input. I am giving the balloon metaphor one more try, from a different perspective. I think this works better.
Revision #3 is now posted.

Revision #2 is now posted.