Poetry Forum

Sorry, not a poem.

What's the best translation of Fleurs du Mal?

I hear Oxford's offering is appalling.

Has nobody got any oppinions on this?

How many years have these protagonists remained on the page? Weaponized in debates, or, a mechanic of mirth as I'd quaff over my white cider through bourgeois spectacles. My eyes strain to reveal their image so many rungs below. But now, here, in their layer, I cower, baffled at their being. Heavy s...

I'm going to have to come back to this in regards to the construction etc because I'm more interested in the content for the moment. I really enjoyed the narrators tone, in fact the whole scene described was really good. I'm extremely glad you didn't try and divulge the vision that took place in thi...

I'm afraid this is a bit of a throw away one but I've been busy recently so I may as well post something. As always would be great to hear what you all think. His room, with view of garden, lays still against the humble creak of his chair that echoes down the hallway to the crowd of none who care. S...

Yeah, I liked that! Its well rounded, cyclical like. Not usually a rhymer but (and since your last post) its growing on me, I think I might have a bash myself. Anyway, I'm keeping things breif today as I'm horribly hungover, just one alteration I can suggest at the moment; "To the top of the hi...

Good work, I'm new to this posting business as well, I'm glad you've joined in. I agree with David on this, it really is good, it has a very clear sense of style, I know you say it was written recently but it has a very '50's feel to me. V1 works extremely well in setting the scene and grabbing the ...

Barrie, Merlin, Tom, Woolf... Cheers for the feedback, I've made a few alterations but I know it still needs work, I'll come back to it when I have more time. Barrie, I think your right in regards to the omission, I had debated with myself about putting it in or not when witting it, it was helpful t...

I'd be interested to hear what you all think, I'm in two minded about it myself. Would particularly like any suggestions in terms of alternate language, my vocab is painfully limited, Cheers! My flesh contracts at the bite of bitter enamel as I ease my weight from my feet. It takes until I am seated...

I agree with Tom on the language front. I really enjoyed reading this but unfortunately only on an aesthetic level as the meaning went a little over my head, other than the richness of the language left me a little cloy ha! - sorry. Could you enlighten me in regard to the meaning, I'd been very inte...

I I know its about bees but I think I'd prefer it about the poppies, obviously a few changes would have to be made, namely V2 in its entirety, but it could work. The opium trade; travel the world? Power and Gold? I reckon it's half way there! Have to agree with Ray one or the other in regards capita...

I have to agree with Mike, the rhyme possibly felt a little contrived at times and did seem to stutter, however, there is some great lines in this;

"...the sound of silk on fingertips."

I just got off the train and have written this ditty. I have hardly edited it from its conception, thought I'd juts stick it up and see what everyone thinks, it still needs a lot of work but... Her face is concealed with the varnish of fools. Her mind; In an ocular courtship. Her body; In silent wal...

I agree the first track certainly does lack something fluid, I need to come back to it I should have thought. I understand your grievances in regards to the subject, the overall sound and lyrics in their current form are not easy listening, there is a lot of tension, sometimes menace, I've tried to ...

Won't say much as other have covered it well. I don't usually like things so apparent but I thought this worked well. One problem I found was the rhythm created with "heave-ho" sometimes seem to miss a beat, or, more properly, came to soon. The first few times it works but it creates a fee...

Dave, I am not telling a specific tale of Pan as such, I am using Pan as a character to embody what he represents, as I imagine it was intended on his original conception. Looking back over it again I beleive I really should have used Artemis for she represents a truer depiction of the character I a...

She caught herself in the reflection of my eyes as I stood staring through the diner window. Her blue rinsed curls lay in symmetry to the grease stained magnolia that clothes the wall behind. Her copious contours took lead and cast her face with shame as she placed down her pie and I mouthed “I’m gl...

Taken on board. But, again, it really has nothing to do with abortion, this is why there are purposeful contradictions (womb/to suckle), the hymen phrase does not refer to an actual hymen, its more what it represents in its bearer. Cheers for help so far, I will try to clarify the concept in the nex...

Dave, Your right, I certainly linger on the folk side of things, however, it's possibly a little more hysterical than your average traditional folk song. Its all acoustic (two guitars, violin and flute) with arrangements more akin to classical music, fairly progressive, creepy, atmospheric sounds th...

Wasn't too keen on the piece myself but only read it through twice before I decided I needed to voice this; I really think the idea/image... she longs for the white of her eyes to cover her vision, so she could write on it her vitreous bliss. ...is really great, in fact, that whole verse is very goo...

The tone seems almost seething, I really enjoyed it. The narrator appears to holds a quenching contempt for his subjects which also comes across very well. There are a few things I could suggest though; Cut the title to simply 'Aqua Fortis' it creates intrigue, I immediately searched its translation...

I'm just going to talk about V1. Each individual line I thought was great but they didn't seem to work together. I read on to try and illucidate my problem to no avail. It seemed to jump (no pun intended) from a long outback road type scene to dense jungle at a click of a finger which isn't a proble...

Sorry to keep on with this piece, but here is another revised version. I have been fairly brutal in cutting it back but I am still aware that the meaning may not be clear enough for most. I'm really posting it to test the waters as I am still coming around to the idea of objectivity in regards to my...

Same as dl04, didn't quite understand V2 but liked it all the same. Saying this seems almost to becoming a standard procedure on this forum but; I liked the images. But seriously I did enjoy it but I craved a little more, it doesn't have to be a beginning or end or anything of that nature, but I fel...

Many of you may remember this being posted on the poetry section sometime ago, it was my first post and at the time I didn't realize that there was a lyrics section, so, I thought I'd give it another bash and see what you all think when looking at it as a lyric (as it was intended) and not a poem. J...