Poetry Forum

Sean This was a very uncomfortable read. You obviously felt passionately enough to want to write about it - that's justification in itself. Continue to be brave and write about what you believe in. I like your opening lines which establish a viewpoint for what is to follow. No doubt some of us are ...

I think this has real potential - although I would agree with Elphin and try and not play the apologist - although I can understand why you would want to. :shock: :roll: :D It just seems to take away the authenticity of the story - I would sure keep on with this... :twisted: Thanks mate. I was actu...

thanks for the reply. I do have a problem with grammer :oops: . Years of not sticking in at school took it's toll on me. But I'm attending collage courses etc. The cliches in the second part were on purpose, but have become less relevant as I redrafted. I just never took them out. Scared to butcher ...

This is a story I once heard off a nazi. I'm an anarchist, so this does not reflect my views on homosexuality. The story is quite brutal, so be warned. Gay Bashing The viewfinder follows homosexuals on the run A sickeningly pixelated viewfinder, acts As crosshairs. At work laughing, at how they ran ...

I rather enjoyed this. the full stops however, I dont really see the point in them and they are extremely distracting. It seemed like it could also be a bit sharper. Like Dave said, some bits are quite witty, but fails to be consistantly snappy. Bit of re-writing, could be very dark and funny. Some ...

Not that I'm a teacher, but very easy to relate to. I worked briefly as a classroom assistant and also tutored some classes on photography. Being young myself, it's hard to appreciate being a teacher, until it's experienced. Not my cup of tea.

Love the structure and the easy flow throughout the poem.

Cheers for the crit. The negative stuff is usually the useful stuff anyways. The last verse, I agree it feels totally detatched. But there's something there that I want to keep. Something about spending money to change the seasonal look in ones garden. As for protecting the brand name, nah. I just t...

Apathetic dis-approval is more appropriate than "lashing out". Haha.

Yeh, several mistakes. I intended to go to preview then re-read, to spot mistakes. But I pressed submit by accident.

EDIT: Just discovered the edit function. I feel like and old fart.

Road Side Graffiti Feeling lonely and slightly ill But I can't complain, they are assembling some new billboards That’ll take away my blues. Billboard stories, I must adhere to. Better be quick They change daily. I have a choice to grow, anti-consumerist bones But I'll wait To finish my swell can o...

Hey. Another poem that kind of grabs me. I'm really enjoying your work. You seem to really convey disatisfaction with modern life. Sorry my replies are so skimpy, I'm never really sure what to say. But the poems of yours which I've read, I've been able to relate to a great deal. You convey important...

Hi merlin.

I really liked this. The images created are excellent and the words are cleverly arranged.

I'd second that "Gropecunt Lane" would make a better title.

Trust me the new album is great. I had to listen to it a few times, but after the third time I was in love with it.

ioan I'll address you first. Thanks for your criticisms. First of all I am very sorry that this has offended you. As I said this has no religious meaning, and I in no way intended to shock by using the Christian god in such a song. you said "The ending resembles a bad dream, it’s time to wake u...

Move it to the lyrics section if you wish. I guess that's where it belongs. I posted it here, because it's one I have alot of trouble with. It means alot to me but I'm struggling to turn it into something decent. Thanks for the comments. Nice to see many radiohead fans *waves.

Sean Sweeney

I've chosen the first poem I want to put up. It was originally a song that i wrote for my band. This goes some way to explain the disjointed clumsy feel, as we are readiohead-esque. Anyway enough talk. (I am an atheist btw, so no religious meaning in this at all) Jesus Christ Cain (Mile/Minus) To wa...

I really liked this. I dont "really" smoke anymore. every now and then I do and this is how I feel when I spark up. A kind of morbid guilt, for killing myself is such a pathetic way. Dont know if that's what you're aiming for, but that's what it reminds me of.

Sean

I'm not really sure what to say about it. I really liked it. It reminds me of a Subterranean Homesick Blues type of song. Sorry it aint much.

Hey, this is my first crit and I'm in no way educated on poetry. I feel an urge to post on this one. Reason being a friend of mine suffered from bi-polar and I spent allot of time with him growing up. I feel this poem caught his "negative" moments perfectly. Some of the things he did were....

Thanks again. I will get reading shortly. Just been doing some stuff for work and collage recently. I'll also look out my Edwin Morgan book, flick through that again. Maybe get something a bit better during the week. Hopefully be giving opinions on stuff by the end of the week. Thanks again for the ...

Thanks. I have read very little poetry. Only some by Norman McCaig and Edwin Morgan. So suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks for the welcome. It seems like a friendly enough place. =]

Hello to everyone, my name is Sean Sweeney. Before I get into any details, I'd like to say, I'm not the most efficient writer. I'm not too good with grammar or spelling. I never really read poetry and I'm not sure if what I write can be considered poetry. Since I was about 13 I started writing. It w...