Poetry Forum

I hear what you are saying about the brackets. My thinking was that the words in brackets are this repetitive statement of no more coming from the other person intermingled with the thoughts of the writer. Each sentence / statement being answered by a No or No more. I think I shall take the brackets...

She says no more. No more. I glimpsed her among this crowd though time has passed since she drifted through this malaise. Yet here i know she was. She is in the faces of strangers, Though strangers we remain. The thought of her here, draws me, draws me to this place. One day I will not sense her at ...

i really did enjoy readign this, the way it is written casues me to fall onto the next word with almost a hurried feeling so i can find what the next word is. I love the fact it is simple, a simple expression of a feeling, even an episode that could be lost in life, but yet demonstrates how importan...

Thank you Suzanne - I feel though that I am a very much a novice in that a lot of other peoples poetry seems to be somewhat more refined than mine, I am very much feeling my way with this. I will post another poem up tonight called 'No more', again all to do with matters of the heart, from where mos...

Guys and Girls Replying to you all in one post. Really glad that you all seem to like this. I wa caught in a moment in Caherciveen in south west Ireland when I went for a walk and stumbled upon a castle ruin lookiing over the estury to the town. I could not help but think of young lovers meeting sec...

A re-work!

In the midst of sullen speak
Are threads of strength
Though mostly weak

Truth and life
enfold deceit
through dense sweet breath
Such coarse release

I'll build my walls
my hearts retreat
Among these words of sullen speak

I really like these kinds of poems, short succinct but yet cause you to stop and think. I sense a great deal of frustration here and like the weay there is no realy explanation for it, just allows one to feel the words and empathise if not understand the experience. Really like it!

What keeps you my dear? Sweet cailín of Cathair Saidhbhín. I watch this night in that secret room. Look-out from these castle walls. Mountains peer beyond my shoulder. Silhouettes of barley dance. We wait What keeps you my love from my arms this night. I pray not a hearts lament So quickly come I st...

Thank you for the feedback. The poem is about liking someone for such a long time andthen to finally hear the words you wanted to hear from them that means the start of a relationship. So the relationship starts, but then that person leaves for another country before the relationship has a chance to...

actually - I think this is better

Last night I lay in bed
your arm around my waist
your body next to mine

With your breath on my neck
Your hand on my chest
I have become so contented with you

As we lie here I fall through depths of peace

As I lie here I pray this dream to be real.

Right, done some changes - how does this all look?? Last night as I lay in bed your arm around my waist your body drew near to mine With your breath on my neck Your hand on my chest I have become so contented with you As we lie here I fall through depths of peace As I lie here I pray this dream to b...

ah, how familiar this all sounds. I like it very much. Resonates with me deeply. A great little topic and original. The link between emotion and nicotine. I like the fact it is short, sometimes things go on way too long, but this is good. Not sure about the comment on the nicotine thing from the pre...

Yeah I like this a sense of desperation here too. The emotiveness of it strikes with me and I can see an honest expression of something real. The way it is written almost makes me stumble through it though, I think I want savour each line but just as I begin to read it, i am on the next. Not that th...

This is the room those words found life Slow evening wrapped in subtle light You lay there curled among that song Grace and beauty I have known so long How could I stop that fall of walls The gentle flood of deepest call The citadel fails, my strength undone Lips from which my hopes begun This is th...

Well Guys you have surprised me a little. I thought this would be shot down in flames with it being a little, well, intimate. Some have an amazing aversion to intimacy being spelled out. It's actually about a time of lonliness, the lying there, thinking of someone, not necessarilly anyone in particu...

Last night as I lay in bed I felt your arm around my waist
I felt your body draw near to mine
With your breath on my neck
And your hand on my chest
I have become so contented with you

As we lie here I know I shall not find greater peace

As I lie here I pray this dream to be real.

this is great, the words used are so, er, well descriptive, they way they are placed together. The meter is indeed very good and it provides an easy read. Easy is by no means a negative word, i think the shape of what you are writing gives way to the ease of reading that actually allows you to conne...

interesting, never thought of the 'but' issue. A few people have said they want more from this. Sometimes wonder whether giving more detracts from the concise nature of it, but I do take your point. I think Im going to play with maybe a couple more stanzas and see what I come up with. Glad you like ...

thanks for this - having read all the comments, and mused over the 'nervousness spoken' element I do feel now as others have said that the change in tempo by using this word does work and gives the phase more meaning. As for the last element, I do still like the 'hope at last' simply becuase the poe...

cheers guys. Still working nt he nervousness spoken. For some reason i still really like the phrase but shall give it some more thought. Glad it did not make you wretch, cant think of anything worse that a poem could do to a person!

thank you for your comments

In the midst of sullen speak
Are threads of strength
But mostly weak

Where walls are built
Meek hearts retreat
Amongst the words of sullen speak

thanks guys really appreciate your comments. Will look at the third couplet and see if i can hone it somewhat.

Its actually about meeting an old friend and realising a very deep hidden feeling.

yes I like this too. Very good fun, great for congouring up pictures in the mind. As a previous post said, could be great for children!

i am sure it is me and my poetic ignorance, but well, it just seems to be a little too hard to work out what your saying. Maybe i need to learn the art of patience and not just flick to the next one if I dont get this one. Or maybe it is a little difficult to connect with it, I dont know - any chanc...

I am actually quite scared to post here reading some of the comments that are made. Be gentle, first post

lines on a face
long forgotten

warmth in a touch
lost in our past

nervousness spoken
as if we are strangers

hope in a glance
hope at last