Poetry Forum

The nice rhymes helped liven the poem up a bit, as some kind of Shakespearean pentameter.
Never use the same difficult word twice; 'precocious'

"Was he a jack, an ace or knave" - A bit overused ?

Wow, this is a pretty good poem,

'feline melancholy'

'boys settle for the white stuff'

"Maybe when the next wall comes down
it'll all change.
Still i fear when the next wall comes down,
Who'll be here to notice?"

Good ending I assure you, but I never really got it.

I thought the ending was pretty good: "Do you need me for the sake of a winter outside? Or must I implode for the sake of a burning, in and around your heart? " Helps to put this addiction into perspective as some kind of a human relationship. What I found confusing though was you seem to ...

Hehe, happy new year.

Pretty pessimistic view though not the best way to start the new year.

What I never got was 'dreams decay in light' in the context of that last stanza.

Hullllooo *Mr Bean voice*

I think your Hello post is good enough to be a poem, with a few alterations

It was a good poem, not bad at all, but then we got a bit too many embellishments in a few lines. I'm sure you know what I mean. The poem probably has more significance now to me because it's 1:20 A.M and I'm kind of sleepy. I like your attempt to get a 'midnight blue' kind of aura out in the second...

'white water rushes past me' I like this. At first I was a bit hesitant, but it's short and quick, like drowning. Or at least I think drowning is like that. 'Never ending water masks my tears' - nice line. But I don't really get the significance to the Titanic. Or is that just something random? Sure...

Something I felt was good was that you kept a poem on prostitutes quite interesting, considering it wasn't hard to figure out what you were on about. Some nice lines like 'emerald flicker', even though cash is a rather dull object, you evoked a vivid image of shiny, glistening jewelry; a prostitute'...

I know you did the full stop on the penultimate lines in each stanza on purpose, but it still made the poem rather difficult to read.

Hi CC, I don't have time for a more detailed response as I'm supposed to be off out-(sorry, no reflection upon your work)-so, from a quick glance: why don't you attempt a writing of your idea in contempo-speak, just to have a play? (If you're offended by that, ask me to write something in a way I d...

Well now that you've changed tune a bit since you get where I was coming from... coon's age was a popular term to mean something along the lines of blue moon. If you had actually read my own commentary on my poem you would have noticed I specifically said what it meant. http://www.google.com.au/sear...

After reading ionsant's last few posts, I am much inclined to believe he is someone like Shakespeare's failed mentor...or someone just learning poetry, there ain't many rules in poetry mate, critiquing things as if they need to conform to rules is failing to understand what poetry really is. Stay in...

You should have at least put explicit in tags...

Don't what to say to this, except, isn't this the rule in any town?

p.s. I hope you are not another Dave or Barrie, dread the thought. And what's that supposed to mean? If you've anything to say, say it! I'd like to know what I'm guilty of. If you've got some sort of axe to grind then PM me, don't use threads to make snide comments. Don't take him seriously mate.

Dear Cryptic Celestial Love It happened upon a waning moon withered sentiment turned sepia. A fall of ravens & thine eyes reflected dark holt. Yonder came one, the sinister, chapé, the dexter stole the colour of thy love, Gules. I remember us, danced with Zephyr, as he galloped across the Champ...

This is a good poem, but overdone, this is not the first time we'll see autumn so obviously described. Best aspects of the poem I thought were the title, a sinister brooding feel? I can picture leaves falling to their death in a dark surrounding hehe, thanks to the last few lines. Why did you choose...

i love my dog
i hate my cat
now i got puppies
fancy that



in a 4 lined poem, u gotta admit, that does make people wonder...

I thought the ending was great, it shows a kind of annoyance to society, but somehow I didn't get the link to the rest of the poem either. I know there is a link, there is right? I agree with kozmik to some extent, it is a bit uneven, but the use of clever words like 'brandalism' show great potentia...

The spark was a girl Just wondered what a good way to creatively portray emotions were. And I tried it.

Great to meet all the different people here with the different styles of poetry and way of thinking. Good days ahead.

Here is the meaning behind the poem, it's fairly long, but you don't have to read it if you don't want :) The first line represents the setting; a waning moon, where it's turning from a full moon to a new moon, and the enchanting glow is fading away conspicuously. The narrator starts to reminisce as...

It happened at the waning of a moon doesn't flow too well. There is nothing wrong with 'It happened upon a waning moon' It makes sense. This poem has nothing to do with religion. The earlier form of english is much richer, hence why I used it. I am not referring to old photographs, however that sent...

But of course

I am going to re-read it once I get back from some errands. I am still trying to figure out the scoundrel bit.

I like that type of poetry, already read on of yours, looking forward to the rest Charbird.

I hope all is well.

Cheers

Thanks kozmik