Poetry Forum

Sorry for the delay k-j, Geoff, Ros k-j I can use full moon as long as I don't get accused of being unimaginative. The eastern culture (s1) is a collage of: (a) the cormorant fishing - the cormorants have a collar and line and the collar prevents them from catching more than one fish at a time, (b) ...

As my feathers are cloaked across my frame her claws knead a knot into my shoulder this dream I stole hides desires of forlorn man. Her acid nest, my pigment first feed on psilocybes around your feet marked as heat contours a table, in rings then take this wish as your command: A mammal of any size ...

Of Owls and Apple Trees moved to new thread

calico wrote: Me and John are going to post something aren't we John?

We are indeed.
J.

Hi Blogsworth,
one problem with changing parts of S1 is that the two stanzas are blanced line by corresponding line. I'm not sure I want to change that.
However I can change the position of folded in L3 S1.



J.

Thank you Peter.
Re-assuring.
I still have to consider where I go with the rest of it.
At the moment I'm thinking of losing S3.
Thinking hurts....



J.

Just to let you know I like the revision,
balanced and tells the story


J.

Thanks E.
Do you have any names for me?



J.

Hi Bloggsworth,
Thanks for the read.
And your suggestions, which I will study to see how they affect the balance.



J.

On the night of the circular moon when cormorants raise fish one by one and folded fortune cookie red boats with lit candles set off towards the horizon where the sun will rise about six: The dreams of the pilgrims stay alive because each day’s tomorrow is when hopes will come true. On the night tha...

Hi k-j

Thanks for the read.

I suppose I could do the cliched Crescent Moon? How about a geometric chord for anything up to a half-moon?

'Ballad of Reading Goal' - Oscar Wilde
not a typo - honest

Luke Skywalker - Stars Wars
Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
Harry Potter



J.

Hi Geoff,
Oscar Wilde went to jail - goal. He wrote his poem 'Reading Goal'. Reading(town) reading (literature).
The association of that in transit refers to football-gaols-the Stadium: the obession of society to football as a game....



J.

Why not?
Do you mean everyone has given up?



J.

Hi k-j, like others here, I like this but it does need tidying up. Too many conjunctions. Some confusions: shop in shadows with bright lights, glad you changed your old existence but you don't say how. I felt the eggs, postal code etc were there for the rhyme. Little things like 'or eggs'; why not c...

I like this Megan - but not as much as k-j because I am not sure about the N going to her house and falling in; and who are Glen and Matthew Allen - should I know them? And why does the N tense up; isn't he happy?



J.

Thanks for your read, Megan. Man has been gifted (from the gods as it were) with literature and it is what we are doing with it, in a socio-intellectual context. Once children grew into ‘adult’ appreciation – earned their spurs so to speak; they had to be seen and not heard, they had ‘natural’ pursu...

Thanks Peter,
Work still to do then.



J.

You are right - a long post.
However, I can see the google * will come in useful for those elusive relationships.
Already I know I am the gravel in the shoe.

J.

Hi Peter.
Deliberate.
slivered = slice of moon.
New way of saying new moon. Well maybe not.
But then N is not of this world

I'll think about changing it but can't promise.

I also conclude that the macro view is an accident.

J.

A sad and lonely voice, drifting across the evening breeze into the valleys.
A litany.
Musical.



J.

I knew when I was born, In the year of the Scorpion, at half past three and four degrees left of a crescent moon; there would be controversy. No man is an Island, I was told as I floated in on the solar wind. ‘But what about a comet?’ I replied in bold bodoni font size ten as Ballad took my hand. No...

Tweaked,
Thanks Geoff.



J.

Hi Ryan,
Sound advice from Ros,
Turns it into a nice poem:
And when we start all over, will Adam prove to be any the wiser?



J.

It must be transparent enough now, surely?



J.

Being descriptive Ros,
Our callousness, how we wreck things without caring.
The irony that we sort out the oyster's problem of aggravating grit by killing it.

Pure and simple statement.
Obviously the wrong thing to do.

J.