Poetry Forum

Good addition - Do the old lags do for 'im, then?

twoleftfeet wrote:pillar of the community

- Pillock of the community, surely.

cheers

Barrie

Could any philosophical discussions generated by points raised be carried on in Any Other Business where a new thread can be started. Lets try our best to leave the poetry section to poetry.

Barrie

Thanks Kim - Eve's Sepent sounds good - I might just use that.

The Pleiades
lie light-years below
the surface of a dark tarn. - If I left out 'lie' I'd be left verbless - and that's no good at this time of year.

cheers

Barrie

When you put a poem up for comment then expect a reader's response as to what the poem means to them, what it actually says to them. After all, it is other people's responses that you want, isn't it? What's the point in trying to justify everything? If you're trying to reach a wider audience with th...

I think this must rank among your best, maybe it is the best. It's very solitatary and desolate, made even more so by the despondent lines in italics. drifting downward angels - maybe downward drifting angels . drowned drumlin - I like this. what lies beneath - unfortunately, this had me thinking of...

I'm afraid you've lost me with this - I thought I could see where it was going, but the second half of the poem left me high and dry. The first half seemed to be describing a woman and the second part with its gentle coo , shawl and bloody red walls had me thinking of a baby, a birth maybe. as she's...

Thanks beau - Where've you been...to another flooded Italian city? I've just written another god one, but it's not god can kiss my arse (when did I ever say that?).

cheers

Barrie

barrie wrote:There was a poem posted on here a while back with a similar theme, but I'm damned if I can remember what it was called.

- And now I remember it was a poem by beautifulloser and it was called 'Paddy'.

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6179

David wrote:I have a theory that Ebenezer Scrooge has been replaced in the world's imagination as the uber-miser by Monty Burns. Your choice of word in L2 - subliminal, no doubt - seems to confirm that, Philip.

What do you reckon?

- HUMBUG!

Thanks a lot Jimmy - Tim. Thanks Brendan - About the Pleiades: yes, it's a reflection in the water, but as they're about 450 light years away skywards, using reflective logic, they look about same distance away in the mirror of the tarn. You know it's not meant to be taken literally - Are you playin...

I'm going to live up to my name of Barrie the Butcher now. I thought the first verse was a bit overdone and too 'telly'. I know it was very emotive, but it doesn't have the effect of the other two verses. It's the embedded suggestion in the last two verses that renders V1 comparatively ineffective. ...

Dis guy's in the cupboard,
dat guy's on the window ledge!
What da hell am I talking about?

There is no disguising blue eyes - has a nice sound to it

Barrie

A simple, straightforward story with a happy ending - a classic recipe - What else can I say?

nice one

St Barrie of Christmas

where the earth slopes away from today. - This is really good - it makes a strong opening verse. Yet, every now and then, I have the urge to go explore, something quietly calls me. - Could I suggest something like - Yet, at times, I feel compelled to explore. Something quietly calls just a thought ...

Acid-filled bastards,
met them all in the Sixties -
but what a decade!

Rope, sock, scissors - Check?
What sort of chess game is this?
Please help me bishop!

In a sense I suppose all rhyme is forced to fit the form - I'm not saying that the rhyme's forced - I'm saying that you've changed the natural word order to make a rhyme. I prefer modern poetry to be written in everyday speech, or as near as dammit. Maybe it's just me, but when I read a poem that u...

David wrote:When I was young I used to think that I would call my "Best of" LP, when it came out, The Au Pair's Chest.

Subtitled Greta's Tits.

- Quickly, ring the BPA and have a word with yourself, Mr Chairman.

That's a terrible one!

Lord of Groans

The rhymes and half-rhymes are quite subtle, aren't they? They just add to the poem without being noticed. When you said Let Constantinople hang , meaning the book he never finished - I couldn't help thinking that he started his journey from the Hook of Holland . So the phrase was well chosen. The '...

Great first verse - I used to go to Speedway at Belle Vue when I was a kid (before anybody asks - yes, the internal combustion engine had been invented then). Castrol R - I'd forgotten that. I like the way you slowed the pace of the poem in V2 to add to the contrast between the two parts. lost strag...

I agree with og about the of syntax of Faint falls the light of peace returning , but I can't offer any suggestion to rectify this. The line does seem to have been twisted into an unnatural position and forced into the ABCBCA rhyme scheme. Apart from that I liked the whole thing - There was a poem p...

Thanks David - What a belting name for a pub - The Well Rope Star , I never thought of that. Ros, the poem was in a book I had called Poems of the Late T'ang , it was a Penguin book but I can't remember who the translator was. Like a lot of my books, it's been lent and not returned. Cheers Lake. Bar...

ray miller wrote:Online, nobody can hear you scream.

- No, but they can make you.

I thought "but I was big if I could live and grow and remember" was the best line, it may, strictly speaking, be illogical, but it's how a child would think it and say it. - I didn't think a child could be as complex as that - 'but I was big' is in the past, does that mean that the child'...

Ros wrote:Can I really get away with mince pie'd eyes?

- At this time of the year you can.

You get a star for -

Your leather gloves retain no stain

of rain or chocolate remains

...and the meek shall inherit the bus...

nice one

Barrie