Poetry Forum

Hello Mic

I like what you're doing with the lettuce. Has a lovely mundane physicality to it.

Does each leaf have a perfect edge? Not sure, although I like the way it's all so closely observed.

Nice juxtaposition between the the kitchen sink and the mountain.

Enjoyed.

The first stanza, which for a comic poem has to set the tone and really deliver the premise, absolutely does that in terms of the detail, but the phrasing, 'but in this I've found my voice' isn't working for me. S2 is performancey with, hopefully, a couple of comic moments. The rest of the poem is ...

Hello Geoff I don't get - The Site Manager of Doom - though that never caught on. That's me just going for a cheap laugh by coming up with a pretty rubbishy moniker for a megalomaniac. It made my son groan when he heard it - I'll take that to be an encouraging sign of, er, something. You might be ri...

Wow! Great writing, Geoff. Never seen this one before. Such a pleasure to read aloud. You've produced a deftly balanced arrangement of sounds and rhymes that play beautifully off eachother from start to finish. No mean feat. It's also VERY funny. It's one of those "I wish I'd written it" p...

http://www.virginmedia.com/images/mingmercy-431x300.jpg Set the chair to light me up and call me reprehensible but in this I’ve found my voice. I bomb orphans, wipe peace camps off my boots, tear the wings off Hawkmen and shoot to kill women and children first. I’m a death-dealing son-of-a dad and ...

Oh yes, I like this. Nice use of truncated phrasing in S1. It reinforces the stilted stiffness of those on the bus. S2 slides around appropriately. we float familiar roads through snow; going home together alone, the sky extends somewhere away. That's almost very good although, for me at least, some...

Nice idea. Some entertaining lines that made me laugh. I look foward to hearing a recording of this. However, I think you down-play the importance of keeping the listener interested when said/read aloud. Any pruning or polishing that's done shouldn't just be for the benefit of the page. You've produ...

Some of you might be interested in this -

http://themoth.org/

twoleftfeet wrote:the RADA cockney eckcents are priceless.

And here's a few more from one of my favourite films -



btw That's a nice memory of your dad, Geoff. Mine couldn't sing either!

Well, here we are then.

Here's a song I like a lot -

Hmmm.

I'm not sure what Mark E. Smith is rambling on about - it's the kind of thing that's often heard in pubs just before closing time. However, I think it's rather good. Haven't seen them in years. I'm surprised yer man is still alive!

Ros wrote:does she think the future of poetry is with the online magazines with their wider audiences, or traditional print magazines?

That a pretty narrow and exclusive vision of "the future of poetry", Ros.

Arian wrote:Yes, good. I particularly like s2.

Thanks.

Excellent link. If I owned an ipod, that little beauty would be on it.

Hello, Raisin. "And" is my weak attempt at a segway. Should it go? I don't know, I just don't know. I appreciate your thoughts. All the best.

Ray – the l3 full stop can stay or go. Not too fussed either way. Glad elasticated run conjured up what it did. That’s what I was after. Nice to know it works. Do I need Underground and Subterranean ? Thought that would raise one or two eyebrows. It’s a repetition, I know, but I like the way they so...

http://myboox.f6m.fr/images/livres/reference/0010/50/josephine-baker-et-la-revue-negre-lithographies-du-tumulte-noir-paris-1927-paul-colin-9782732424408.gif Headhunter! Jungle Queen! Ripe bananas fly around your waist copiously syncopating. Six shimmies and a shuffle in. You dance your own parade t...

There's something very impressive trying to emerge from this one. For me, your poem gathers pace and intensity about half-way through, from Each of us here has a story to tell, a lament to lament Lots of well crafted lines to savour - We are cut-price cattle, awaiting our fate, picked up, put on, hu...

Ray Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man. L2 – preposition. Should that be AT your head, rather than ON your head? I particularly liked - your inside out and backward dress patterned with pie and snot and think on all the words that you’ve forgot from one line to the next Th...

Well, I think you’ve added extra colour and depth with your additional stanza. Each evening, with an emphysemic wheeze, the accordions start up all over Montmartre. That’s just incredibly good. I actually exclaimed “Wow” when I read it. Cocteau parties? I’m not sure a poem such as this should let ev...

I was there from ’80 to ’83, saw quite a few bands and ate quite a lot Indian food (like yourself!). It was an exciting time for music in Coventry, although it was also a time when motor car and motorcycle manufacture in the area was slowly winding down and being left to the vagaries of market force...

What a wonderful treat! There’s echoes of the Larkin poem (I’ve compared the two) but this little beauty stands on its own. The thing that strikes me most is the sheer force of passion that lies behind the words which, at one point, seems in danger of spilling over into a flood with the “ O brave ne...

Ted Hawkins - Sam Cooke was a big influence. I think it shows....

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akvRz2Kl ... ure=relmfu[/youtube]

Big Maybelle gets my vote, David. As does the sort wearing the net curtains - pneumatic, in an Aldous Huxley kinda way!

Here's another powerful woman, out-Diddleying Bo!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_fygyQi ... re=related[/youtube]