Poetry Forum

Well, there's learning difficulties, special needs, cognitively impaired, intellectually disabled, slow to learn. Many more, I should think.

Thanks Morpheus. I'm finished with this now.

Tears were wrung from a foreign tunnel of mangled metal, to be sprinkled on roadsides where garlands settle, curling leaves around each shoulder, offering solace to a neighbour, encircling castles and breaching defences. Death of a princess, a Saturday climax: the national blub-in led by New Labour....

Enjoyed the read. What is a code talker? I often say see ya myself, with the implication that we'll meet again. Is that what is meant in Athabaskan?

"The retarded young man" doesn't sound a whole lot more sensitive than "The retard". There are alternatives.

I think Next was a magazine, but I could be wrong. Anyway, I've modernised.

I'm suggesting "four years beyond its expiry date" because of "how long I have to live". Ray, I'm really not sure what you are saying here. Why should the expiry date of the tartar sauce and my own expiry date (death) be somehow related? Are you suggesting that I make some cleve...

I'm suggesting "four years beyond its expiry date" because of "how long I have to live".

Enjoyed the read. So I wondered about the garbage that sometimes gets spilled on the lawns - do the guys in the truck get out and pick it up? I thought that was something you might have picked up on.

What if the family trunk consists
of Hello, Closer, Heat, Next
and every form of Frozen Shrek?

It's an old poem, needs updating.
I mean the moon and stars are redundant in terms of navigation.
Yes, perhaps I need to have junction in there.

Loved it. Just my type of thing. "girls with long term love" - must be summat better than that, though. Also a bit disappointing to see the rhyme scheme change in the last stanza. of Engineers: those gods who fend off nymphs’ advances and muses who orgasm to algorithms run in source or obj...

I like the poem very much but I can't be doing with all the white space. Caleb thinks he sees a pattern in it but it looks pretty arbitrary to me - and irritating. Going coastal and the land's brittle hip were my favourite parts. edges of things - edge of things? Gulls caught sight of them - I wonde...

Dinner (version 2) For you people in Britain, do you make meat salads? Usually chicken, tuna or salmon mixed with mayonnaise and some crunchy vegetable like diced celery. Firstly, we live in Great Britain. I don't wish to launch a campaign to Make Britain Great Again but if these omissions persist ...

Very nice. I especially enjoyed the final line. Do you need to mention that the air is ozone-filled?

Enjoyed it very much. You could do with a comma after tribe and brickwork. Is there an actual place called Factory Street, I wonder.

Nobody need go anywhere else and you’ve no call to absent yourself in cloudshapery, housefacery and birdlike punctuation marks when kids need crisps and chocolate bars. You’re redundant as the moon and stars, pointing out cows, ducks and sheep when everyone has earphones in and eyes are fixed on mob...

Thanks Tony.

Enjoyed the read, especially the seal. First stanza a bit problematic. Was it a wedding night?
It feels like a stag do gone wrong - dunno about that, it sounds like what happens at many stag-do's.

I prefer the 2nd version, except for the last 3 lines. Of course. If it were mine I'd be writing something like "The secretary needs her job. We all need these tiny victories that make our service more endurable/ less nauseating."

Very good. I'd be inclined to lose the last line, too. Maybe baggage instead of anxieties.

Enjoyed most of it. Got quite lost in 2nd and 4th stanzas.

Love it, especially the 2nd verse. I'm tempted to rhyme Barnyard Savage with Bernard Manning.

Thanks, Kris. I think if wall-climbers were really insensitive then Morpheus would've been on my case.That's not his real name, by the way. I suppose it is polemical, though I don't really know what position I'm taking in the argument.

Morpheus wrote: ↑

Fri Sep 29, 2023 11:49 am

Interesting Ray but there are exceptions.

I had Mata Hari on my case in the Malverns and, even nowadays, I'm trying to rationalise that some woman at work is not really Medusa.

Yeah, with me it's Kate Moss.

That's a clever sign. Surprised there aren't more of them. We could improvise, too - This is E**rope: what is missing - in big letters for every queue at every border.

it is a place that tears
the fabric of the real.

Very good, though maybe -it was a place that tore?