Poetry Forum

Hi Celeb, All I can say is that I can understand why this must seem strange to you. We write such different poems and I think we are trying to do very different things in our poetry. So it’s probably not useful to compare our poems. A lot of my poems use implication and/or imagery, whereas yours are...

Hi Celeb, like the fact that he's been a functioning adult for just a couple years and feels a little lost. I think this is a good idea. I think that a poem that only functions to make one point will probably be a failure. I also think a good poem should say many more things about it’s topic than ju...

Hi Perry, I’m not sure there’s enough reflection on this experience and your loss for this poem to fully work for me - maybe the poem needs more specific details other than the foods and your gran making you fat, such as how the food is served, how the old lady talks, descriptions of her home/appear...

Hi Not, Many thanks. The series is up to ten smacking associated poems now. Six were published together in Fevers of the Mind (https://feversofthemind.com/2021/02/23/a-series-of-poems-about-smoking-by-tristan-moss/). Many thanks for your help with this poem. I seem to remember it was very much a tea...

Hi Fliss,

Many thanks! Really glad you like it.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi John, First off, I am very sorry to hear about your awful experience. Hope things are a lot better now. Overall, I like this poem and think it has a power. I would drop the first line, as the poem’s title is City of Pain, so I think the landscape you are describing is clear. The first part of s2 ...

Many thank John & Phil. Really pleased you both like this poem. This one’s done the rounds now quite a few times.

Cheers,

Tristan

My congrats Phil. Enjoyed all four of these collaborations, but especially The Wisdom of Birds - the words seem to play the tune of that picture.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many thanks Celeb. Really pleased you enjoyed it.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi All,

I have an old poem, which I workshopped here some time ago, appearing today in Ink Sweat & Tears’s NPD feature.

Here’s a link to it: https://inksweatandtears.co.uk/for-nati ... an-cauter/

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi John, So if I’ve understood the poem correctly, Nebuchadnezzar is reduced by God to nothing more than a sheep-like creature on all fours in God’s kingdom. I like that in his dream he sees a cut down tree (he maybe sees himself as a tree without knowing it), but then God breaks him like a twig. Ma...

Many many congrats to both of you! Loved both poems. And what a great place to be published. Well done!

Cheers,

Tristan

Morning John, I don’t think it’s quite working at the moment, though I love the line whom Michelangelo took from the stone, That line is almost enough for me on its own. I’m not keen in the final line of s1. It’s verging on cliche. I like what you are doing at the end and don’t think it’s far off fr...

Many congrats Fliss. That’s good to hear.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Perry,

Really like this one and the irony. Your final revision is my favourite. I do like Phil’s version too though. It’s clean and lets the irony and the idea do the work and there’s sadness in that final line.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many thanks Fliss & Eira.

And my commiserations to Celeb and Fliss. I’m sure you will both have successes in the future.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many thanks Phil & John. Really pleased you like these poems.

Many congrats Eira. Much enjoyed your poem.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many congrats. Enjoyed.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many congrats Phil. It’s definitely an engaging collaboration. May long it continue.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Perry, One Sentence Poems were never going to accept your type of poems. They publish very short compressed minimal poetry, which is very different to the poetry you write. You poetry is very good, but if this submission reflects your other submissions I’m not surprised you are being rejected. Yo...

Hi Kris, This poem has a great ending. It’s that link between fissured lips and how strange it felt to dab them - brilliant. I think that what leads up it could be leaner, although I recognise it’s written in a chatty style. IMO you could drop such phrases/sentences as “It is what it is, as they say...

Hi Ray,

It’s a bleak poem. Terrible what the Stasi enacted.

Nice little historical snapshot.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Perry, These are enigmatic eyes. You tell the reader a lot about what these eyes are not, but very little about what they are. I’d like more in this respect (their colour, shape, size, focus, clarity, strength, softness, vision, …) and maybe some specifics about your relationship with the owner o...

Hi Ray, There’s a few versions of this story (the young, cocky male moving in on what he thinks to be an attractive female only to find out they’re a transvestite - Crocodile Dundee 2 has a play on it), but telling it from the perspective of the drag Queen is an original perspective, and the end mad...

Hi Perry, I really like the first three stanzas. They work really well. I think the narrative line of the poem is good until you get to ‘No need to inflame …’. After this, IMO is doesn’t have the interest of what came before. Maybe you need a well chosen image to create more to engage the reader in ...