Poetry Forum

Yes, neat.

Obligatory second line.

And shag it, here's a third.

I find myself wanting to like this, yet I keep getting held back by a sense of prosaic dystocia emanating from between the lines. I'm willing to bet (and yes, I read your disclaimer) that you've spent a good bit of time picking at this one. So much so in fact that it came out overproduced and slight...

creational wrote: Nevermind, onwards and upwards.

Well at least you're optimistic!

Write on,

-Me

Hey Saul. Thanks for taking the time. You know, I agree with you. I think that this one loses itself in itself. The writing needs to be tightened, yes. But the overall premise is simply one big thought (albeit a somewhat scattered one) regarding everybody's favorite Jedi, Yoda. Either way though I'l...

Funny stuff.

To me, this piece speaks of in-betweens. Purgatorial just seemed proper. All things considered.

Somewhere between Jerusalem & Jericho,

-Me

Well maybe I should have pointed out that I don't think it works.

It just doesn't scan proper, regardless of your reasoning.

Two cents well-meant,

-Me

"Forever sleep," he affirmed. Forever stolid in its eclipsing leer. I had a good internal cry, not quite uncaged and more of a memory than anything; an implacable little monster creeping out from under childhood's bed and taunting me with pictures of pets four feet under and all the stuff ...

Cute poem.

You know I can't quite imagine that the inherent choppiness of this piece is anything but intentional. And then a question comes to mind - why?

Ah, the salt of the earth! Tell me, do I view this as a pure moment of expression or as a firmly planted fatalistic point of view? Anyway, I truly enjoyed this poem. It's a fairly decent piece of work in my opinion. There are a few minor thingies however, and I would revise as follows: I put my fait...

Well I'm in need of something new, and this forum doesn't seem to be tea bag. So I'd say I'll be around for a while. Maybe for good. Who knows?

Thanks for the suggestion by the way.

Looks like Prince Charles...

Downright purgatorial.

Obligatory second line.

Barrie,

Merci buckets.

A.S.,

Republic of Newfoundland, baby!

You sit and smoke and stare thinking on the spindly trees against the placid evening sky of how they'd make a perfect picture match the motif eclectic as it were. *** This is an old one that's already been put through the wringer elsewhere. But I haven't been writing much lately, so hopefully I can ...

Real? Imagined? I couldn't care less. The important thing is that I believe the speaker. And in a poem such as this, such belief is needed. I'm referring of course to the speaker's past being "properly" inflected by the prism of his present; i.e. there's a level of maturity in the descript...

Absolon's Sword wrote: Welcome from the wierdo, by the way.

Merci buckets.

Absolon's Sword wrote: don't be afraid to swear, here and there,

Oh don't worry, judicious use of all the good cuss words is my specialty. Or something like that anyway...

I just wanted to use the hockey sticks. It's been months.

Annette, First off, you might want to reverse the order of those b's . Secondly, I feel that this piece sacrifices the potential of piquing the interests that be (namely, us readers) by remaining too deeply rooted in your innermost designs. In other words, it's difficult to relate to. It seems as if...

Mother's. Possessive. That's all I got.