You must have observed
the way sugar cane sap
gets drawn out in a juice machine,
You must have seen
fibrous stalks getting compressed
wringed and mashed
by squeaking rollers; a syrupy
liquid collecting at one end,
and coarse refuse on the other.
Poet, you’re no better
than those sugared stems.
Poet - I
Briliant! love "juice machine". the end bit is great and very funny. I remember when I first saw one of those machines - I thought it was a farming tool but everyone was just drinking around it and chatting, then someone bought me a glass and I realised what it was for- it was so tasty!
no suggestions for the poem it really is great- it perfectly describes the whole machine visually, but could there be a full stop after machine?
no suggestions for the poem it really is great- it perfectly describes the whole machine visually, but could there be a full stop after machine?
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." Henry David Thoreau
Thank you Raincoat. I feel a full stop might hinder the flow? I'm not too sure. But I have no problem in changing it. Let me think for a while.Thanks. 
in that case not sure bout the capital Y in S2?
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." Henry David Thoreau
Hi
I think this poem gives me something to think about by the way it ends. I can not decide if all the comparing I did gave me qualities which were all pleasant but I think that is showing the good and bad things about the person in the poem.
It was an enjoyable poem to read, thankyou
Jjaz
I think this poem gives me something to think about by the way it ends. I can not decide if all the comparing I did gave me qualities which were all pleasant but I think that is showing the good and bad things about the person in the poem.
It was an enjoyable poem to read, thankyou
Jjaz
Thank you Jjaz for your coming here and replying.
Raincoat,
I...err...well, give me some time.
Raincoat,
I...err...well, give me some time.
Hello, arunansu
It's nice to meet you. I noticed you have posted sequels to this poem, so I thought I'd start off with the Poet - 1 first.
I like it, but am left wondering if the Poet mentioned in the last strophe refers to a particular person, or to a Poet in a general sense.
The second strophe is my favourite, although I can't help reading a bit of angst in-between the lines. Maybe I'm wrong.
My best to you,
Maria
It's nice to meet you. I noticed you have posted sequels to this poem, so I thought I'd start off with the Poet - 1 first.
I like it, but am left wondering if the Poet mentioned in the last strophe refers to a particular person, or to a Poet in a general sense.
The second strophe is my favourite, although I can't help reading a bit of angst in-between the lines. Maybe I'm wrong.
My best to you,
Maria
Thank you Maria, I hope you enjoy the other sequels too. Yes, that refers to the poets in a general sense. Smiles.
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brianedwards
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Aru,
does this work better without that closing couplet? Ending there, I like where it allows me to float off . . .
B.
does this work better without that closing couplet? Ending there, I like where it allows me to float off . . .
B.
I see your point Brian. I would give more thought to it.