Mad Anne

[Ros]

I hadn't realised poems were supposed to have a punchline. If so, I don't think ending with 'You were Fucked ' is very witty.

Ros

[Nino]

Pete

Are you telling us the poem or a joke? I don't want to really go line by line but even if intended for humour fuck as a word has been so overused, that it brings smile only to young teens who are fortunate to.grow up in well mannered family and hear swear words rarely. What I was trying to tell you is that hearing your story how Anne was.shouting to your neighbor f*** me would be well understood by that person who.witnesded what happened. F*** has a few meanimgs in modern slang that is why.it.is a weak ending. I know I was harsh before, but I still stand by what I said: as a poem this piece failed for me.
Thank you

Please forgive my erratic periods. Typing from my mobile.

[David]

I don't really see the point of the centring, Pete, but I think you've captured Anne very well. Or, which is perhaps a different thing, you've made me imagine my very own Mad Anne.

You don't need the longer anecdote, which is (it seems to me) essentially a prose thing, anyway. (A very funny prose thing, but still ...)

I'd agree with Ros that a poem doesn't necessarily need a punchline, but a punchy ending never goes amiss. Your ending works fine for me.

I like it.

Cheers

David

[lo-lee-ta]

@Nino, I think you're reading too much into the word 'fucked' here. Just means you were in trouble, not literal intercourse. I don't get the big cufuffle over the word?!

[rantingpete]

That's for all the comments. I'll try and answer all your comments.

Ros - Poems don't need a punchline but ros, I never said they did; but I feel they do have to have some impact or resolve. I was simply comparing that thought-process with any story, in that no one likes to know the ending. I personally think that the ending is funny because it is unexpected. But I accept that some people may not like that humour. We all laugh at different things, that's what makes the world go round. Cheers. Pete

Nino - I think we've ascertained that this is not a joke. Anne is a real character and I have explained that to you in a previous post. As I said to Ros, if you read my post again I merely 'compared' the ending to a punchline. I understand from reading your other posts on this forum that English is not your native language so maybe, the 'British sense of humour' is slightly lost and misunderstood in the translation? I say this because you are the only one who does not understand the meaning of the ending. I'm not saying everyone likes the ending of my poem but they all know it's got nothing to do with sex.
I disagree with you when you say 'only teens who grow up in a well-mannered family' would laugh at the word 'fuck'. What a sweeping and totally inaccurate statement that is. Thanks for taking time to comment.

David - thanks mate, totally agree with the 'punchy ending'. I like the fact you pictured your own 'Mad Anne', that's part of the reason I didn't give too much of Anne's characteristics away. It's essential that an ending has impact of some sort, mine worked for some and not for others. Cheers

lo-lee-ta - thanks, I was beginning to feel like I was on this planet alone.

Pete

[Nino]

Are not we all pete: ))

P.S. I do like inbetweeners.

[rantingpete]

Nino - I was gonna use the 'Inbetweeners' as a reference but I didn't think you'd know it. Bloody hilarious programme. Very childish and immature, I know, but it's good to keep the 'child' within us alive. I'm 44 years old but it reminds me of my school-days. My friend twitters the guy who writes it and apparently this is the last series. They have just finished an 'Inbetweeners' film which is set in Greece I think. Should be good.

So, what is your native language?

Pete

[Nino]

Georgian, but I speak Russian and little bit f French.
I live in UK.

[Meesha]

One's got to love the spunk of slavic/macedonian peoples... especially the women. But then again they don't really understand the tongue in cheek/double entendre nature of the English.

Mad Anne

When I lived
In my old flat... could also mean the N was down and out socially... in a rut.
I had to
Put my ear
To the front door
Before I put
My bins out
In case
Mad Anne
Was
On
The landing... she's also trying to land a man
She smelt of
Cheap white wine
And rolled-up
Tobacco
And if she collared you... how about hooked/caught to go with her fish?
You were
Fucked... I'd moreso say 'You knew you were fucked'

Fucked is a bit out place, I suppose. But not if you used a cleverer title like Mad An' perhaps... which also infers (to me) Mad and totally fucked lol

I enjoyed this in my own lil mind none the less.

M

[rantingpete]

Thanks Meesha.

I quite like the idea of your 'you knew you were fucked' ending. It probably would still confuse some people, as did mine.

My poetry is very British so sometimes it's misunderstood by non-Brits. As you said 'the tongue-in-cheek'/double entendre' goes over some peoples heads.

Anyway, I'm happy you liked it and thanks for commenting.

Pete

[Sandbanx]

I never knew Anne, but we had an "Uncle Doad" who lived in a cottage up the road when I was a kid, who was just like this. Exactly like this in fact. I think a lot of people may have known a similar character who it was necessary to avoid, and I like this poem for that reason. Thanks

My only comment is that you "put your ear to the door", but she "smelt of cheap white wine...." Not sure how I would resolve that.

and.... not a crit, but a thought..... I would have smiled even more, had you said she "smelt of fish"

Cheers

[rantingpete]

Thanks Sandbanx.

Yes, we all know a 'Mad Anne' - wonderful characters each and every one!

I put my ear to the door to see if I could hear her. She not only talked to anyone and everyone but also talked to herself. She is a real character and I wanted to keep it truthful for that reason. She probably did smell of fish but I never got too close to find out!! hehe

Thanks again for taking time to comment.

Pete