found a second class stamp

[vesuvius]

found a second class stamp
on the market floor
who was it intended for
never mind
good find

her majesty’s thumbnail
will find its way
to a friend I’ll send
happy birthday or thank you
or a good luck
- it’ll keep me off facebook

[Lake]

The last line resonates. People are glued to the computer and what we get most from the mail is junk ads. It'll be such a precious thing to receive a persoanl letter, handwitten. Very concise.

[vesuvius]

Thanks Lake

[nar]

This is a nice little piece, V.

I particularly like the end of S1 (L4 &L5).

The last line of S2 continues this wry theme.

I like the rhymes you've used. I might be tempted to trim lines 4&5 of S2 to help the rhythm. Splitting "to a friend I’ll send" over tow lines might also keep the rhyme pattern at the end of S1.

Good one.

- Neil.

[Jjaz]

I also like the wryness of this poem, I also like the way it puts a message across with enough authority and yet is subtle in its tone.

Might be worth exploring some of the suggestions that have been offered to see if it reads even better.

Jjaz

[David]

I like this, and I'd like it even more without the facebook line.

Cheers

David

[Suzanne]

Hi.

This was nice and simple. I would like to sing it, repeating the first verse....
I have mixed feelings about the facebook line, it all depends on what you intended message was.

Suzanne

[onlyifonly]

I like the first part more that the second. The flow and the rhyme works nicely in the first part and less so in my view in the second. I like simple (this is just a personal opinion and totally uneducated). If it were my poem I would have removed more. It feels like it could be punchy as it struck me as the poem was showing a thought process as one experienced the event. You start 'found a stamp' not 'I found a stamp' and I felt the rest should follow in the same punchy way.

found a stamp
on the floor
who was it for
never mind
good find

Anyway, I really liked it. I'm new to this so probably talking nonsense.

[Alfie]

I really love how you've played with sounds, and the shorter lines work with the sonics to give it a really nice bounce and flow. Rhyming's often forced or overdone in a lot of poetry I read on forums nowadays, or disregarded completely, which is saddening because I've always admired the work of poets who really know how to bend the sounds in their work naturally. The rhyming here is even and has a good rhythm when read aloud. I like the content, too - the subtleness of the stamp and the queen accompanying your words around the country, but as much as I like the wit of the facebook line, I feel it detracts somewhat from that interesting musing. I think you could explore it a little bit more - why chose to send a letter when you could facebook that person, etc? I think the traditional vs. technology idea the last line connotes could be explored a little further.

But otherwise, I really loved reading this, and hope to read more of your work.

[Meesha]

I'd kill found in the title and rub all those illiterate facebookers up the right way:

my majesty’s/ic thumbnail
will find its way
to the friend I’ll send
happy birthday or thank you
and good luck on facebook

I love the way its way sonically reverberates into its sway... which puns but most don't get it!

Neat, but its main problem still remains the lack of punctuation to be so/more literally prudish.

M